Watch 'Ted,' Even If It's Against Your Better Instincts

By Dustin Rowles | TV | February 6, 2024 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | February 6, 2024 |

People have been saying that movie (and television) criticism has been dying for years, and maybe it is. Most people do not need to read a review to know whether to see the latest Marvel film or Argylle. But critics are still valuable in at least two respects: In recommending films and television shows that fly under the radar, and in insisting that something you have no interest in watching is actually well worth it.

That brings me to Ted, the Peacock television series prequel to Seth MacFarlane’s 2012 movie. Seldom have I dismissed a series as quickly as I did Ted, which premiered early last month. Honestly, I crossed it off my list before watching a minute of it. Who the hell could possibly care about a prequel series to a 12-year-old film that had already worn out its welcome with a bad 2015 sequel?

But then someone on our staff, who I would not have guessed would like Ted and whose opinion I respect, said it was surprisingly funny. Then, I saw a few review headlines that suggested the same, so I caved. I dialed it up on Peacock, saw that the first episode was 50 minutes, and immediately shut my laptop. Hell no! Comedies are not 50 minutes long! No way in hell I’m watching!

But then another week went by, and positive word of mouth continued to berate me. Everywhere I looked, someone was trying to convince me that Ted was funny, and I could only stick my fingers in my ears and lalala it away for so long. Three weeks after its release, I finally forced myself to watch an episode of Ted, and then two, and then three, and then the whole goddamn series in less than 48 hours.

Fine. I relent. Ted is fucking hysterical. There are moments in the series where I — a sober middle-aged man whose favorite shows of the last decade are The Leftovers and Better Call Saul — giggled out loud. In front of my wife, who laughed at me for giggling because I am not a giggler unless I am high, and since I do not smoke weed, I do not giggle. And yet, Ted elicited that in me.

And it’s not just that it’s funny. Ted is also heartfelt and sweet. It’s a family comedy with a lot of masturbation jokes and terrific comedic performances from Scott Grimes, Giorgia Whigham, and especially Alanna Ubach, who seems to be channeling the mousy mom in Better Off Dead, and she makes that character work. And there is also Max Burkholder, playing the young Mark Wahlberg role. Burkholder played the kid on the spectrum in Parenthood a decade ago, and he is surprisingly adept at playing a teenage John Bennett, a likable loser whose only friend is a magical teddy bear voiced by Seth MacFarlane.

When my kid was in the hospital at a particularly low point a few years ago, he asked if we could watch a dumb but funny movie that would make him forget about his woes. I chose Ted, which gave a cancer kid two hours of real joy. But that same kid is now an anti-capitalist, anti-sequel, anti-reboot cynic who spends more time railing against Disney live-action remakes than he does working on his algebra. When I told him about the Ted prequel, he went into the kind of Hollywood sucks rant that only a 16-year-old can deliver. But I told him it was funny, and after upbraiding his father for suggesting such a thing, he begrudgingly tried it. He also finished it in less than 48 hours and was almost livid at how much he loved it.

It takes a real asshole to reboot something no one asked for and then have the audacity to make it not only funny but genuinely enjoyable. It’s a real dick move on Seth MacFarlane’s part. No one wanted this! And yet, everyone who ignored the voices in their head telling them not to watch Ted has ultimately enjoyed it. A lot. Enough to recommend it to other people, even knowing what that might do to their reputation. Ted? The talking teddy bear show? Yeah. I don’t know what to tell you, but it’s really funny, weirdly progressive for a Seth MacFarlane show, and unexpectedly touching. I wouldn’t believe me, either. But it’s true.

Ted is currently streaming on Peacock.