2016 Was a Whirlwind of Suck, And So Were Its Movie Posters
All of this year’s movie posters weren’t terrible—at the very least, we got those Keanu posters spoofing Oscar nominees with a cute cat—but, as with the rest of the year, the bad tended to overwhelm the good. Welcome to graphic design hell.
What. Is. This? Power Rangers’ “disappearing into infinity on the wings of suck” poster also appears as one-off character sheets, in case you need more first-year graphic design student garbage in your life.
To truly absorb the suck, you have to look at this in the context of xXx: Return of Xander Cage’s other character posters. Everybody else gets badass poses, and then here’s Nina Dobrev, with a bank of computers photoshopped over her crotch. And she’s wearing glasses, so you know she’s The Nerd One. I almost included the Rory McCann poster here too…
…but fuck no, it’s awesome.
Not that you can tell from looking at his weirdly deformed face, but that’s Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day. Yeah, I know.
Make it look like Felicity Jones and Tom Hanks could conceivably be in the same place at the same time, and make it so Tom Hanks’ face doesn’t look too small for his head. I’d even settle for only one of those. Baby steps.
Never has a poster made me want to see a movie less. (Ok, unless we’re talking about Larry Gaye: Renegade Male Flight Attendant.)
You get it? Because his character is literally a douche. If you didn’t see Sausage Party, this is the sort of trenchant humor you missed out on.
You get it? Because it’s a dick.
I don’t have anything against this poster series in theory—a little boring, a little uninspired, but fine—but what in the jiggly fuck does street art have to do with a movie that largely takes place in 1940s England?
Now, I’ll grant you, I know nothing about the Maximum Rush series. But I’m pretty sure the circled characters’ faces aren’t supposed to make them look like deformed reptile mutants/the long-lost clones of Benedict Cumberbatch.
“Watch your backup.” Because… Johnny Knoxville is Jackie Chan’s backup? That doesn’t even make any sense!
“Make the poster as ugly as possible. Yeah, you heard me. Just make it really, really unpleasant to look at.”
Oh. Great. Butt pose.
You know, if you’re going to do an awkwardly posed character poster of Paula Patton’s character in that movie where Ben Foster probably definitely fucked an orc, you can at least choose a shot where she doesn’t look like she regrets every choice that got her to this point in her life.
Oh yay, I love the “entire cast poorly photoshopped into a mish-mashed jumble of heads” poster genre! Airbrushing the life out of Gillian Jacobs just makes it even more *chef kiss*.
No, you know what? This poster is pretty on par with the quality of the movie itself. Proceed.
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