‘Ahsoka’ Refuses to Move Past Fan Service and Cartoon Bullsh*t

By Mike Redmond | TV | September 29, 2023 |

By Mike Redmond | TV | September 29, 2023 |

Previously on Ahsoka: With Sabine Wren as their prisoner, Morgan Elsbeth, Baylan Skoll, and Shin Hati arrive at Peridea aboard the Eye of Sion where Grand Admiral Thrawn is waiting for them. The Imperial warlord has been working closely with the Great Mothers, a powerful trio of Nightsisters. Honoring Baylan’s deal that promised Sabine would be reunited with Ezra Bridger, Thrawn not only returns her armor and weapons, but provides her a mount to find her lost friend. However, he soon sends Baylan and Shin after Sabine with instructions to kill her and Ezra. Should they complete their task is of little concern. Thrawn plans to leave them all behind and return home to take control of the Empire, but first, he learns of an unexpected guest en route: Ahsoka Tano.

Folks, I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. Ahsoka Episode 7, the inexplicably named “Dreams and Madness,” is a considerable step back. If last week’s episode was The Last Jedi, full of wonder and promise, this week is The Rise of Skywalker, full of goddammit and c’mon. With only one episode left in the season (series?), now was not the time to dick around. Unfortunately, Ahsoka just cannot stop suckling at the fan service teat and burning whole episodes on nothing but action sequences.

Right out of the gate, you know things are about to get rough as the story opens on Coruscant where these shows go to die with the notable exception of Andor. To drive that point home, poor Genevieve O’Reilly’s Mon Mothma no longer gets to work with some of the best TV writing under the sun. Instead, she’s forced to react to a freaking C-3PO cameo. You have no idea how much I wish I was joking.

To make matters worse, every Hera scene in Ahsoka has been a non-stop sequence of diminishing returns and ham-fisted Easter eggs. It’s impossible to ignore how bad they keep getting. I don’t want to jinx myself and say this scene has to be rock bottom because there’s still one episode left. Jar Jar could run over an Ewok with the Falcon next week. Nothing is off the table.

Anyway, Threepio shows up to save Hera’s bacon by telling the New Republic council, or however this sh*t works, that actually Senator Leia Organa — That’s right, a cameo and a name-drop — authorized Hera’s mission to track down Morgan Elsbeth just as she’s about to be court-martialed for going rogue back in Episode 4. Whew, that was a close one, gang. With that settled, Mon Mothma privately lets Hera know that she knows her and Leia just bullsh*tted everyone. More importantly, she wants to know if the New Republic should start pissing its pants about Thrawn, and Hera is like, “Uh yeah, lady. Get pissing.” (Actual quote.)

Told you I wasn’t joking. God is dead.

With a heaping helping of fan service out of the way, surely, Ahsoka can get back to whatever slamming vibes it was putting out in Episode 6 and keep moving the plot forw— oh f*ck me, it’s Hayden Christensen again. Apparently, the Threepio cameo didn’t generate enough nostalgia wanks because this show went right back to the Anakin well in the form of a training hologram for Ahsoka. And just like Threepio, our boy is a name-dropping machine: General Grievous, Count Dooku, and the big one, the first live-action mention of Asajj Ventress. In the words of Hera, “Get pissing, everybody!”

While I’d like to say the back-to-back fan service was the worst part of this scene, that honor goes to Ahsoka wistfully saying, “He was a good master,” in reference to the guy who became repeat child murderer Darth Vader. I know this series in particular has been big on spamming the notion that Anakin is more than just his turn to the Dark Side, but what this recap presupposes is… no, he’s not! Goddammit. Hayden Christensen’s presence in Star Wars only exists because George Lucas wanted to show how Darth Vader became Darth Vader. It’s his whole freaking deal, man.

With her lightsaber training wrapped up, Ahsoka and Huyang focus on their arrival at Peridea, which immediately goes south thanks to Thrawn’s forces turning the whole area into a minefield. Ahsoka does her best to maneuver her ship to safety, but just as she’s clear of the mines, The Eye of Sion unleashes a squadron of fighters. Aping The Empire Strikes Back — Have I mentioned the fan service in this episode yet? — Ahsoka flies into a debris field filled with Purgill bones and quietly hides after escaping her attackers.

Meanwhile, down on Peridea, Thrawn is learning as much as he can about his incoming adversary. However, the eerily calm strategist has a very rare moment of panic when he learns Ahsoka’s master was Anakin Skywalker. Without getting lost in the unruly weeds of what is or isn’t canon these days, the key gist here is Thrawn knows Anakin was a powerful, yet unpredictable wild-ass who got results. He expects no less from his pupil. (To answer the big question, does Thrawn know Anakin became Vader? Almost definitely.)

As Thrawn makes plans to deal with Ahsoka, Ezra and Sabine continue their reunion as they move the Noti village to new location. I’ve noticed in the comments that there’s been a lot of frustration with Sabine in this show, and to be honest, she hasn’t bothered me. She’s mostly registered as just kind of there or sporadically slapping ass. In fact, I was actually fine with her decision to go with Baylan because it made sense. She thought Ahsoka was dead, and at the very least, she could get in proximity of Ezra who is a formidable Jedi. The two have a history of fighting their way out of seemingly impossible situations, so it was a solid bet.

This week, though? Jesus Christ.

