'South Park' Thinks Pete Hegseth Is a Weenie

In what is the penultimate episode of the second season of South Park this year, Trey Parker and Matt Stone give us a very special Thanksgiving episode. South Park is broke because of the tariffs, and they still want to hold the annual 5K Turkey Trot. Where could they possibly find the money?

Saudi Arabia, of course. And Cartman reasons that if the Saudis are joining the global economy, they won’t have time to invite Pete Davidson or Kevin Hart to comedy shows or stuff journalists into suitcases. Saudi Arabia agrees to host the race, and Cartman — a big believer in “race science” (or the science of racing) — recruits Tolkien Black to be on their team.

Meanwhile, Piggy has ordered Pete Hegseth to go to South Park to release the prisoner, Peter Thiel. But the South Park sheriff appropriately thinks that Hegseth — who is preoccupied with making social media content with his selfie stick and flailing while trying to do pull-ups — is a weenie and ignores his command. Piggy sends in the troops to help Hegseth make content/release the prisoner.

When the troops arrive, however, Hegseth mistakes the Turkey Trot racers for an Antifa uprising. As Hegseth bumbles his way toward quelling it, the soundtrack gifts us with a Kenny Loggins’ “Danger Zone” parody: “Pete Hegseth is a ****ing douche/Acting like a tough guy, posting it around the world / Making lots of content, like a teenage girl.” But the local sheriff ignores him and literally kicks his butt into back to jail, where he now shares a cell with Peter Thiel.

Meanwhile, Tolkien Black refuses to race for political reasons — because the Saudis are sponsoring it. So, Cartman steals his video game console. In an effort to chase him down, Tolkien Black runs through the fog of tear gas and inadvertently wins the race, proving Cartman’s “race science” correct.

South Park efficiently mocks the hell out of Saudi Arabia and Pete Hegseth in 22 minutes. Happy Thanksgiving.