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A Gold Digger Can’t Catch a Break


"Celebrities Are Better Than You" / Courtney Enlow

Think Pieces | July 21, 2010 | Comments (63)


In the weeks since we discovered Mel Gibson’s talent for fist dentistry and penchant for blow jobs under the penalty of arson, one thing has become abundantly clear: To an unsettling number of people, it’s all her fault.

When we first met Oksana Grigorieva, she was a humble Russian homewrecker, one many assumed was at least co-responsible for the destruction of Gibson’s 26-year marriage. Within days of their first public appearance, it was announced she was pregnant with his child.

After the public lost interest, we didn’t hear much until the breakup and the subsequent implications of abuse. And then the tapes happened.

We’re now six tapes in, each tape full of solid gold nuggets of lady hate, the latest including what’s become standard fare like, “You need a fucking kick up the ass for being a bitch, cunt, gold digging whore.” Maybe it’s just because at this point, “bitch, cunt, gold digging whore” might be just how Mel says “good morning” but I’m no longer as disturbed by what he’s saying as I am by the comment threads on the websites posting it.

Just like when Chris Brown beat Rhianna into near-unconsciousness, the idiot dipshit brigade has come out in full force favor of the attacker. Because, you see, the bitch had it coming. She mouthed off. When will you silly vagina-havers ever learn?

Here’s a few examples:

  • “This woman is a lowlife garbage can. It is obvious that she is setting up Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson’s ex wife of 26 years has come out and said that Mel has never been violent or abusive. Also, the tapes are inadmissible in court, and now all of the sudden she is trying to come up with witnesses. Very sad… this Oksana woman is disgusting.”

  • “Gibson’s camp isn’t releasing anything to the publice so as not to anger the judge the way Oksana already has. Listen to what she’s saying next time you hear the tapes. Wait until all evidence is revealed to the public before blindly believeing everything a woman says.”

  • “Insane!!! I dont believe this woman!!! Money !!! Money !!! I dont want want Mel`s career ruined because of this > I love his movies and I want to see more.”

  • “This Gold-digger was Mel’s biggest mistake — she obviously followed thru with her extortion plan by recording him without his knowledge in the home of his daughter. She pulled the oldest trick in the book - getting pregnant to lay claim to his bank account. At least he was smart enough not to marry her. It’s always been reported that he was a great dad —and now the media sides with the Russian ho for headlines. Shame on them he is trying to do what’s right for his child…when many men would have just walked away. Two thumbs up for Mel —I hope she gets jail for her plot and he gets his daughter.”

    What’s fucked up is these comments are all (purportedly) from women. Illiterate ones apparently, but women nonetheless.

    Gibson’s family has come forward to say they stand by their Melly. Of course they do. If they don’t, he might Rockatansky them in the jawbone, then bury them in the flower bed. His ex-wife stands by him too. And by that I mean she stands by her alimony.

    Radar Online, better known as “Mel Gibson’s Emporium of Expletives and Oral Sex Demands,” is not helping. It does little to dissuade people from thinking Oksana is the leaker (though she probably is) and somehow therefore deserving the sugar tits treatment by featuring horrific recordings of her violent abuse littered with links like “PHOTOS: Oksana Shows Off Her Post Baby Body.”

    Dustin wrote yesterday about our tendency to root for violence in film, unless it’s violence against women. This is very true. And yet, in this real life instance of violence against a woman, people root on. Was she a gold digger? Of course. Did she leak the tapes? Oh, totally. Did she in any way have it coming or deserve it? Fuck off.

    Aside from abuse, misogyny, racism and victim battling, you know what the worst part is? Motherfucker gave at least four flicks worth of material to Friedberg and Seltzer. I assume Vampires Suck is being re-edited as we speak. “I am going to burn this house down. But you are going to bite me first. *ball kick, piano drops on head* Avatar was a popular movie! Fart.”

    ****

    Now that all that’s out of the way, ‘hi,’ I’m new here. I’m not Canadian, but I am from Illinois which is basically the same thing. I like cupcakes and Neko Case and the movie The Crush and hate Katherine Heigl and the band Train. I have written for a couple Rifftrax, I used to work for a Kennedy, I have a dog named Annie Hall and I would appreciate it if you liked me.

    Follow Courtney Enlow on Twitter, and read her other stuff at HoboTrashcan.com.


