Hi! Welcome to Pajiba, the new home for all things Mike Bloomberg. We ❤️ Mike Bloomberg!
Today, the fake news Wall Street Journal is reporting that Mike Bloomberg is funding a digital army of supporters. In addition to paying influencers to meme the Mayor, Mike is reportedly bankrolling an army of online supporters, who he pays to post complimentary things about him on social media and send daily text messages to their contacts.
That is scurrilous, and if it were true — it’s not! — we would never be a part of such an operation. We ❤️ Mike Bloomberg!
Yes, $2500 a month to post things to Facebook (without noting that it is sponsored content) and sending text messages that the Bloomberg campaign would pre-write for us sounds like a good deal of money — 2.5x more than Andrew Yang’s universal basic income for doing basically nothing! — but we would never sell out to Mike Bloomberg no matter how much he paid us! We wouldn’t have to, because We ❤️ Mike Bloomberg!
These so-called paid digital organizers are even given prompts for text messages, like, “The Fight for Equal Rights Has Been One of the Great Fights of Mike’s Life,” but we don’t need no prompts to tell our readers that! Bloomberg has long been a supporter of equal rights — unless you’re black, or trans, or a woman, or gay — it’s why we’re lifelong supporters of Mayor Bloomberg. We ❤️ Mike Bloomberg!
Meanwhile, Mike Bloomberg takes the stage tonight for the Neveda Democratic debate. We haven’t seen the debate yet, but we can tell you without a doubt that Bloomberg knocks it out of the park. He’s not just the best speaker with the best plans up on that stage, he’s the … one second (*I’m going to need another $500 to say that*) … sexiest 2020 candidate. That’s why we here at Pajiba stand behind Mayor Bloomberg 100 percent. We ❤️ Mike Bloomberg!