Friends, this season is almost over, and frankly, it’s not been as good as seasons past. Granted, last season was Jax-centric what with him being a cheating cheater who cheats, so it was bound to be good. But this season has tried to make the central conflict around DJ James Kennedy, and you can tell it’s lacking in substance as a result. Oh well, let’s talk about what did work in the past episode, shall we? (A blissfully DJJK-free episode.)
Stassi and Beau, bless them, are clearly a real couple. Stassi is a drunk brat who has trust issues (why wouldn’t she?! We’ve seen the guys she’s dated on the show. Patrick, a pedantic d-bag, and that guy who Lisa had to buy back Stassi’s nude video from.) Beau is one of those guys who just want to be where the action is—that leads to tears and snide comments when one is on a trip in Mexico with the VPR crew.
Stassi freaked out at Beau both nights in Mexico because she wanted him to go to bed with her, going so far as to try to back out of the girl’s skinny-dipping trip she planned because she wanted to be alone with him. The same thing happened basically the next night, too. I think we can all agree that Stassi was a drunk brat and that Beau seems like a good guy.
Katie and Tom wrapped up their fight quickly, which was funny, because we all knew they would run out of steam pretty quickly on that one (they were both clearly wasted.) The rest of the episode they were on their regular terms with each other: slightly affectionate on the surface, simmering resentment beneath. Fun!
Doute may have broken her emotional terrorist streak on this trip because she finally discovered that she should room alone on these things. Instead, she just got drunk, and did a lot of voice to text translations of English-to-Spanish phrases on her phone during her talking head interviews, then attempted to repeat back what the robot voice said while looking smugly at the camera. Doute, I mean this in all sincerity, don’t ever change. I love you, you crazy giraffe, butterfly, with the DSL. (All words/phrases she translated into Spanish.)
Doute also said what I think basically every episode: the dudes on this show can get away with murder and are given way too many second chances and are always forgiven—but her past is thrown in her face all the time. There absolutely is a double standard at play, and Doute is right.
Jax started some drama (yasss!) by bringing up Doute hooking up with James on the last Mexico trip (last season) at a dinner, which Stassi and Scheana heard, but Doute couldn’t because she has self-proclaimed “small ear canals.” Scheana ratted out Jax to Doute, who took him aside the next night. Look, I’m with Jax on this one. She clearly hooked up with James in Mexico last season. The pillows don’t lie—and everyone is protesting too much for me to think it’s not true. I don’t understand Scheana, though. She won’t stick up for Lala, but she’ll come running to Doute for a storyline? Whatever, I guess I just answered my own question.
Sandoval proved once again what a weirdo he was by going on about his leg-knife, then wearing said leg-knife when they went on their excursion to the lagoon. I love him when he shows us just how foppish and dandy he is at heart.
Finally, the guys put together a funny bit on FOMO (which they believe can be solved with tequila, I mean, obviously) because it’s clear it’s something they all have. If you watch the video above, Stassi and Ariana (who, btw, we rarely see her that drunk, and she is pretty fun!) clearly don’t have it and don’t understand why Beau and Sandoval seem to always have it. (Me neither. I enjoy missing out too, ladies!)
The highlight of the episode was the crew singing to Stassi’s voicemail (because she was trying to back out of the night’s festivities) that she had to puke and rally, puke, puke, and rally.
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Thank god for Denise Richards because she got married in this one, and clearly doesn’t really give a s*it. I love it. She was over an hour late for her ceremony, told her daughter to wear what made her comfortable when she was complaining about her high-heels (she switched into sneakers, looked cute, and was clearly more comfortable), her dress was a sequined romper, and she walked down the aisle with her youngest daughter and fiancé to heavy metal music because it was her second wedding and not a huge deal. I like Denise. She seems too lowkey to put up with this sh*t for too long, but I hope we can get another season out of her.
The highlight of this episode was by far the appearance of Jerry O’Connell as a wedding guest of Denise. Jerry is a Bravo mega-fan, and you can tell that he was geeking out over all the Housewives. We are all Jerry O’Connell in this instance.
It was pretty cute.
Real Housewives of New York
It looks like the Dorinda/Luann conflict is going to be the central focus of this season. Borrring. I’m still team Dorinda, but I don’t really remember why at this point. I also think Barbara is going to be a dud this season. She’s inserting herself into the mix of that conflict, but isn’t adding any value—her fight with Dorinda at Dorinda’s apartment was boring and dumb.
I do like it when Tinsley’s mother shows up, she’s amazing in that low-key passive aggressive way rich ladies like her act.
I’m glad we got to stop by Sonja’s personal-Grey Gardens, aka the townhome. Which is still falling apart, so I guess nothing is new. God bless Sonja Morgan.
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts—anyone else excited for the VPR reunion, which taped last week? I follow a few of the cast members on Twitter (OK, I follow all of the main cast, I’m not ashamed) and Jax in particular is hyping it up as very contentious! I hope it turns out more interesting than this season has been.
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