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Beyonce Renaissance Tour Getty.jpg

The Biggest Celebrity Stories of 2023

By Kayleigh Donaldson | Celebrity | December 30, 2023 |

By Kayleigh Donaldson | Celebrity | December 30, 2023 |

Beyonce Renaissance Tour Getty.jpg

2024 is just around the corner, bringing to an end what has been a frantic 12 months. Where do we even begin? In terms of my beat - weird celebrity bullsh*t - we weren’t short of discourse. Lawsuits, cheating drama, dishy memoirs, concert tours, awards, and so much more. What stood out? Here are what we consider to be some of the biggest celebrity stories of 2023. This is in no particular order and doesn’t include everything because no list could, and we’re not putting major celeb deaths here, which feels like its own post.

SCANDOVAL



I must admit that Bravo and its world of real housewives below decks with all their rules is so not my beat as a gossip hound. Reality TV, particularly the glossy American kind, is just too achingly constructed for my tastes. It’s that strange mixture of high drama and exceedingly mundane stakes, centred on people who are too busy playing roles to let any truth shine through. So, I can’t claim that I followed the drama of Scandoval closely, but it did make me, for a brief moment, fascinated by watching the fourth wall crumble in real-time.

Chris did a write-up of Scandoval’s basics for Vanderpump Rules novices, so I won’t get into it too much here. Essentially, one of the long-term couples on the show imploded in chaotic fashion when it was revealed that the guy, named Tom Sandoval, had cheated on his girlfriend Ariana with her best friend Raquel. This all happened while the show wasn’t filming, so Bravo rushed cameras back to the scene of the crime to capture the drama as efficiently as possible. Bravo fans took sides, by which I mean ‘side’ because nobody was rooting for the cheaters. A ton of cultural sites that never otherwise discuss the network covered Scandoval like it was a Presidential campaign. It quickly fell back into being another semi-real series of gifs and viral moments, but amid it, you saw what happens when a bunch of giddily fake people are forced to deal with something painfully human.

TAYLOR SWIFT DATES MATTY HEALY



Before her current romance, Taylor Swift decided to quickly get over the break-up with her long-term partner Joe Alwyn by not-so-surreptitiously palling around with Matty Healy, lead singer of The 1975 and all-round asshole. It didn’t take long for people to note that, hey, this dude has a well-documented history of being creepy and racist and a total troll. Maybe it’s not a great idea for Swift’s team to leak ‘sources’ to the tabloids telling everyone she’s so happy with him? It didn’t last long, and she quickly moved on to a new guy and recrafted her image to suit that power couple pairing. Still, it felt revealing to many that she would even shack up, however briefly, with the likes of him.

THE SUMMER OF STRIKE



Hollywood experienced a historic Summer as both the Writer’s Guild of America and SAG-AFTRA went on collective strike. This was the first time in several decades that both unions’ labour actions overlapped, and it brought the entertainment industry to a complete standstill. It was a long time coming, as the scourge of AI reared its ugly head and streaming services’ promises of democratizing viewing experiences were fully exposed as a crock of shit. Nobody was exactly surprised that the AMPTP proved to be callous and money-hungry - that is their job, after all - but we were still flabbergasted to see the sheer extent of their amorality. Whether it was studio heads bragging about waiting until writers were close to homelessness before negotiating or seeking provisions that would allow them to own dead celebrities’ image rights in perpetuity, Hollywood became a parody of itself.

Both guilds fought hard for their deals, and it’s notable how widely they were supported throughout this journey. It’s sadly rare to see the general public across the political spectrum rooting for the strikers. We’re trained to hate them and boy did the AMPTP work overtime to try and curdle the narrative. In the end, it didn’t work. The fight is not over, of course. We need to support the VFX teams and animators and other oft-overlooked corners of the industry in their future fights for pay equity and workers’ rights. But these victories were especially sweet.

BRITNEY’S MEMOIR SPILLS ALL



When Britney Spears had her extremely public breakdown and ended up in a 13-year-long conservatorship that stripped her of basic bodily autonomy and financial independence, she stayed silent. She didn’t give a big interview to Oprah or reveal all in a hastily-published memoir, as is the norm for celebrities who have gone through some sort of public drama. We now know that this was impossible for her at the time due to the legal handcuffs forced onto her. So, when her autobiography, The Woman in Me, was announced, I’m not sure we were ready for just how much she was going to reveal. Wow, did Britney let it all out…

While the Justin Timberlake details, particularly regarding his seemingly callous treatment of her when she had an abortion, went viral for obvious reasons, nothing was off the table for Spears. She delved into her family and its historic mistreatment of women, the decades of misogyny she’s faced, and the nadir of having her robbed of her freedom under the guise of concern. It’s no wonder The Woman in Me became one of the biggest-selling books of the year, although it was beaten to the top spot by another memoir. Bonus points must go to Michelle Williams, who deserves a Grammy for her reading of ‘fo shizz’ on the audiobook.