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    Comments

    Dustin wrote yesterday about our tendency to root for violence in film, unless it’s violence against women. This is very true.

    "THE CRUSH" SPOILER!

    Courtney, you DO remember that in "The Crush," a man punches a young teen girl in the face and knocks her out, and you cheer for him because everyone knows she had it coming, don't you?

    Posted by: , at July 21, 2010 2:31 PM

  • I would appreciate it if you liked me.

    That all depends. What's your position on pre-Jacuzzi fellatio?

    BTW, it should be noted that there are rumors that Mel's PR firm may have hired a team of people to go around any website article linked to this and come to his defense. Whether true or not, I don't know. But it wouldn't shock me if some of those "Defenders of Mel and the Right to Blowjobs First!" weren't entirely just fans.

    As for Oksana, violence to women aside (and that's no small aside), it doesn't surprise me to see so many come out against her. Let's face it: the only things we know about her are that she's foreign, she got together with a married man and got him out of his marriage and that she bore his children.

    Compare that to Angelina Jolie, for example, and how her relationship with Brad Pitt is portrayed in the media. You can make the same comparison to Angelina and how she ended up getting Brad Pitt out of his marriage and bore his kids.

    The differences: one she's not foreign and two she was a known celebrity.

    I guess what I'm saying is if Oksana Grigorieva had been Katherine Heigl, then those people defending Mel wouldn't be so quick to jump to his defense -- lying cunt whore bitch though she may be.

    Posted by: Fredo at July 21, 2010 2:31 PM

    Gibson’s family has come forward to say they stand by their Melly. Of course they do. If they don’t, he might Rockatansky them in the jawbone, then bury them in the flower bed. His ex-wife stands by him too. And by that I mean she stands by her alimony.

    Ouch! Such cynicsm.

    Oh, and hello Courtney. I'm Matthew. I also like cupcakes and Neko Case.

    Posted by: superasente at July 21, 2010 2:33 PM

    I am also a pretty big fan of Neko Case. What great hair. Never having been to Illinois, I can only speculate on its Canadianosity by comparing Chicago and Toronto. And thinking of the Blues Brothers. I'll let you know my conclusion, but right now it's a stretch.

    Posted by: Brenton at July 21, 2010 2:41 PM

    Anyone who says, "I love his movies and I want to see more" obviously has fewer functioning brain cells than Anna Nicole Smith (in her current state). I'll admit, I liked Signs, but mostly because Joaquin Phoenix was still a little bit hot, Abigail Breselin is cute as a button, and that scene where the alien steps out from behind the bush in Mexico was pretty awesome. But for anyone who truly enjoyed What Women Want... fuck you.

    Posted by: megan at July 21, 2010 2:41 PM

    What was that survey all about?

    Posted by: Fredo at July 21, 2010 2:42 PM

    Ooops, where are my manners?

    Hi, Courtney!

    Posted by: , at July 21, 2010 2:47 PM

    I like you so far. I LOVE YOU NICK AND YOU LOVE ME!

    Posted by: sara at July 21, 2010 2:47 PM

    I found this blind item interesting. Perhaps it can explain some of the supporting comments for Mel?

    Money can’t buy you love, but it sure can buy you a public relations blitz. This American-born actor doesn’t have the best reputation in the world. However, despite his claims to a lessening fortune, he’s still got plenty of dough to buy temporary mates to bolster his image. On most websites, public opinion has resoundingly turned against this actor. However, on some of the most popular news and gossip sites, there are a puzzling bounty of posts lauding him as a great man and the victim of a conspiracy. Turns out that it is no coincidence. There is actually a team of people who have been hired specifically to adopt multiple personalities on each of about a dozen of the most popular news and gossip sites. Their job is to try to make their client look better by posting positive and supportive messages about him… and negative messages about others. If you look a little closer at those posters, you’ll see that they are new and exist solely to support this m* f* son of a w* c* b*. (Blind Gossip)

    Posted by: Smokey at July 21, 2010 2:48 PM

    Hi , and others!

    It should be noted that I am (and I may get flogged for this as it rings of hypocrisy) okay with certain instances of violence against women in film, because in cases like The Crush and Fatal Attraction, it is deserved and to say crazies like Adrian (or Eeeeeeydrian) and Alex shouldn't get taken down because they're women seems sexist and missing the point. I was bringing up the correlation to Dustin's piece yesterday. If we often get up in arms about fictitious violence, we should get far more so about the real-life kind.

