Old School. Biblically Independent.
By Dustin Rowles | TV | October 16, 2025
For reasons that don’t make a lick of damn sense, South Park decided that this week’s episode is the season premiere of Season 28, and that their last episode (on September 24) was the Season 27 finale. What does that mean? No idea. Why break up the season into two? No idea. But the inexplicable Season 28 premiere was the best episode in a while.
In the episode, PC Principal ignored Jesus, the school counselor, and instead brought in someone who really knows about the anti-Christ: Peter Thiel (complete with a showtune-style Peter Thiel theme song). He apparently knows more about the end of days than Jesus. Thiel is brought in to investigate the mystery behind why all the kids in the school keep saying “six-seven.”
This is hilarious, because anyone who has a teenager right now has not only heard them say “six-seven” repeatedly, but a lot of us have joined in (and from my understanding, so have a lot of teachers). “Six-seven” is a complete nonsense phrase, but anytime someone says “six or seven” or “between six and seven,” kids these days lose their f**king minds.
In the episode, whenever Cartman hears “six-seven,” he laughs so hard he pukes, so Peter Thiel - the expert on the anti-Christ - thinks he’s possessed by Satan and believes saving humanity depends on solving the six-seven mystery (doubly hilarious because, again, six-seven is nonsense). He can’t figure it out, and by the end of the episode, with Cartman on death’s door from puking so much, he decides he needs to bring Cartman to D.C.
There, J.D. Vance is still trying to figure out how to abort Satan’s butt baby. Peter Thiel - again, the expert on the anti-Christ - says that Satan has a tiny, tiny butthole, and that the reason he’s never been impregnated with a butt baby before is that no one had a small enough penis … until Trump comes along (and there are a couple of moments in this episode where Trump masturbates with tweezers and chopsticks, which is something none of us needed to see). Trump goes to an abortion doctor to try to procure an abortion for Satan, but the doctor says the only person who can perform an abortion on Satan is an expert on the anti-Christ. Enter, again, Peter Thiel.
I assume Peter Thiel and Cartman will return in the next episode, whenever that arrives, and whatever season South Park decides it is.
Elsewhere in the episode, Jesus is confounded by the brand of Christianity that’s taken over the country. He asks PC Principal what kind of Christian he is, and PC Principal says he’s the kind that “loves this country and hates,” uh, gay people. Jesus is not OK with that, and PC Principal asks Jesus if he’s gay.
PC Principal also tries to set Jesus up with a recently converted Power Christian woman, like PC Principal’s wife. Apparently, to convert to this brand of Christianity, women get boob jobs, Mar-a-Lago faces, and listen to a lot of podcasts about the anti-Christ.
Jesus isn’t buying it, and he and PC Principal come to blows after Jesus accuses him of using the Bible to bully people. Jesus storms out of his date with the Power Christian woman at the Cheesecake Factory and takes a long walk, contemplating his faith while “Sister Christian” by Night Ranger plays. At some point, Jesus has an epiphany, and the episode ends not with Jesus rediscovering his faith at a church, but by shaving off his beard - leaving a handlebar mustache - cutting off his sleeves, and adopting PC Principal’s aggro brand of Christianity. “Let’s f**king go, bro,” he says, as the episode ends on an incredibly depressing note: Jesus has become a manosphere Christian.
