Given his track record, I was shocked — SHOCKED! — when I actually enjoyed Seth MacFarlane’s first feature film, Ted. I wouldn’t say it was a great film, and it had a lot of the same problems as much of MacFarlane’s work, but the teddy bear/Mark Wahlberg pairing was just charming enough to win me over. Critics mostly agreed, too.
But now MacFarlane has made another film, A Million Way to Die in the West, and let’s just say it doesn’t look good. Okay, more accurately, it looks like the kind of comedy I’d want to avoid at all costs. ALL costs? Yes. All. Including the sweet, merciful release of death. So here I present to you …
A Million Ways I’d Rather Die Than Watch A Million Ways to Die in the West!
1. Death by T-Rex While on the Can
2. Death by Ark of the Covenant
3. Death by Freak Gasoline Fight Accident
4. Death by BEES, NOT THE BEES! AHHHHH!!!!
5. Death by Mechanical Shark
6. Death by CGI Shark
7. Death by Jumping into Shark Mouth
8. Death by Sharknado
9. Death by Tornado
10. Death by Toronto
11. Death by Choosing Poorly
12. Death by Over-Acting
13. Death by Surprise Throwing Star
14. Death by Head Smash
15 - 1,000,000. Death by Crossing the Street
You didn’t think I would actually do a million of these, did you?