One of the great honors of my life is covering the Valley Girl beat for Pajiba—and because I take my responsibilities here very seriously, you’ll note that I told you earlier this week that the best movie of 1983 (suck it, Return of the Jedi) is finally available on streaming for the first time ever. Perhaps in not-unrelated news, the jukebox musical Valley Girl remake is finally getting a release date, May 8th, 2020—you can thank Overlord Jodi for that intel because she sent me this news. You’ll note it was originally supposed to be released in 2018, but then Logan Paul, Logan Paul-ed all over the place and the release was pushed back indefinitely.
Look, I can’t knock this movie too much because its release (probably) gave us Valley Girl on streaming, but friends? Judging by the trailer, that’s about all I can say that’s good. Now, I’m not really someone who gets hung up on the math of movies/tv but how does the math add up that Alicia Silverstone, who arguably played one of the most iconic mid-’90s teens, was in high school in the early ’80s?! It doesn’t. That’s some Heavenly Kid movie math logic right there.
Also, I am not one to begrudge anyone a paycheck … except Logan Paul. What the f*ck is he doing anywhere near my beloved Valley Girl?! I take umbrage, I say, umbrage! He is the worst, and while Tommy was also the worst, Michael Bowen is pretty excellent, so what I’m saying is—Logan Paul cannot fill Bowen’s shoes.
Finally, I do not understand the logic behind making Valley Girl a jukebox musical of ’80s hits when one of the most notable and memorable aspects of Valley Girl is its own stellar soundtrack. What is the logic behind this!?!
I love Valley Girl. The chemistry between Deborah Foreman and Nic Cage is still, in my mind, what true love looks like. I do not think lightning will strike twice in this franchise, and I strongly, strongly encourage you, if you are interested in the remake, to go straight to the original source, because it holds up, y’all.
This was been your Valley Girl news update.
Header Image Source: MGM