Yesterday, a select group of Boston Red Sox players visited the White House because that’s apparently what you do when you win the World Series. And I say a “select group” because a large number of players chose not to attend, including manager Alex Cora. Funny thing, though: The players who didn’t attend were all people of color. Meanwhile, every white Red Sox player visited the White House and not one goddamn one of them stood in solidarity with the people of color, not that this is a political thing, the Red Sox will insist.
Whatever. The White House couldn’t even get the spelling of the Red Sox correct.
So it goes. And no offense to our Boston friends, but none of this is a surprise (nor is it a surprise to any of our Boston friends). What might be a surprise, however, is Trump’s belief that … Abraham Lincoln lost the Civil War?
So the Red Sox's Tom Werner spoke to reporters briefly and said this happened:— Elaina Plott (@elainaplott) May 9, 2019
Trump "is a pretty good raconteur of history and he did say that, uh—he was talking about Abraham Lincoln losing the war and said ‘Well, I know you guys have lost a game or two, but this was a war.’”
That probably explains why Trump is always praising Robert E. Lee, a “great general, one of the greatest generals.” Dumbass probably thinks that General Lee won the war, which would explain why he is also always saying that the Republicans are responsible for ending slavery (and it is true that Lincoln was a Republican, but Trump probably believes that Robert E. Lee was responsible for winning the war and ending slavery).
So, that happened, and I can connect the next story about Trump through sportsball, if you can call golf that. This is the story about the time that Donald Trump was playing golf with Ted Virtue (a financier of Green Book) and how Trump stole the ball of Virtue’s son and gaslit Virtue’s son into believing that it was Trump’s ball. This is something else. From Vox:
Virtue — who wouldn’t speak to me directly, but the story was reported by Golf.com and I confirmed it through two other members of the club — was playing with his kid, who I think is 10 or 11 years old. He [Trump] sees Ted on the 12th hole and decides to drive his cart over there. He tells Ted: Congrats on winning the club championship, but you didn’t really win it because I was out of town.
Ted tries to laugh it off, but Trump is dead serious. Trump says, “We’re going to play these last six holes for the championship.” And Ted’s like, “I’m playing with my son, but thanks anyway.” But Trump says, “No, your son can play too.” So they end up playing.
They get to a hole with a big pond on it. Both Ted and his son hit the ball on the green, and Trump hits his in the water. By the time they get to the hole, Trump is lining up the kid’s ball. Only now it’s his ball and the caddie has switched it. The kid’s like, “Daddy, that’s my ball.”
But Trump’s caddie goes, “No, this is the president’s ball; your ball went in the water.” Ted and his son look at each other confused, not sure if this is really happening. And Trump’s caddie says, “This is the president’s ball. I don’t know what to tell you.”
Trump makes that putt, wins one up, and declares himself the club champion.
The President of the Goddamn United States, folks.