JONAS VS. TURNER GETS MESSY



We’re all too used to seeing celebrities use the press to remould the narrative in their favour. Even with the public more aware of how these machinations work than ever, it’s still all too easy to fall into the trap of believing them. So, it was a genuine relief to see audiences watch in real time how one of these stories is crafted and them uniformly rejecting it for the transparent power play it was.

It took no time at all following the split of Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner to get dirty. Suddenly, the tabloids were full of vague but pointed stories about how Turner was out partying and neglecting her family duties while poor loving Joe was being the father of the year. We kept hearing about some damning video footage that never appeared, and faux-shock headlines about a 20-something woman enjoying cocktails with friends deflated quickly once everyone called foul. The whole thing was so staggeringly sexist, but that wasn’t what made it fail. Frankly, misogyny usually fuels the fires even further. No, it stumbled because it was ineptly executed, and all in favour of running a hit job on Sansa Stark with the half-baked fumes of nostalgia for nobody’s favourite Jonas brother. I would like to believe that this particular case was a tipping point of sorts, a moment for the public to invest in a greater sense of media literacy and audience responsibility, but alas, plenty of other things happened this year that quickly put that dream to rest. For now, the Jonas-Turner split seems to be going forward in a far more private manner.

DANNY MASTERSON GOES TO JAIL



The Church of Scientology doesn’t seem to be the unimpeachable monolith of cultural wrath that it was a couple of decades ago, but that’s not to say its influence has entirely dissipated. When actor Danny Masterson, best known for That ’70s Show, faced sexual assault allegations in 2017, many thought his faith of choice would step in and quietly make it go away.

Indeed, Leah Remini even interviewed some of the accusers and noted their fear of Scientology’s notoriously litigious powers getting to them. Couple that with the depressingly low rate of convictions for violence against women and, when Masterson was finally put on criminal trial for forcible rape, few of us expected true justice. Well, colour us surprised because Masterson was convicted of two of the three counts of forcible rape on May 31st. He was sentenced to an indefinite period of 30 years to life in prison, and won’t be eligible for parole until he’s served at least 25. Coincidentally, he’s in the same prison as Tory Lanez. Suffer.

JONATHAN MAJORS FOUND GUILTY OF ASSAULT



Jonathan Majors started 2023 as one of the key rising stars of the industry, with a future as the biggest villain in the biggest film franchise of all-time and a starring role in an Oscar favourite. He ends it with the potential of jail time in 2024. And it’s all his own fault.

Majors was found guilty of reckless assault in the third degree and harassment involving his ex-partner, Grace Jabbari. In March, he faced various charges of harassment and aggravated violence, which uncovered a pattern of extreme abuse and various open secrets about Majors’ reputation. The two-week trial was preceded by Majors’ team doing a hardcore PR spin at outlets like TMZ, pushing DARVO tactics while portraying Jabbari as a serial liar. He arrived at the courtroom with a Bible in one hand and actress Meagan Good on his other arm, hoping to sell himself as a meek man of God who has been hard done by, which immediately clashed with recordings wherein he compared himself to Martin Luther King, Jr., and Barack Obama, insisting to Jabarri that she live up to the standards of Coretta Scott King and Michelle Obama.

He will be sentenced next year. He faces at least one year behind bars. He has been dropped by his agency and Marvel Studios.

BARBENHEIMER RULES ALL



Greta Gerwig’s Barbie and Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer were always going to be big deals in 2023, but once the films were paired up together for the same release date, something unexpected happened. The weird contrast between hot pink and mushroom cloud grey set the internet aflame and the memes were born. Barbenheimer became the event of the year, the ultimate double bill for hot girls, sad boys, cinephiles, history nerds, curious teens, and bachelorette parties alike. Cinemas held special events. Attendees turned up in costume. In the post-lockdown era, with theatrical attendance still falling, there was something infectiously appealing about Barbenheimer, a true Event that everyone could get excited about. And it worked wonders for both movies. Barbie is the highest-grossing film of 2023 by a solid margin and Oppenheimer, a three-hour historical biopic comprised mostly of conversations about ethics, earned well over $900 million worldwide.

