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The Election's Almost Over. Breathe. You Can Get Through This.

By Rebecca Pahle | Politics | November 5, 2016 |

By Rebecca Pahle | Politics | November 5, 2016 |

Three days from now, the election will be over.

2016 has been a crap year. Bowie died. Zoolander No. 2 came out. And the sack of Cheetos-encrusted, sputum-shaped elephant in the room: Donald Trump is running to be the next President of the United States.

Less than a week from now, he won’t be.

Now, that’s not to say that the fact that millions of people are voting for such a racist, sexist blowhard as Trump doesn’t have implications for the future of this country, even assuming he doesn’t win. (God, please, let him not win.) There will be a reckoning. And I’m too pessimistic to assume this will be the last we see of him, that the media will let him slide into the obscurity he deserves—he’ll pitch a damn fit when he loses, and there are those rumors that this whole thing has been little more than a jumping-off point for a Trump TV network.

Trump, and the impact he’s had on our nation, won’t go away on November 9th.


All that aside. You guys. This election is almost over. That’s something, at least. Can you believe it? Before I’ve had time to write another shit-stirring yet still entirely correct opinion post, Donald Trump will have lost his shot at becoming President of the United States. (Assuming you vote. Go vote.) We’re almost there. We’re so close.

But we’re not there yet, which is why this weekend will be an anxious one for many of you, myself included. (But all of my weekends are anxious weekends. My weekdays, too.) I mean, Hell, the Cubs just won the World Series. If that’s not a sign the world is about to end, what is? But at this point, the Saturday before Election Day, there’s not much we can do. Vote, obviously. Encourage your friends and family to vote, if there are any who aren’t planning to. But stay sane, man. Practice some self-care. You can do this.

You can:

*Say “fuck you” to cooking (unless you like cooking). Stay indoors in your PJs. Order pizza. Talk to no one for a full 48 hours.

*Binge watch that show you’ve been meaning to catch up on.

*Speaking of, have you ever watched RuPaul’s Drag Race? Because it is A+++ “just give me some god damned entertainment I don’t have to think too much about” watching, and some earlier seasons are available for free on the Logo website. You’ll have so many “Oh, that’s where that gif is from” moments.

*Sleep in.

*Go on. Take a nap.

*”I really shouldn’t go to sleep yet, it’s like 8:30.” “DO. IT.”

*Do a face mask. Look out your window and terrify small children. At the end, you’ll have smooth, moisturized skin. Bonus!

*Rewatch that video of a guy who dressed up as his dog’s favorite toy several dozen times.

*Watch a stupid-ass rom/com and/or a stupid-ass action movie and feel good about yourself.

*Paint your nails.

*Pet a dog.

*Give yourself permission to not do any work whatsoever for two full days.

*Go to the gym! If exercise makes you feel better. If not: junk food.

*Gaze upon adorable gifs of puppies.