What Movie Would You Show At Your Theater On Opening Night?

After the disappointing box office of The Fall Guy and Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga, there were many articles with lots of hemming and hawing about the future of movie theaters, the moviegoing habits of the general public, and what could be done to make going out to movie theaters more appealing to people instead of staying home. (For one thing, declaring Furiosa a box office failure on Friday afternoon of its opening weekend when the weekend has barely even started? Not at all helpful.) Besides discussing and fantasizing about the numerous things that could be done to improve movie theaters, and make them a lot more enticing to people (lowering prices for tickets and snacks, requiring ushers to remove rude audience members, increasing the windows for how long a movie is in theaters before being released on 4K/Blu-ray/Video On Demand, not making hardworking Manifest fans like Dustin spend their hard-earned cryptocurrency on things like ACX), there was also the topic of what one would do if they owned and operated a movie theater.

Actress-writer-director Julia Marchese (who I’ve previously written about when she asked Twitter to share their thoughts on action movies, weird and obscure movies to watch with your friends, and films languishing in Development Hell) asked her Twitter followers this question last week:

People who dream and imagine what it would be like to own and operate a movie theater are mostly people who love movies. As much as they like and greatly appreciate watching them from the comfort, convenience, and safety of their own homes? There was, is, and always will be something special about seeing a movie on the big screen. We all have certain movies that are our all-time favorites, and we remember how those movies made us feel when we first saw them, and how much pleasure and entertainment those movies gave us, whether through making us laugh, cry, cover our eyes in terror, or say “Holy sh-t!” multiple times from excitement and awe. To be able to share those movies with others who will see them for the first time (or see them again for the first time in a long time), so they can also experience those very same feelings about what they’re seeing on a bright wall in a dark room? It’s simply fun to dream about.

Here are some of the responses to Julia’s query on Twitter:

Who Framed Roger Rabbit was mentioned more than once, and considering how groundbreaking and hilarious it was, and is, for audiences of all ages, it’s not difficult to see why.

The Wizard of Oz is an ideal moviegoing choice for those who would love to see Dorothy open the door to the Land of Oz, and immediately turn the big screen from black-and-white to Technicolor … and for the select few who want to see that happen while high on edibles, and listening to Pink Floyd’s The Dark Side of the Moon on their headphones. (For younger readers who are asking why someone would listen to a Pink Floyd album while watching The Wizard of Oz? this is the part where I would normally say “Google is your friend,” but A.I. has f-cking ruined that sh-t, so just ask your parents, grandparents, or your white co-workers who don’t get on your nerves instead.)

Just because you have your own movie theater, that doesn’t mean Nicole Kidman still can’t remind you that heartbreak feels good in a place like this. Which she did opposite Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge.

Star Wars: A New Hope. The original theatrical cut that George Lucas considers an unfinished first draft that no longer needs to exist. Not the Special Edition version where Jabba the Hutt shows up looking like he’s on Ozempic, or where Han shoots Greedo first, or where Greedo says “Maclunkey!” before getting shot. (Seriously, what was that?!) And definitely not a Star Wars story with all of the woke, and the women being Mary Sues, and Black people just Blacking it up, and Lesbian Space Witches that has all completely ruined Star Wars and made it unwatchable, thanks to Disney taking it all away from poor, unfortunate George Lucas.

One person on Twitter made a clever suggestion by stating that the film they’d show in their movie theater on opening night would be Matinee, an underappreciated comedy starring John Goodman, and directed by Joe Dante.

If you’re one of the dozen or so people who owned Rad on home video back in the day or taped it off of cable, you can take comfort in knowing that someone else would want this to be shown this on opening night and give it the big screen treatment. (Though I’d suggest if you’re going to show Rad on the big screen, go all the way and make it a double feature by showing it with BMX Bandits.)

Before Miramax Films was known as “The House That Tarantino Built” thanks to Pulp Fiction, there was the dark comedy The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover, which starred Helen Mirren, Tim Roth, and the late Michael Gambon. It was considered controversial around the time of its theatrical release, due to the film almost being slapped with an X rating because it contains violence and nudity, and ended up being unrated so that it could avoid any negative perception for having the same rating as pornography.

The only thing better than watching one dystopian action film is watching two dystopian action films back to back. Such as a double feature of Mad Max (starring Mel Gibson in his breakout role as Max Rockatansky, long before the actor revealed himself to be a racist, misogynist, anti-Semite, and an absolute schlanger) and Six-String Samurai, starring actor-martial artist Jeffrey Falcon.

Someone responded to Julia’s tweet with Inglourious Basterds as their choice of movie to show on opening night. Whether it was chosen simply because that person really loves this movie or because they want to invite a bunch of Nazis and Proud Boys for the sole purpose of replicating the film’s ending is a mystery.