GWYNETH SKIS INTO COURT



Gwyneth Paltrow may have semi-retired from acting, but the high priestess of GOOP still finds ways to dominate the headlines in the most inimitably Paltrow way possible. She entered the courtroom in lots of knit sweaters to defend herself when she was accused of injuring a retired optometrist during a ski vacation. It seemed to be the exemplification of rich people problems, the ultimate low-stakes celeb drama designed exclusively to produce memes and a few shlocky Discovery+ specials. Cameras documented the entire thing, providing entertainment for those who like celeb legal drama but not the gross victim-blaming attack kind. Paltrow emerged the victor, another reminder that her out-of-touch bougie image, while oft-mocked, is pretty ironclad. A musical version is on the way soon.

ARIANA AND SPONGEBOB, SITTING IN A PINEAPPLE…



Break up with your wife, Ariana Grande’s bored. Ethan Slater found fame playing Spongebob Squarepants on Broadway, and he’s now destined to be known as Spongebob Sidepiece until the day he sinks to the depths of Bikini Bottom. He and Grande are working together on the inexplicably two-part movie adaptation of Wicked, and apparently they fell in love during production. But not before totally breaking up with their respective spouses, of course. That’s something we all definitely believe, right? Slater’s wife and the mother of his baby son certainly doesn’t.

We love mess, and cheating scandals are always celebrity gossip catnip, but this one was tough to swallow because a child was in the middle of the drama and Grande’s team’s flagrant attempts to spin the story in her favour felt especially tone-deaf. The pair avoided the spotlight together for a few months but are now doing trips together, and she’s being the dutiful Broadway girlfriend while Slater is performing in Spamalot. She ended the year with an Instagram post about how she’s been oh so misunderstood in 2023. It should be read in the voice of Mona Lisa Saperstein from Parks and Recreation, who also has never done anything wrong in her entire life. I doubt Ariana and Spongebob will last until the actual release of Wicked Part One.

A24 DOMINATED THE OSCARS



It only took a few years for A24 to become the hottest name in independent American cinema. They’re so lauded for their work with filmmakers like Sofia Coppola, Ari Aster, Greta Gerwig, and Barry Jenkins that cinephiles buy merchandise with the A24 logo on it (including candles!) The brand became synonymous with Cool, with the kinds of American indies that we’re always told nobody makes anymore. The company had its crowning moment at the beginning of the year when it swept the big six categories at the Oscars.

Everything Everywhere All at Once took home Best Picture, Best Director, and three of the four acting categories. The other one went to Brendan Fraser for A24’s The Whale, giving the company a clean sweep in a way that used to be the trademark of far seedier companies (hello, Harvey Weinstein.) It was arguably A24’s zenith, a point driven further home when it had a couple of high-profile flops in 2023 that led to them pivoting to more ‘mainstream’ projects. Like an Elon Musk biopic. Eh…

TNT: TAYLOR FINDS A FOOTBALLER



Taylor Swift spent six years with Joe Alwyn, an indie actor who kept to himself and avoided the spotlight, which meant that Swift was unexpectedly out of the spotlight for a lot of that period. Well, clearly she had enough of that, and now she’s dating an American football player with a podcast, and letting the world know she’s in her independent WAG era.

Swift’s Eras Tour was undoubtedly one of the Events of 2023. It’s already the highest-grossing tour of all time, the movie version broke records for concert films, and it helped to rejuvenate various local and national economies with the power of friendship bracelets. Swift having Travis Kelce, a player for the Kansas City Chiefs on her arm, only made the furor more enticing for those who love her. He’s a big burly golden retriever of a man who seems genuinely delighted to be her plus-one. The press has been delighted by the romance novel dynamic of the pop icon and the football star. She’s never been happier apparently, not even when she was dating Matty Healy a few months prior (forgive me, I find it very difficult not to be cynical about all things Swift.) The Eras Tour continues and the money will keep rolling in.

PRINCE HARRY WINS IN COURT AND ON THE BESTSELLER LIST



There have been some weird headlines over the past few months about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle ‘flopping’ in their post-royal lives, which elude to their struggles to find a tangible sense of purpose as ‘normal’ celebrities but also seem to miss the wider point of Harry’s biggest agenda. He’s no anti-royalist, as much fun as that would be, but a very privileged man with the clout to do two very important things: piss off his family and go to war with the tabloids. In 2023, he did both and, arguably, came out on top.

