Please, do not get outraged by the following Alex Jones’ conspiracy theory. It is not worthy of outrage, but it is the most hilarious, crackpot bullshit I’ve seen since he went on a deranged rant about the government depriving him of life extension services.
The man commands 2 million listeners a week, half of whom I suspect buy into his unhinged crackpottery, and the other half I can only assume tune in for the best comedy on the planet.
Here are the highlights:
1) Michelle Obama is a transgender woman, based on the fact that her shoulders are wide and an apparent pooch that suggest she’s wearing a codpiece to cover her male genitalia. The fact that Michelle Obama is a man is apparently widely known, and has been for eight years.
2) Barack Obama was raised by a “gay transgender prostitute nanny.”
3) “It’s not racist to say she looks like a man.” (Whew. I mean, it’s a lot of other things, but it’s not racist, you guys!)
4) Michelle Obama is the “co-President who tells everyone’s kids what to eat for lunch, because [she’s] God.”
5) President Obama will sue Texas and North Carolina if we “don’t teach 5 year olds how to be tr**nies. They’re trying to sexually confuse kids.”
6) Joan Rivers was murdered — she apparently had fire poured down her throat — for suggesting that Michelle Obama was a man.
7) Michelle Obama’s daughters “don’t look like her. I really think this is some weird hoax … it’s all about rubbing our noses in it. I think it’s an arranged marriage. It’s totally fake. It’s a big sick joke because he’s obsessed with transgender. It’s a weird cult or something.”
Alex Jones, ladies and gentlemen. The craziest fucker on the planet.