    Posted by: Courtney Enlow at July 21, 2010 2:50 PM

    Ugh.
    Just.

    Ugh.

    I hope that when Gibson is strung up by the balls and set on fire, they take his fans with him.

    Posted by: Nadine at July 21, 2010 2:51 PM

    *waives*

    Hi Courtney! I'm from Illinois so I like you already. It's required.

    Posted by: Scully at July 21, 2010 2:52 PM

    Hi, Courtney. Before I can commit to liking you, I'll need to know your positions on Animaniacs,pandas, Tyler Perry and the Dred Scott decision.

    People are like crabs: They would rather pull someone down instead of pulling themselves up. Women have always been the greatest enforcers of misogyny just as blacks have always been the greatest enforcers of our own pathology.

    Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 21, 2010 3:04 PM

    I fear and hate change, yet I enjoy cupcakes and Illinois. What to do? Well, as long as you're hammering Mel you're okay. I'm just that easy.

    Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 21, 2010 3:08 PM

    Hi, Courtney Elnow! Welcome. I like Mid-Westerners and Canadians. We're a good people.

    One thing about this whole gold digger thing. It's pretty clear that guys like Mel Gibson or, say, Tiger Woods, use their fame and money to attract women.

    These guys are famous and incredibly wealthy. They know that and use their fame and wealth to bring in the ladies. They fly them around the world, they buy them expensive things, take them on exotic vacations, stay at the best hotels, etc. They do all of this, more or less, for the sex. Sure, it could be love in some instances, but for Mel Gibson, at least, it seems it's all about blow-jobs.

    The moment things go wrong or the relationship deteriorates or ends, then all of a sudden it's the women are "gold diggers." It's perfectly fine, apparently, for the guy to use his money to attract women to get what he wants. But the attractive woman who is getting showered with all this cash and these luxuries is the "gold digger."

    It's a ridiculous double-standard. Dude, if you're gonna throw "gold" around all over the place to attract women and get them to do what you want, you can't be angry or surprised if they take what's being offered.

    Posted by: Forbiddendonut at July 21, 2010 3:08 PM

    Hi! I like you. You bring the scathing and the bitchy and love for cupcakes.

    And was there a Pajiba job fair I missed? Because I have excellent references. They may be the tranqed-out ramblings of a panda, but they're totally legit... in Guam.

    Posted by: jM at July 21, 2010 3:11 PM

    The most frightening gold digger of all was Daniel Plainview.

    Posted by: DarthCorleone at July 21, 2010 3:12 PM

    I grew up in a very violent home, there were lots of black eyes and shouting and terror and the police came a lot.
    When I read about this woman leaking recordings to the media instead of pressing charges with the police, I get very angry with her.

    Posted by: king at July 21, 2010 3:15 PM

    Mel needs to find himself a better, more compliant, less mouthy prostitute.

    Damn, Slim. I thought you'd at least ease your way in with the new people. -- DR

    Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 21, 2010 3:16 PM

    The Rihanna thing frightened the shit out of me too. Someone close to me (not Nieve) said of the pair 'Well I heard they'd fight all the time and he'd hit her before and she'd hit him back'


    And my response was '......areyoufuckingserious?'
    Because really? Are you FUCKING serious?


    By the by, It's now being reported Mel might ACTUALLY have physically abused Timmy Dalton and Oskana's son.

    Before he'd angered a Bond by proxy.
    Now it's personal

    Posted by: Nadine at July 21, 2010 3:21 PM

    Yeah, but Dalton was probably the worst Bond which is probably why Gibson felt safe. Even Roger Moore would have pimp slapped him across a couch. Connery would have teabagged Gibson's mother and made him watch before throwing Oksana to the floor and giving her the best orgasm of her life.

    Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 21, 2010 3:29 PM

    If those comments shock you, have a look at any one of the political blogs. Your hair will fall out.

    Posted by: PaddyDog at July 21, 2010 3:31 PM

    What disturbs me the most is the amount of venom and hate in his voice when you listen to those tapes. The man is not a reasonable or stable human being and if I was on the other end of that phone I would be fucking terrified. Just the way he yells at her is full of uncontrolled rage. Why she hasn't pressed charges is beyond me (no it's not but I don't want to be accusatory)

    Also: Hello Courtney, you'll be hearing a lot from me. I'm all about sunshine and puppies and walks on the beach and holding hands and choking idiot motherfuckers. Oooh, and ice cream.