Harry’s memoir Spare inspired its fair share of mockery thanks to some of his more TMI confessions, but at its heart was the story of a deeply messed-up guy raised to be in perennial competition with his family and who was ostracized for noting how deeply damaging this set-up was. He broke the pact between the Windsors and the British press by exposing the co-dependent agreement between them that relies on watching your own brother, father, stepmother, and more sell you out to prevent their own images from being tarnished. No matter how hard the toadying royalists try to claim that Harry was the real loser here, King Charles’ entire reign will be plagued with the public knowledge of the dirty work required to keep the crown in place.

We got further evidence of that when Harry won a crucial legal battle against the Daily Mirror publisher, MGN, with the court confirming that, after many years of speculation, his phone had been hacked on multiple occasions. This is a big deal for obvious reasons, largely in the precedent it sets for the many others who are suing British papers for alleged incidents of phone hacking. Many in the industry long denied that hacking ever took place, including former Mirror editor Piers Morgan, who responded to the news of Harry’s victory by claiming the Prince was just trying to bring down the royal family (dude, don’t threaten me with a good time!) No criminal charges have been filed. Yet. Stay tuned.

TORY LANEZ GOES TO JAIL



Last year, rapper Tory Lanez (real name Daystar Peterson) was found guilty of assault when he shot Megan thee Stallion in the feet. Earlier this year, he was sentenced to ten years in prison. Lanez’s team pulled out all the stops to try to get a lighter sentence, including a slew of testimonies from friends and family (and also Iggy Azalea) pleading for a soft touch from the judge. It kind of worked, but he’s still going to be spending the next few years in prison thinking about what he did.

The entire case was bleak beyond measure, particularly for how it inspired the usual suspects on social media and the blogosphere to treat Megan as though she was the perpetrator rather than the victim. The misogynoir was unavoidable, and it was clear that many YouTubers, ‘body language experts’, and drama channels hoped to turn the trial into a repeat of the Depp-Heard case. Megan talked about the trauma of the experience, and to this day, it’s not hard to find people online treating her as a serial liar who put an innocent man in prison. Plenty of rappers took shots at her, like Drake, who has never been more culturally irrelevant than he was this year.

Misogyny has sadly never stopped being a driving force in entertainment, but seeing one of the most talented and charming women in modern music, one who had faced massive physical and emotional injury, be treated as less worthy than a mediocre sexist creep with a gun and a little man syndrome was a special kind of dickish. I hope Megan finds peace.

RUSSELL BRAND FACES ALLEGATIONS OF RAPE AND ASSAULT



In September, Britain’s Channel 4 and The Times revealed a joint report of the alleged abuses of comedian and actor Russell Brand. The article and TV special included five women who accused Brand of rape and physical and emotional abuse. One reported victim said she was only 16 when Brand began grooming her. Another talked about screaming for help while he raped her and none of his team, who were waiting outside, doing anything to help. The report was haunting, made all the more so by the amount of people who followed it up with confessions that they’d heard stories like this before about Brand. As comedian Daniel Sloss, the only stand-up willing to go on the record for the story, said, it was an open secret for far too long.

Brand tried to claim he was the victim of a smear attack by the British establishment because he, a multi-millionaire comedian-actor who has frequented Hollywood movies and worked for most of the major UK TV channels, is such a rebel of the system. He’s spent the past few years pivoting into an Alex Jones-esque rebrand as a conspiracy-adjacent political commentator with a ‘just asking questions’ defence as to why he allows so much verifiable bullshit to filter through his platform unchecked. As I mentioned in my piece on Brand, there’s nothing anti-establishment about him, and his weak, politically loaded defences of credible abuse allegations are dog-whistles designed to rile up his most deluded supporters. The culture shift in British entertainment, for so long steeped in abuse and corruption, continues at a snail’s pace.

WELCOME TO BEYONCE’S RENAISSANCE



Everything Beyoncé does these days is a capital E Event. She has changed the rules of music and celebrity to suit her own purposes and the Beyhive follows in loyal enthusiasm. In fairness, so do the rest of us. Someone who is simultaneously as well-known and elusive as Ms. Knowles-Carter cannot help but attract attention, and after dropping one of the best albums of 2022 in ‘Renaissance’, how could the accompanying tour not dazzle us all?

There was no hotter place to be in 2023 than at a Beyoncé gig. When she asked people to dress in silver, millions of people emptied stores worldwide to comply. Her own costume changes were documented with agonizing precision. Blue Ivy’s dance breaks and her skillful growth from concert to concert lit up social media. Beyoncé’s presence in your city guaranteed a level of economic growth that no politician could ever hope to replicate. It grossed over $579.8 million across only 56 shows, making it one of the highest-grossing tours of all time. And that doesn’t even get into the movie version. Everybody on mute until she makes her next move.

But also, please release the visuals already?