Nick Offerman announced last week that he and Megan Mullally were canceling their tour of Indiana in protest of the state’s new bullshit bigotry law.
Offerman did still do a show at Indiana University, and he used the opportunity to address the bill— specifically, to address fuckwad Russell Moore of the Washington Post, who suggested Leslie Knope and Ron Swanson would support the bill. Offerman obviously took umbrage at that idea, but, ultimately only being the actor behind a role, he turned to the man who created Ron Swanson for confirmation. And Michael Schur, creator and executive producer of Parks and Recreation, responded with the best asshole takedown imaginable.
Here’s a full transcript, courtesy of Zap2It.
Leslie Knope would have seen this bill for what it is, a carefully-worded, expertly-constructed document that reminds gay, lesbian and transgendered people that they are second-class citizens. Leslie would have reminded us that recently as the late 1960s certain businesses tried shit like this, only they said God wanted only white people to eat in their restaurants. And she would have further reminded us that the Supreme Court had a good long laugh and told them to scram.
Leslie would have said that while religious freedom is a basic and fundamental right, it is not more basic and more fundamental than the words “All men are created equal,” even though she would have then gone on a long rant about the use of the word men.
And she might have also pointed out that religious freedom from government oppression is not the same thing as telling a gay couple you won’t bake them a cake to help them celebrate their desire to formalize their romantic love just because you get skeeved out by two dudes kissing. Then she would have told you to get over it for cripe’s sake, who you love is who you love, it’s 2015.
She would have asked for people to recognize that every American citizen deserves respect. And that every citizen has to make small compromises in order to make room for everyone else. And finally Leslie would have asked that instead of passing bills that cloak basic intolerance in that nice-sounding but ultimately deceptive idea of religious freedom, maybe we should focus on passing laws that actually help people who, you know, have no food or jobs or something. Leslie would also be annoyed at herself for this final ad hominem attack on the bill we’re discussing, but she tended to get a little riled up and sometimes forgot her old debate club teachings.
As for Ron, he would have hated the bill because it was a bill made by the government.
I will add, despite my full stop, that he would also have hated it because he was a Libertarian and that means he thinks the government should stay the hell out of people’s lives and bedrooms, and any law that purports to take a stance on people’s private choices — and make no mistake, that is what this bill is doing — is a piece of shit bill.