    Posted by: admin at July 21, 2010 3:33 PM

    Excuse me Fredo, but how exactly do you know exactly what happened in the Gibson and the Aniston-Pitt marriages? Oh right, you read about it on Gawker. My mistake.

    Maybe the problem with this entire situation is people thinking this private matter is any business of theirs. Deplorable or not, it's is none of your fucking business. End of story.

    Possible scenario: your beloved actor is a prick. Move along.

    Posted by: C. C. Devine at July 21, 2010 3:35 PM

    Tracer Bullet >> Don't you dare besmirch the Dalton or his Bond! Prince Barin rules Mongo!

    Posted by: DarthCorleone at July 21, 2010 3:35 PM

    Oh how much I want to give my point of view to the whole Mad Max/crazy Russian broad saga, but since Rowles lifted my ban and allowed me to once again express my views I think I’m going to sit this one out.

    P.S. Bslim you are on the right tract but I think you need to flesh out your thoughts a little more. I mean the flavor is right and you’re almost there, but you need to tweak it just a tad bit more.

    Posted by: Pookie at July 21, 2010 3:36 PM

    Nadine:

    A related story: I once worked with a woman from Pakistan, graduate-level educated, married to a Jewish guy, daughter of a UN diplomat who had lived in several countries around the world so certainly not an inexperienced, sheltered village girl. When her sister-in-law was divorcing her brother she said to me

    "I don't get it. He's really good to her and he only hits her when she really deserves it".

    Posted by: PaddyDog at July 21, 2010 3:37 PM

    Sorry but I just can't bring myself to start giving a shit about human garbage: Mel is garbage and she's garbage. I think there's way more deserving people in the world. A person that voluntarily fornicates with another individual, who by some accounts is trying to work an extortion scheme, who is willing to negotiate criminal behavior allegedly perpetrated against her for a big wad of cash is no victim.

    Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 21, 2010 3:40 PM

    Right!?

    There was a letter to the agony aunt in the paper yesterday, I've copy and pasted this from the website, and altered it in NO way;


    Dear Miriam,

    My son, who is 28 and married recently, often stays out all night with his mates and goes to strip or lap-dancing clubs which he says is harmless fun. He gives his wife a hard time when she complains.

    I used to behave like this with his mother and I'd give her a gentle slap if she went on about where I'd been the night before.

    But, looking back, I may have been out of order acting that way and losing my temper. My son says he works hard and earns good money, which allows my daughter-in-law luxuries and gives him the right to go out with his pals and pay for women to have fun with when it suits him.

    I know he got this behaviour from me but what can I do to get him to see he's making a mistake?

    Also, when I cheated, I never gave my wife a sexually transmitted disease, which my son has done to his wife, yet she's standing by him.

    Posted by: Nadine at July 21, 2010 3:45 PM

    It's the 'might' that kills me

    Posted by: Nadine at July 21, 2010 3:47 PM

    The fuck! What the fuck happened to you BSlim? All of a sudden you’re sympathetic and shit, caring about people and following the law and shit. I told you not to go to sleep, the pods must have got you. Son of a bitch went to sleep.

    Posted by: Pookie at July 21, 2010 3:48 PM

    Sometimes I have a dangerous curiosity about this other world that Pookie and BSlim inhabit.

    Posted by: DarthCorleone at July 21, 2010 4:03 PM

    DarthCorleone NOOO!!!!

    Posted by: Nadine at July 21, 2010 4:07 PM

    Right on!
    I'm so sick of the "gold digger" term being brought up in association with the tapes. Nevermind the fact that none of us know, with absolute certainty that she is a gold digger, it doesn't even matter. Anything about her character, life, hair color, whatever shouldn't even enter a conversation about what is on those tapes. Her morality has nothing to do with the verbal and possibly physical abuse that was directed at her. Mel is a piece of shit for saying those things, and I don't care if she did voodoo on him while he slept, there isn't an excuse for what he did.

    Posted by: ninetwenteetoo at July 21, 2010 4:20 PM

    Be careful what you wish for DarthCorleone. TK's basement can be a soul-destroying place.

