The 'South Park' Finale Is Dark, Even by 'South Park' Standards

South Park’s season finale goes all in on its bleak season with a dark holiday episode. Jesus has embraced full bro mode and is now dating Peggy Rockbottom, a MAGA-faced party girl who sings unhinged Christmas music. At an old folks’ home, she dedicates a carol to her new beau: “A Christian woman knows her place/So go ahead and punch me in the face … with my big fat t**s and my Botox lips/Saying Merry Christmas Jesus Christ.”

Meanwhile, Trump and Vance head to Colorado to break Peter Thiel out of jail so he can deal with the “butt baby.” Back at home, Satan finds a blue jock strap in the laundry, checks in with Towelie, and learns the truth: Trump and Vance are having an affair and want the baby gone. As the one carrying said baby, Satan is not exactly delighted.

Elsewhere, Stan stares into a toilet and wishes for a Christmas miracle, summoning the woodland critters. They inform him that his miracle will arrive in the form of Satan’s “crap out” baby — a prophecy they swear will make everything better.

While Trump and Vance attempt their prison break, Satan swoops into South Land and informs Vance that Trump has genital warts (Vance shrugs it off). Jesus shows up soon after, scoops Trump and Vance into a floating bubble, and Satan immediately goes into labor.

Jesus breaks Thiel out of jail, prompting Trump to cheer, “This Christian will do anything I want. Let’s go, Christianity!” Everyone converges on the hospital for the showdown. Trump, Vance, Thiel, Pete Hegseth, and an overly obedient Jesus arrive to block the “crap out,” only to find Stan and the woodland critters standing their ground. Stan gives a heartfelt Christmas speech that finally snaps Jesus out of it.

But the darkest moment arrives anyway: Satan’s unborn baby has ended its own life inside the womb, hanging itself with a bed sheet. Wow. They really went there.

Trump promptly reframes the tragedy as a celebration, hosting a White House funeral-slash-party and announcing, “Merry Christmas! The baby is dead!” Satan, devastated, moves out while Trump cheers, “I win. I win. I win again.”

Stan at least gets a small miracle when Jesus returns his family’s old house. The episode ends with Jesus watching over South Park once more, while Peggy reprises her Christmas number: “A Christian woman knows her place/So go ahead and punch me in the face.”

And that’s the holiday message this year: no antichrist, no grand miracle, no justice. Trump wins, Satan loses, and Jesus finally snaps out of it. South Park closes the season, much like our country, in a very dark place.