'Vanderpump Rules' Season 8 Has a Premiere Date, With New Faces (…and New Cast Members, Too!)

Vanderpump Rules is coming back for season 8, thank the maker. I miss those boozed up “SURvers” more than I care to admit.

via GIPHY

Let’s get to the bad news, first: the season premiere date is not going to happen anytime soon. We’ll be graced with Stassi, Jax and the others starting Tuesday, Jan. 7, which sucks. That means that Stassi won’t be able to talk about the new eps when I go see her on her “Straight up with Stassi Live” tour because I am one hundred percent all-in on Vanderpump Rules, friends. Yes, you can expect a full-debrief once I’m back from it (and recuperated from my hangover.)

via GIPHY

Anyway, here’s the trailer for season 8, played over a haunting dirge-like rendition of “Raise Your Glass” the theme song to VPR, so you know we’re supposed to be worried about the health of long-standing relationships and all the ensuing drama, this season.

New SURvers. New feuds. Same ol' SUR.#PumpRules returns January 7! Get more on Season 8: https://t.co/cS94BuJ7hd pic.twitter.com/hsv2Ph5dgm

— Bravo (@BravoTV) November 7, 2019

You can watch the extended trailer (which has the new intro) over at ET Online.

Of course I wouldn’t leave out the new cast photos from the trailer. Here they are:

Hey, look, Beau’s in the cast, now!

Look at Simpler Tom giving us his best “Blue Steel.”

Oh, look. DJ James Kennedy is back. Goody. (Not!)

LOL. This may be my favorite grouping, I don’t know why.

I f*cking love Lisa Vanderpump, what can I say?

OK, now that we’re all up to speed, where to begin. Let’s start with the obvious joke about new faces, and new cast members, too because that is the type of humor that VPR invites.

So, off the bat, not super stoked about so many new people. I get why they did it—last season’s plots were tissue-paper thin. Our core-crew is just growing up, slowing down, and aren’t out there fighting in an Adderall-induced boozy rage as often as they used to be. The show needs fresh meat. I’m just not thrilled with the obvious Stassi and Jax 2.0. Do we really need another vapid dude and his incessant cheating on the show? It will only work if Jax takes this new guy under his wing and teaches him the way of the Jax—which means taking his shirt off to fight at every opportunity and compulsively stealing things. Jax is my favorite person the show. Have I mentioned that yet? I don’t know what Simple Tom Sandoval did to him, but I very much look forward to the mental gymnastics of Jax’s reasoning. Also, to his beer cheese line coming out with Brittany.

Which leads me to my second fav person on the show, Doute. I f*cking love her. Sure, she makes terrible decisions a lot of the time, but without Doute, we wouldn’t have interesting storylines, so team Doute, always. I don’t know what beef Stassi and Katie have with her (although I’m sure we’ll find out,) but they need to back off my precious Mariposa (never forget the Mexico trip from last season, y’all.) If they can get over Kristen sleeping with Jax while he was with Stassi; and then most likely sleeping with DJ James Kennedy while SimplerTom(probably, maybe? looked on until he drunkenly wandered off to another resort, they can get over anything. Let Kristen be, ladies. Just let her shine and stay out of her way.

I’m sure there will be more drama, I’m just hoping for a DJ James Kennedy-lite, season, with some heavy Jax gaslighting people while he lives his life with no consequences, thrown in for good measure—and an appearance by the Schwartz triplets because they’re always down for a good time.

Well, I for one am excited about season 8, and now we just have two long months until it premieres. Until then, I’ll have to keep myself occupied by occasionally shouting out to no one in particular, “I’m the number one guy in this group.”