    Posted by: PaddyDog at July 21, 2010 4:24 PM

    I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

    Posted by: TylerDFC at July 21, 2010 4:34 PM

    penchant for blow jobs under the penalty of arson

    And all these years, I've been asking politely. Ah well. Live and learn. Apparently, Beavis had it right all along. (Fire. Fire. Fire. He-he-he-he. Fire. He-he. He-he-he. Anybody getting hot yet?)

    Posted by: BierceAmbrose at July 21, 2010 4:38 PM

    I think both these people have done things in the wrong, so I can't root for either of them.

    However, I'm morbidly curious as to what Gibson's personal holier-than-thou Church member's think of all this.

    Posted by: BWeaves at July 21, 2010 4:47 PM

    I have a friend who originally started her American life as a Russian mail-order bride. She is bright, beautiful and not the kind of person to take crap from anybody. Her husband was sweet and charming and she genuinely fell for him prior to coming to America. The night they got married, he beat the living crap out of her and raped her. He never hit her like that again, just because he never felt like it, not that the threat wasn't always there. He paid for her college classes and helped arrange for her sister to join her in this country. She had to hide her birth control because he wanted her to have a kid as soon as possible because then he thought he would own her. As soon as she could, she left him. He tried to get her deported and went after her in the divorce. All their mutual friends and even her sister thought she was being so mean to him after all the money he spent on her. It tore her up to lose the support of her friends and family. Luckily she had a group of girlfriends from college who helped hide her and her dog and sit with her through the court proceedings. She never reported any of it to the police, in Russia you just don't.

    That bastard married her sister.


    Oksana has a child with a man who regardless of the circumstances surrounding the tapes is a monster. It is easy to sit in judgement of her that she didn't go to the police or acted in some way that you disagree a battered woman should behave. She is doing what she can to try to come out ahead of a no-win situation.

    Posted by: Jennifer at July 21, 2010 4:59 PM

    Excuse me Fredo, but how exactly do you know exactly what happened in the Gibson and the Aniston-Pitt marriages? Oh right, you read about it on Gawker. My mistake.

    Maybe the problem with this entire situation is people thinking this private matter is any business of theirs. Deplorable or not, it's is none of your fucking business. End of story.

    Possible scenario: your beloved actor is a prick. Move along.

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Posted by: Fredo at July 21, 2010 5:16 PM

    Oksana has a child with a man who regardless of the circumstances surrounding the tapes is a monster. It is easy to sit in judgement of her that she didn't go to the police or acted in some way that you disagree a battered woman should behave. She is doing what she can to try to come out ahead of a no-win situation.
    Posted by: Jennifer at July 21, 2010 4:59 PM

    ----------------------------------------------

    Sorry, but no. She had enough presence of mind to negotiate herself compensation in the millions, she was not (as far as I know) a prisoner in Mel's dungeon she could and SHOULD have called the motherfucking cops. Oooooh but wait, she wanted to keep her status (perhaps) surely she was in NO danger of ending up in the streets with the kid. So the way I see it, she was not under the effects of battered syndrome or anything of the sort. Comparing her to true battered victims is an affront and it takes away from them.

    I read on some other site that the Sheriff's Dept. is going to investigate her for extortion and I say GOOD. If they both acted criminally they both need to get sent to the slammmer and that's the end of it.

    Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 21, 2010 5:18 PM

    What's so wrong with these tapes? Verbal abuse? It's on a phone, right? Maybe I've been getting shipped some futuristic Japanese worthy phones but mine has an "End Call" button. She could have shut the phone off at any given situation or not answered. It's a difficult task, I know.

    These tapes make me love Gibson even more. He's just furthering his stereotype and I love it. Maybe there's 13 more of these tapes that bring new insults - some thing we can use in future instances.

    She's not a victim. Nor is he.

    P.S. Who hasn't said they'd burn a house down? I mean come on.

    Posted by: Zerath at July 21, 2010 5:54 PM

    "Fist dentistry"...hahhaahahahahha

    Who the H ever liked Mel Gibson anyway? GEE-ROSS.

    You are funny and I like you.

    Posted by: Kelz at July 21, 2010 6:32 PM

    Wow! I haven't read any of the other comments yet, but I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I saw that an article such as this was posted! I myself had been prompted to write about this, but my rage has left me rather verbally impotent, if you will.

    I'm thinking of, in my life, instituting an automatic decapitation policy every time I hear "she deserved it." It's one of the oldest misogynistic tricks in the book and I'm just so goddamn tired of people being so ignorant and callous.

