I know that Colin Jost is not exactly well regarded in these parts. I have found that my fondness for Jost is inversely proportional to my increasing disdain for Michael Che, so by the end of last season, I was ready to dry hump Colin Jost in the back of a Volkswagen. I think maybe the problem with Jost is that he thrives on anger, and he just hasn’t had the right target yet.
Last night on Twitter, he found the right target: Time Warner Cable, which has been dicking Colin Jost around for four months. For whatever reason, Jost completely lost it last night, and went on an incredible tirade. I do not like to use the word “eviscerate” lightly, but I feel it is warranted in this case.
The main reason I believe in the concept of Hell is because I know the people who work at Time Warner Cable will go there when they die.— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
My new goal in life is to be the Mother Theresa of getting people to switch from Time Warner Cable to Fios. #SpiteSpokesman— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
Hey Netflix, Want to come over to my place and watch Time Warner Cable slowly die together? (CC'ing Satan so he knows to expect them.)— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
When I called up Time Warner Cable, a representative said to me, out of nowhere, "I wish Bin Laden were still alive…" #timewarnercable— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
My #TimeWarnerCable isn't working. The box just says, "Voting For Trump."— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
For the record, my #TimeWarnerCable hasn't worked in FOUR MONTHS. But in fairness, it may just be tired from blowing Satan.— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
At this point, the Twitter account for Time Warner must have felt their stock price falling, so they got involved and tried to de-escalate the situation. It did not work out for them. Colin Jost was not about to be placated.
@TheColinJost We're very sorry for any negative experience. Is there anything we can do to help? ^MG— TWC Help (@TWC_Help) June 18, 2015
.@TWC_Help perhaps you could check in with the 3 technicians who have been to my apartment this week for a total of 7 hours?— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
.@TWC_Help especially the last technician who literally left after shaking his head and saying, "Dat's fucked up."— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
.@TWC_Help or perhaps you could talk to one of the I'm-not-exaggerating 25 customer service reps I've talked to over the past 4 months?— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
.@TWC_Help or the representative with the ID number 2254 who just offered to credit my account for eighteen dollars and seventy five cents.— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
.@TWC_Help Where should I follow you? To Mordor? What's your exact address?— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
I’m assuming at this point that Time Warner attempted to Direct Message him and ask to talk it over with him out of the public view. Colin Jost stabbed them in the back.
.@TWC_Help Yeah good call let's try to keep this private. (whispered) "One of your technicians showed me his penis."— Colin Jost (@TheColinJost) June 18, 2015
The rant stopped there, but the retweets did not. Jost retweeted about 40 other followers, responding to him with their own complaints about Time Warner. Even Verizon FIOS got involved, backing Jost’s plan to encourage everyone to switch from Time Warner to FIOS.
@TheColinJost Just throwing this out there: we're in full support of this plan.— Verizon FiOS (@VerizonFiOS) June 18, 2015
Honestly, if Fios were available in my city, I’d switch today.
Also, Colin Jost just earned +100 credibility points.