Latest Hilarious Alex Jones Conspiracy: Michelle Obama Murdered Joan Rivers for Outing Her as a Man
Please, do not get outraged by the following Alex Jones’ conspiracy theory. It is not worthy of outrage, but it is the most hilarious, crackpot bullshit I’ve seen since he went on a deranged rant about the government depriving him of life extension services.
The man commands 2 million listeners a week, half of whom I suspect buy into his unhinged crackpottery, and the other half I can only assume tune in for the best comedy on the planet.
Here are the highlights:
1) Michelle Obama is a transgender woman, based on the fact that her shoulders are wide and an apparent pooch that suggest she’s wearing a codpiece to cover her male genitalia. The fact that Michelle Obama is a man is apparently widely known, and has been for eight years.
2) Barack Obama was raised by a “gay transgender prostitute nanny.”
3) “It’s not racist to say she looks like a man.” (Whew. I mean, it’s a lot of other things, but it’s not racist, you guys!)
4) Michelle Obama is the “co-President who tells everyone’s kids what to eat for lunch, because [she’s] God.”
5) President Obama will sue Texas and North Carolina if we “don’t teach 5 year olds how to be tr**nies. They’re trying to sexually confuse kids.”
6) Joan Rivers was murdered — she apparently had fire poured down her throat — for suggesting that Michelle Obama was a man.
7) Michelle Obama’s daughters “don’t look like her. I really think this is some weird hoax … it’s all about rubbing our noses in it. I think it’s an arranged marriage. It’s totally fake. It’s a big sick joke because he’s obsessed with transgender. It’s a weird cult or something.”
Alex Jones, ladies and gentlemen. The craziest fucker on the planet.
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