    Posted by: Amanda6 at July 21, 2010 6:50 PM

    I think its hard for us to accept that a star like Mel Gibson has been this crazy the entire time we've watched his movies. Its almost easier to think he's had some midlife crisis brought about by the Other Woman, than face the actual facts that he has some serious mental problems and substance abuse issues. Do we really want to accept that the beautiful man in "The Year of Living Dangerously" would have happily smacked Sigourney Weaver in the face for getting out of line? Not really. But sadly it seems thats at the very least a threat he likes to make while screaming obscenities at the mother of one of his children.

    Posted by: Cheryl at July 21, 2010 8:23 PM

    I have been reading everyone's comments and wasn't going to say anything, but I can't keep my thoughts in, so here it goes...

    I was a fan of Mel; I do loves me some Mad Max and Braveheart. But being a (some would argue) talented actor/director/whatever does not mean you are a great person, I understand.
    For example, Repulsion was a great film, but I’ll be damned if I give Polanski any of my money in the future. As well, I will watch my Mad Max DVD, but you can bet your sweet tookus that I won’t pay to see him in anything from this point on.

    On to this situation with Oksana:
    Is she a gold-digging homewrecker who slept with a married man and had a hand in destroying his marriage? Undoubtedly.
    Does that give him a right to speak to her this way? No.
    Has SHE used horribly hateful language with him when she wasn't recording her conversations? Probably.
    But I haven't heard her say those evil and unforgiveable words, so I don't care. If tapes of her using the same language come forward, I will consider her on the same level as Mel. Until then, she is the lesser of two evils.

    But………………
    ……………… Even if one is a misogynistic, ignorant, backwards, dysfunctional, rage-filled Mel-apologist, one cannot excuse the vile and racist language he uses. One cannot excuse use of the “N” word, or the term “wet-back.”

    Normal people DON'T speak this way... normal women don't speak this way and normal men don't speak this way. Not behind closed doors, not when they are angry, not ever. I have never used such words in anger, and I don't buy the nonsense explanation that people do this when no one is looking; I don't, and I don't know anyone who does. Maybe I am crazy for having kind and respectful people in my life.

    And normal men don’t call women "whores" and "cunts. They just don’t. Call me inexperienced in the ways of men, but I have NEVER had a relationship with a man who spoke this way. My father doesn't speak this way, my grandfathers don't, my cousins don’t, my uncles don't, my male friends don't, my ex-boyfriends don’t, and my current boyfriend doesn’t.

    If you think this is normal, then I pity you and the unquestionably sad life you lead.

    Posted by: Sarah at July 21, 2010 10:14 PM

    I am a constant lurker and never commenter, but I had to stand up and say something about this, being a victim of domestic violence myself.

    Regardless of whatever you might think of her, NO WOMAN (well, no PERSON, really) ever deserves to be treated like that, under any circumstances. Saying that she "egged him on" or brought it on herself is exactly what our abusers tell us to keep us trapped. If I had a nickel for every time my ex-husband told me that I "made him" hurt me, I would be a millionaire now. It's complete and total bullshit, but I believed it hook, line, and sinker because that's what abused women DO. We don't think sanely, we don't think logically or rationally.

    Yall have no idea what she has told the police, or what they have said or done in her situation. In my case, after my ex-husband roughed up both me and our six month old daughter, THEN tried to kidnap her, I called the cops and had five different sheriff's deputies at my house who ALL sided with him. Because I didn't have any "proof" and because I was hysterical with fear - so of course, I must be KERAZYYYY!

    I wish to GOD that someone had told me to record the things he said and did to me. She did exactly what a police detective told me later I SHOULD have done: keep the abuser talking and try to get them to say abusive things so that you can record them, because that's the only way the courts will believe you. No one told me to do that while I was still with him, and after I finally found a detective who was willing to work with me, he kept me wire-tapped at all times when I had to speak to my ex. Unfortunately my ex was too smart to say anything at that point, and without "proof" the courts had ZERO sympathy and did NOT believe my situation - because I was probably just another dumb bitch who brought it on myself! - so I had to spend thousands of dollars and months fighting in court just to be allowed to take my daughter and leave the town where he lived.

    Sorry this is a novel, but this is a deeply personal and upsetting issue to me, and I hate to see people casually throwing around "shouldas" and "couldas" when they have no idea what being with an abuser is actually like. Have I been sufficiently scathing and/or bitchy, or should I try again?

