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It's Going To Be One of Those Days

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | February 27, 2019 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | February 27, 2019 |


We haven’t had one of those 5 MASSIVES STORIES GOING ON AT ONCE days in a while, but it looks like today could shape up to be a humdinger. The day will begin with Michael Cohen testifying in front of Congress. I gotta say, nothing in his very long opening statement comes as any surprise to anyone who has, like, lived in America for the past two years. He says that Trump knew about and directed negotiations for the Trump Tower Moscow building (duh), that Trump is a racist (no shit), a conman (yeah, we know) and that he knew about Roger Stone’s conversations with Julian Assange regarding Wikileaks’ release of Hillary Clinton’s emails (obviously).

The only new revelation here, which is also not surprising, is that Trump directed Michael Cohen to send threatening letters to his high school, college, and College Board not to release his grades, which makes sense considering that Trump was likely a shitty student. He also told Cohen that he made up bone spurs to get out of the draft. “You think I’m stupid, I wasn’t going to Vietnam.” Moreover, this check alone is more evidence of campaign-finance violations.

Maybe this will all carry more import when it’s spoken out loud in front of Congress in front of millions of viewers, but I doubt it. Conservatives will call him a liar (because he is, although not about this) and use Cohen’s past history lying for Trump to discredit him. Democrats have heard it all before. I’m sure there will be a lot of drama, but that nothing will change come tomorrow. However, the day that Trump leaves office, he’s going to have like three different law enforcement agencies vying to see which one can arrest him first. That’s going to be fun.

Meanwhile, the backdrop to all of this is that Trump is in Vietnam to meet with Kim Jong-un again, in an effort to get North Korea to denuclearize. Trump’s bold strategy seems to be, “Kiss the murderous dictator’s ass.”

Elsewhere, the House voted yesterday to block Trump’s emergency declaration to build the wall. It goes to the Senate next, and there it is a close call. Three Republicans have already flipped, so Democrats only need one more, assuming no Democrats defect (we’re looking at you, Joe Manchin). Not that it matters, even if it does pass, because Trump can veto a bill designed to curb his own powers. Still, theoretically, it looks bad politically for Trump.

Mark Harris, the North Carolina Republican whose campaign worker meddled with an election last November, resulting in the state calling for a new election, will not run in that race, which was decided by only a few hundred votes. Instead, he’s endorsing this guy.

I hope he finally gets them Duke boys.

Finally, Matt Gaetz — that jackass Congressman who threatened Michael Cohen yesterday on Twitter — finally seemed to realize that what he did could actually get him in trouble for witness tampering. He deleted the tweet and apologized after Nancy Pelosi called his ass out.

You all enjoy watching Michael Cohen today, while thinking about Donald Trump squirming.