film / tv / politics / social media / lists / web / celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb


The 12 Douchiest Movie Boyfriends

By Courtney Enlow | Lists | December 4, 2012 |

By Courtney Enlow | Lists | December 4, 2012 |

Much like last week for child stars, this week has been a highlight in the world of assface boyfriends and ex-boyfriends. He Who Shall Not Be Named But Is A Total Fuckernutter rejoined Twitter after a brief respite following an altercation during which he threatened to “shit right on [comedian Jenny Johnson’s] retina.” (Guys, I’m starting to think he might have issues with women.) Then, on Sunday, Rob Kardashian (*shakes head*) released a slew of tweets about how ex-girlfriend Rita Ora (I didn’t know her name either but she sings that song that makes my eye twitch about “party[ing] and bullshit” that I totally thought was about “party[ing] and mulching.” Which disappointed me because there aren’t nearly enough shitty pop songs about gardening.) cheated on him and “let” him get her pregnant. Said tweets led to the trending topic “Rita Whora.” Clevah girl. The irony of the lesserest member of a family empire built on a golden shower video calling a lady’s virtue into question not withstanding, the point here is that some boys are ewey gross icky butt and my daughter’s not allowed to date ever. With that, let’s take a look back into some of the assfaciest boyfriends in some of our favorite movies.

(Note: I’ve received some criticism in the past for use of the term “douche” as a derogatory term due to a perceived misogynistic connotation. I, however, am of the belief that “douche” is the perfect term for the dickiest gents among us, for, like douches, they are bad for women and wholly unnecessary, and they will probably give you the crotch rot. Also, for obvious reasons, I’ve elected not to include scary violent murder boyfriends from horror or thriller flicks because they totally throw off the curve. Otherwise, y’all know what would have been on here. On with the list.)

Robbie “The Creep” Gould, Dirty Dancing


Sack Lodge, Wedding Crashers

Andy, Wet Hot American Summer


Roy Stalin, Better Off Dead


Gideon Graves, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

David, An Education

That Fuckin’ Footloose Guy


John Bender, The Breakfast Club

Mr. Sheldrake, The Apartment

Dante, Clerks

JD, Heathers

The Best of Brunettes: 14 Amazing Brunette Actresses | The Station Agents Ep. 7 -- The Weekly TV Power Ranking And Discussing The Science Of Zombies, Fertility and Pacemakers