As an actor, Billy Bob Thornton has loads of talent and is best viewed in either Oscar bait (Slingblade) or subversive, perverted comedy (Bad Santa). Otherwise, his attempts as a mainstream leading leading man have met with very limited success. While I will not deny that his scruffy, backwoods appeal has won over many fans like myself over the years, Billy Bob’s made very few “good” movies as opposed to a list of his “crappy” ones. Also, it is amazing how many of the movies that made this list come from the 2005-2010 years. Bad decade? You be the judge.
As a side note, this list only includes movies in which Billy Bob has appeared as an actor, so we’re ignoring All the Pretty Horses, even though it was indeed a pretty crappy adaptation. Ditto for The Gift, where he functioned only in a screenwriting capacity. Let’s do this:
Armageddon: Yes, this is the quintessential Michael Bay movie for the masses. Nothing good can ever come of that.
Bad News Bears: The perfect example of why remakes should rarely be allowed to happen.
The Astronaut Farmer: No really, this movie exists. Don’t worry — I won’t spoil it for you.
Mr. Woodcock: When the film’s entire concept is revealed in a perverted title, a feature length version is just not necessary.
Pushing Tin: Thus began the relationship with Angelina Jolie, which wouldn’t have been believable in this movie if it hadn’t also happened in real life. Poor John Cusack and Cate Blanchett.
On Deadly Ground: Believe it or not, I watched this in the theater. It was second only to Van Helsing in terms of an awful moviegoing experience.
The Ice Harvest: You’d think that Cusack would’ve learned his lesson by now. He almost looks ashamed to be included, doesn’t he?
Levity: You know what I love about this poster? How Morgan Freeman and Kirsten Dunst already know the drill.
Waking Up in Reno: Proof that Billy Bob should never do romantic comedy.
Eagle Eye: Yet another craptastic Shia LeBeouf movie. No, no no!
Faster: Dwayne Johnson played “The Bad” against Thornton’s “The Ugly” in this ridiculous throwback movie. While “The Good” was technically also portrayed by a character, it certainly wasn’t a part of this story.
School for Scoundrels: Hey, remember when Jon Heder was the next big thing? Me neither.
And a little unexpected bonus number for you…
Bandits: Hey, isn’t there a porn series called Ass Bandits? I think I’d like those better.
Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.