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ABC Is Replacing 'Agent Carter' With a Fetid Dumpster Fire from Hell. OK Then.

By Rebecca Pahle | Trailers | May 18, 2016 |

By Rebecca Pahle | Trailers | May 18, 2016 |

Good morning. What the fuck is this?

Short answer: Time After Time is an upcoming show from ABC in which H.G. Wells time travels to the present day in order to hunt down his one-time friend Jack the Ripper. It’s based on a novel by Karl Alexander, which was previously adapted into a 1979 movie starring Malcolm McDowell and Mary Steenburgen.

Long answer: This trailer makes me want to light my hair on fire. It makes me want to kick a puppy. It makes me embarrassed for everyone involved, up to and including God and my mother, for giving birth to someone who willfully subjected herself to all two minutes and 58 terrible seconds of it. It took me until a minute in to realize it’s not some sort of parody, and then I cried real tears. It is the single most cringe-inducing thing I have seen in my life, and I watched that movie where God bombed Hiroshima.

“You don’t belong in this time. OR ANY TIME.”

“*gasssssssp* This exhibit doesn’t open for three days! This is the lamest time travel ever. Did we not have the budget for flying cars?

“I can take care of myself. I’m from Texas.”

“But I don’t know you!” “…..I’m your GREAT-GRANDDAUGHTER.” *drama zoom*

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ABC. You cancelled, like, all of your shows, including Agent Carter. Are you not at least trying to cultivate the illusion of being selective? You do realize people liked Sleepy Hollow for all of one season, right?

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