    "I'm thinking of, in my life, instituting an automatic decapitation policy every time I hear "she deserved it." It's one of the oldest misogynistic tricks in the book and I'm just so goddamn tired of people being so ignorant and callous."

    Also, THIS.

    Posted by: MissLissa at July 21, 2010 10:44 PM

    @Sarah - I'll admit freely that I have used horribly hateful language towards my ex-husband. Sometimes it's all you know how to do to defend yourself. Especially when I weigh 120lbs to his 300lbs. Does that give him the right to shove me into walls and rape me? I don't think that it does.

    Posted by: MissLissa at July 21, 2010 10:48 PM


    a couple of observations...

    this woman is no victim. she is set for life and there is no shred
    of evidence that gibson physically abused her ....." sticks and
    stones ..........".

    if the picture above the column is a good representation of the
    russian whatever, gibson should be maligned for bad taste.

    let's see ... hates heigl and worked for a kennedy ... nope, i don't think i like you, courtney.

    Posted by: snake at July 21, 2010 11:33 PM

    Welcome Courtney!
    This whole thing makes me sick. Every morning it's on the news and no one seems to take it seriously. I don't care if she's a gold digger or not, no one deserves to be spoken to in that way. I'm with Amanda6 on the whole deserves it thing.
    I can imagine many reasons Oksana taped these conversations. The main one being that he sounds like a dangerous lunatic. This is more than a mere fight between exes. This dude sounds about one step from going postal and I just don't understand how people can defend him.
    Gah! I liked him once a long time ago but this is beyond the pale.
    There's Tom Cruise crazy and there's Mel crazy. I'd take the Cruise crazy any day.

    Posted by: trixie at July 22, 2010 12:18 AM

    I think they're both terrible people, and their punishment should be to spend the rest of their lives together.

    ...probably should let someone else take care of that kid though.

    Posted by: Salad Is Murder at July 22, 2010 12:30 AM

    Forbiddendonut: Thank you so much for putting this better than I ever could.

    And thanks to everyone here for renewing my faith in on-line communities. I've been casually following this story and the public sentiment on message boards. While I know the internets aren't particularly indicative of actual public sentiment, the sheer number of people who want to place blame on her is disgusting. No one deserves to be treated like this. And yes, I can and will pass judgment on him for this.

    I went to see Henry Rollins awhile back and he spoke a bit about violence against women. His take on it was that nothing would stop until other men started to step in and say things like "no you can't hang out with us, you beat up your wife" or "no, she didn't 'ask for it.'" I think that in the same token, women need to stop blaming one another and instead provide support.

    Posted by: Heather at July 22, 2010 1:08 AM

    Ummm...here's a thought:

    Maybe if Mel wasn't an easily-angered nutcase with millions of dollars, all the supposed "gold-digging" and "provoking" this woman is accused of would not have even been an issue. You know, if he had been able to handle his emotion better than a toddler, nobody would have to wonder if she deserved it or not.

    It just seems like, regardless of her guilt or innocence, he should still get burned because HE WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO DO IT.

    But that's crazy...right?

    Posted by: Vermillion at July 22, 2010 1:39 AM

    Hi Courtney! I think cupcakes are the best thing to happen in the history of humanity(EVER) and Train is one of the worst bands in existence (possibly second only to the truly worst band in existence, Nickelback).

    Posted by: Even Stevens at July 22, 2010 1:57 AM

    @MissLissa- I am in total agreement with you; speaking to a partner in a disrespectful term is not reason for said partner to turn violent. I don't believe I ever said that in my post. I am a firm anti-violence advocate, both for men and women.

    In fact, what I DID say was that it does not matter what she did or said; human beings are entitled to a certain level of respect.

    I am saying she is not perfect, I am saying I am sure she is a fairly vile person herself. I am saying it is entirely possible that she is just as racist and bigoted as he is, we just don’t have the tapes that demonstrate this. What I am NOT saying is that it excuses his behavior. It does not excuse his behavior, not in any way, shape, or form.

    I am also saying that normal people do not speak the way Mel speaks; this is directed at those who defend Mel by saying "everyone talks this way behind closed door,"... what I am saying is that this is not the norm.

    I understand you would say these things to your husband in defense; I do not think you were wrong to do so. Please do not insinuate I have said you somehow deserved abuse because of this, because that could not be more opposite of the way I feel.