It feels appropriate that when answering the question of what one would show for the opening night of their very own movie theater, one of the films mentioned was Cinema Paradiso, the classic Italian film about the friendship between a young boy and a middle-aged movie projectionist.

A not-entirely-wise man recently asked the question, “Do you have it in you to make it epic?” And for movies to show at your theater on opening night, or any other day, it’s hard to make it more epic than showing 2001: A Space Odyssey, but with a live orchestra performing its score during the film. Bonus points to this dream becoming a reality if this all happens at a movie theater in Las Vegas, in case the audience members want to pay a visit to this monolith before or after they see it.

Robert Townsend has long been considered a comedy legend by the Black community for quite some time, and for very good reason. The film that put him on the map, and helped launch a few other careers as well? Hollywood Shuffle.

Any reason to see Tony Leung (star of Shang-Chi’s Fine-Ass Daddy And Those Ten Bracelets Looking Good On His Forearms Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings) and Maggie Cheung (who starred in Irma Vep and Hero) looking gorgeous together on the big screen is a good one, especially if that film is Wong-Kar Wai’s In the Mood for Love.

Are you someone who loves Grease 2, and will stand ten toes down in letting people know that it’s significantly better than the first film? Then this opening night would be right up your alley. (Of course, as I’m typing this, I now have Michelle Pfeiffer singing “Cool Rider” stuck in my head.)

The only thing better than seeing Reba McEntire be a single mom who works two jobs, who loves her kids and never stops, is seeing Reba McEntire as a gun-toting survivalist fighting gigantic worms in the Nevada desert alongside Kevin Bacon, the late Fred Ward, and Michael Gross in the classic horror-comedy Tremors. (Spoiler alert for a 34-year-old movie: Reba’s character doesn’t die in the film, because…as we already know…she’s a survivor.)

No matter how many times you watch it, seeing Ripley appear onscreen in the Power Loader, ready to beat the sh-t out of the Alien Queen, and saying “Get away from her, you bitch!” before doing so, will always and forever be a moment worth applauding. Aliens was suggested as an opening night feature, and one that should be presented in 70mm.

One of the greatest action movies ever made, and one that still has people debating whether or not it’s a Christmas movie, is, of course, Die Hard. (For the record, it is a Christmas movie, just like how Knives Out is a Thanksgiving movie.)

I’d be lying my ass off if I said I was shocked by someone on Twitter suggesting Zack Snyder’s Justice League as their movie of choice for opening night. Which I have nothing against, and much like Matt Zoller Seitz, if tickets become available to see it in IMAX, and with an intermission? (insert GIF here of Fry saying “Shut up and take my money!”)

A few other movies chosen by Twitter users to be shown at their dream movie theaters on opening night: The Dark Knight, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, Megaforce, The Towering Inferno, the director’s cut of Blade Runner, Heat (I’m sure if Petr owned a movie theater, he’d either show this or the entire Before trilogy on opening night), Phantasm, Night on Earth, 10 Cloverfield Lane, The Fog (the original version by John Carpenter, not the remake with Tom Welling and Maggie Grace), Bad Boys II, Tootsie, Sherlock Jr., Flash Gordon, McCabe and Mrs. Miller, Bela Lugosi Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla (I honestly did not know this was even a real movie until just now, King Kong (1933 version), A Nightmare on Elm Street (the original version where Johnny Depp hilariously gets eaten to death by his own bed, not the remake), Duel, Streets of Fire, Escape from New York, La Dolce Vita, Pink Flamingos, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Wicker Man (the original with Edward Woodward, not the remake with Nicolas Cage loudly expressing his feelings about bees), Alien, Lifeforce, No Holds Barred, Freeway 2: Confessions of a Trick Baby, double features of The Goonies and Back to the Future; Popeye and The Long Goodbye; Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo; My Boyfriend’s Back and My Best Friend Is A Vampire; a Charlie Chaplin marathon, and a Stephen King marathon (Carrie, The Dead Zone, Firestarter, Pet Sematary, and The Shining).

As for the movie I’d select for an audience at my movie theater on opening night? I’d go with the original Jurassic Park. Not just because it’s a masterpiece, or because it’s incredibly fun, but also because I went to a drive-in theater for the very first time at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic when movie theaters were closed down, and this was the film I saw there. (P.S. Dr. Grant>>>>>>>Dr. Malcolm, even though the latter does look good shirtless. What?! I’m not made of stone!)

There are many things I’d love to do and lots of movies and double features I’d like to screen for audiences, if I ever became rich and fortunate enough to own and operate a movie theater. But until then, I’ll just continue enjoying the sight of Nicole Kidman onscreen as she reminds us before the movie starts that we come to these places for magic, and also wondering when the hell the Cinerama Dome will re-open so I can visit California for the first time, and see for myself what all the fuss is about.