To be clear, I put the full blame for Sabine on Dave Filoni and not Natasha Liu Bordizzo, who in the proud Star Wars tradition, is doing the best she can with what she’s got. In this case, not a whole lot. With Sabine and Ezra now together and moseying along on a caravan that seems like it’s going to be a while, you’d think she’d clue him on the circumstances of her arrival. Nope. Instead, Sabine sheepishly demurs and says “It’s complicated” whenever Ezra asks what the hell is going on. There’s absolutely no rhyme or reason to it. The two of them are back together, and she’s fully aware Thrawn has the means and urge to restart the Empire. Brief the damn Jesus Boy and hero up, lady!

Fortunately, Sabine catches a break with the arrival of Baylan Skoll, who easily tracked them down. Something Thrawn couldn’t manage to do despite a massive ship full of tracking equipment, troops, and oh yeah, Force witches who can literally locate anyone. Not to mention, Ezra seemed to be pretty close by. I’ve taken longer walks to the library.

With Ezra located, Baylan no longer seems interested in doing Thrawn’s bidding. Instead, he cuts Shin Hati loose to follow her clear and evident “ambition” to win the Imperial warlord’s favor. Apparently, Sith/Dark Jedi apprentice are big on career goals? Who the hell knows? These characters went from being the most compelling part of this show to just another pair of action figures to knock around. But we’ll get back to that.

While Sabine and Ezra attempt to flee Shin and the bandits, Ahsoka is in hot pursuit after reaching out with the Force to find her wayward pupil. However, the Great Mothers were able to zero in on her location because, again, Thrawn has Force witches who can find anybody except the only human-looking guy on the whole planet who’s practically right under his ship. Goddammit, Star Wars…

Long story short, Ahsoka is coming in hot as this episode fully switches into pure cartoon mood. She barrel rolls out of her ship and heads directly for Baylan. This time around, Ahsoka is much more confident thanks to her time with Anakin and barely breaks a sweat holding off Baylan, who she apparently just wanted to f*ck with? Seriously, Ahsoka easily fights him to a stand still and then just peaces out. How does Baylan react? By doing his staring off into the distance schtick, which is pretty much a joke at this point. You guys have been reading these recaps. Week after week, I’ve been saying “Hot damn, Baylan and Shin rule.” Now? Freaking caricatures.

As for Sabine and Ezra, they’re now locked in a brawl with Shin, the bandits, and a squad of Night Troopers who have joined the fray. An interesting development also occurs. Sabine attempts to give Ezra his lightsaber back, but he refuses to take it. The Force is his ally now, and he demonstrates that by taking out dudes left and right without a weapon. He even blocks Shin’s lightsaber using nothing but the Force. Oh, and the Night Troopers? They seem to be nothing more than just bandaged up Stormtroopers. No undead forces, yet.

Speaking of, thanks to everyone battling it out, Thrawn has had plenty of time to keep loading up his space coffins. He tells the Night Trooper squadron to retreat, essentially abandoning Shin in the process, leaving her to contend with Sabine, Ezra, and now Ahsoka without backup. When Ahsoka extends her hand and offers to help her, Shin contemplates it for a second before running off. With the three friends now alone, Ahsoka gets a moment to hug Ezra as Huyang returns with her ship. Things seem pretty swell for our heroes. — Or are they?

Back on Thrawn’s ship, Morgan Elsbeth can’t help but notice that Ezra, Sabine, and Ahsoka are reunited, which can’t be great. In full mustache-twirling mode, Thrawn gets his mansplain on by noting that the catacombs are already transferred so Ahsoka lost the one thing she couldn’t afford to lose: “Time.” Clever, no? Inexplicably, Morgan seems content with this explanation even though it doesn’t make a goddamn lick of sense.

Ahsoka is literally on the same planet with a ship that now has two more Jedi in it. She could fly over before Thrawn’s done taking a leak. Not to mention, if Ahsoka is as unpredictable as Thrawn fears, I’d be very worried she’s about to 9/11 my whole deal. That’s just me though. I’m an anxious fellow who always thinks someone (my kids) are going to 9/11 my stuff. It’s sort of a gift.

Mike Drops

— Despite the fact that I’ve routinely said that “What you see is what you get” with these shows, I’m not gonna lie and pretend that Episode 6 didn’t set my nerd brain afire with possibilities. That’s part of why Episode 7 was so deflating because it brought those explanations right back down to earth and kicked them in the nards. But, like an idiot, I’m still clinging to some of the theories bouncing around. For starters, last week Allyn mentioned in the comments that when everyone returns to the original Star Wars galaxy, they’ll arrive after the events of the Sequel Trilogy. While that seems like a long shot, it would take care of the pesky problem of knowing Thrawn will be replaced by the First Order and somehow Palpatine returning. I wouldn’t hold my breath though.

— As for a slightly more likely theory, Ezra refusal to wield a lightsaber threw fuel onto speculation that he’s been corrupted by whatever powerful entity is calling out to Baylan on Peridea. Eagle-eyed fans have already noticed symbols from Jedi: Fallen Order which could be a clue to the ancient being waiting to be unleashed. Ezra is notably eager to get home, and Baylan stayed back when Shin and the bandits attacked him. But, again, that could all be easily explained by “what you see is what you get.” Ezra probably does just want to go home, and Baylan still seems to be in deep contemplation about whatever the hell he’s getting into. On that note…

— Even though his character really farted out this episode, I’m extremely curious whether Baylan is supposed to survive this season (series?) and act as the Jorus C’Baoth for Filoni’s Heir to the Empire remix. If so, that’s a tough recast, and my sympathy to everyone involved. But while we’re on the subject, yes, I will geek out (and hate myself for it) if this show drops Mara Jade. Although, I’m fully bracing for that to be Shin’s real name and have already prepped my eyes for the rolling.

See you next week.