Even though Johnny Depp has enjoyed an amazingly long Hollywood career and is rumored to be the nicest guy towards his fans, the spell has clearly worn off for me. Still, I will acknowledge that he has made a disproportionately large amount of good movies for a paycheck actor, but he’s still indulged in some really crappy ones as well. Here are the top eleven of them:
Alice in Wonderland: Look, Johnny and Tim Burton can’t always hit a home run. This movie was merely a visual porn festival without much regard to what was going on within the actual substance of the tale.
Chocolat: Yes, a lot of people instantly warmed up to this romantic dramedy. I was not one of those people.
The Tourist: With this movie, the assumed formula was “2 A+ stars = awesomeness.” Unfortunately, they forgot about the script.
Blow: This movie was the point were “activist” Johnny began to get on my nerves. It’s amazing how he could justify playing the instigator of such drug-related violence in the U.S. and still be able to reconcile the role within himself. But you know, fuck The Man.
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides: We’ve been through this before, mates. Hot mermaids be damned, there was no excuse for this fourth movie’s storyline.
Sleepy Hollow: Naturally, this movie was visually spectacular but didn’t bring anything new to the table in regard to the subject matter’s legend.
From Hell: Johnny’s horrific English was only the starting point for this historical misfire of a movie.
The Astronaut’s Wife: Impregnation by alien! Or something like that. What a waste.
Nick of Time: This movie tried to evoke shades of Alfred Hitchcock but failed miserably.
Freddy’s Dead - The Final Nightmare: Remember how awesome it was to watch Johnny get turned into tomato puree in A Nightmare on Elm Street? That was nothing like this movie.
The Rum Diary: Instead of being fun like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, this movie was a boring and completely self-indulgent mess.
Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.