    I am saying abuse, both physical and verbal, is NOT normal. I am sure you know that your marriage was not a normal situation; abusive language is not how it should be. And I am sorry to hear that people have lived in homes where it was the norm.

    That being said, I am glad to hear that you are no longer a victim of domestic violence, and I applaud you for having the courage to leave.

    Posted by: Sarah at July 22, 2010 7:56 AM

    Welcome Courtney!
    I already heart you, if for no other reason that you hate Train. Seriously I cannot tell you how much I hate that band. Everything about it: the annoying music, the idiotic lyrics, the lead singer's freakishly angular face and voice that grates like nails on a chalkboard.

    Anyway, you are right on with this. My work often deals with training others about domestic violence issues, as well as sexual assault, and I cannot tell you how often I hear blaming the victim and sympathizing with the perpetrator.

    Dustin was right about violence in film, but only so far as we're conditioned to be reactive to things we know are "bad"--rape, hitting women, racism. So we rally against it when it is presented in an obvious sort of way. Much like racism, misogyny hasn't gone away, it's just gone underground, which makes it so much more insidious and difficult to confront and change.

    Posted by: BubbaSue at July 22, 2010 10:04 AM

    Wait, who is Mel Gibson, again?

    Posted by: renni at July 22, 2010 10:13 AM

    I don't give a FUCK what this woman's motives were when she got into the relationship, or when she made the tapes, or when she released the tapes.

    The only fucking relevant issue here is that Mel fucking Gibson is a sociopathic, misogynist, racist, ABUSIVE MOTHERFUCKER and he belongs in goddamned jail.

    And if she can sue him in CIVIL court, too -- GOOD FOR HER.

    Fuck ALL y'all motherfuckers who say differently, too.

    Shit.

    Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at July 22, 2010 10:47 AM

    Welcome C, I like you so far :)

    Posted by: SarahReznor at July 22, 2010 11:31 AM

    So she's a gold digger. Or not. I can't really see how she MADE him leave his wife and get her pregnant, but I guess it was her evil Womanly Powers. What does her alleged gold-digging have to do either way with him threatening to bury her in his rose garden?
    The only plausible explanation I'll accept for the anti-Oksana posts is than his PR team hiring people to post them. I mean, how long has it been since anyone was a die-hard Mel Gibson fan, desparate to see more of his movies?

    Posted by: Gia at July 22, 2010 1:03 PM

    If she feared for her safety why would she stay at his home when he could have used his own key to walk in?

    How did he ruin her career when he spent over 5 million to help her?

    Why would she tell him she was getting 100k up to when they met. Was she up for sale?

    Why would you expose the father of your daughter unless for fear or profit" We know it wasn't fear, so it had to be for profit.

    Why would she keep calling him crazy? Is she a doctor?

    She had no logic and she's the one who seemed crazy.

    Sure he was angry, maybe even drunk, but why would she push his buttoms by playing stupid, innocent, knowing he would only get angrier.

    We all have limits, and Mel may need help to get back to basics again, but this fruitcake is a terrible mother and the fake boobs are a sign she is more interested in how she appears to others. Fake boobs, fake sausage lips, user, abuser, and yet STAYS AT HIS HOME.

    How dare she insult he's family when she said you spend money on an army, as if he is to forget his past because she is the godless now. He's better off without this person and hopefully next time he will fall in love with a natural and decent person, not some user who thinks the world owes her something.

    When people are angry and drunk they say stupid things, not an excuse, but they do, and Mel may need anger management therapy, but she needs prison. What she did to this family is ugly and to speak as if she was the wise one when her logic was pretentious, condesending and stupid. She has the intelligent of a mousse...

    Posted by: LKO at July 23, 2010 12:30 AM

    Okay - maybe the reports of paid trolls have me paranoid, but I'm seeing usernames here I've never seen before. Overlords - can you out these people? Can you tell if they just registered today or something? I want to know if someone like LKO is genuinely scum in his/her soul, or is just paid scum.

    I'm not sure either will help me sleep at night, but I'd like to know.

    Posted by: marya at July 23, 2010 10:02 AM

    I can't believe anyone actually sides with Mel or his ex-wife. Any sane man would have immediately gone to court to establish some custody rights. How many readers of this site can imagine themselves threatening arson and BJs on your x? I doubt this behavior began overnight.

    Posted by: sugaree at July 23, 2010 4:14 PM





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