Why Are Podcast Ads So Bad?

I listen to a lot of podcasts. Pre-having children, I used to listen to a lot more. I’ll listen while going for walks, puttering around my house, or playing open-world video games (it’s like my character also likes How Did This Get Made?). If I’m going out into the world: podcast. When I make my way from the couch to my bed in the middle of the night after having fallen asleep watching a movie: podcast. The alternative is being left alone with my thoughts and that’s a big no thank you (unless I’m writing or playing with my kids).

There used to be a DC Comics podcast of recorded Comic-Con panels that, I think, was the first podcast I listened to regularly (until it just friggin disappeared). That led to shows like HDTGM and WTF with Marc Maron. I definitely like the former more, but the latter became the first podcast I ever paid for. I dropped five dollars a year(!!) for the WTF app. It was eventually absorbed by Howl, which kept the same price. Then, Howl was purchased by Stitcher, and I got that price for about a year or two until I was paying for it monthly. However, I didn’t mind paying the four or five bucks a month because it got rid of ads.

No ads made the price worth it, though I didn’t know how much until it shut down (more on that in a second). I would listen to everything uninterrupted. Hosts would occasionally say “We’ll be back after this” and then come right back. It was great. Then something strange happened. Conan O’Brien began doing a podcast that was available on Stitcher but I still had to hear the ads. I don’t know if it was part of his deal with the network or what, but I would listen to Conan shill for products like Magoosh and Casper Mattress and I… didn’t mind.

It’s like getting a whole extra bit inside of an episode. Not only is O’Brien putting his whole Conussy into every ad read, but sometimes he’s making asides or riffing in a way that feels disdainful toward the very product he’s hawking. He will not shy away from clowning on the ridiculousness of products from their names to their functions. The comedian excels at it so much that you’re able to watch an ad he did for a bidet on his YouTube channel (and you should because it’s hilarious).

Stitcher Premium went the way of the Dodo and listening to so much Conan actually made me excited to hear ads on some of my other favorite podcasts. Most of them are comedic so surely the hosts are capable of selling their wares with the same hilarious vim and vigor of Conan O’Brien. That is, unfortunately, not the case at all. If there are people out there who do ad reads the same way Conan does, point them out to me, because I find myself afloat in a sea of charmless ads that feel stilted and forced.

All ads are forced in some way. Also, it’s fair to say that many of these ad reads are likely exactly what the advertisers want. They would rather someone cleanly describe the product and its function than add any kind of personality. It feels more akin to a professional broadcaster reading the copy. However, I listen to an ESPN baseball podcast that is put on by broadcasters and those ads are boring and oddly charmless as well. Then there are the ads that aren’t read by the hosts, which are even worse (no knock on voice-over actors).

The worst part is that Conan may not even do ads for much longer. You can now pay to listen to his show ad-free (and a week ahead of release). I laughed when I first saw that notice. If anything, I would happily pay to hear Conan read more ads. However, since the announcement, Conan has read fewer ads on his show. He is being replaced with swagless VO about McDonald’s and Casper Mattress. It’s a bummer.

This isn’t a podcast-specific problem, but it does feel worse in that realm. Yes, many people doing podcasts are not trained to read ads, but the ones who are become stale as well. Also, I’m aware that I can skip past the ads but, dammit, sometimes I’m washing dishes and can’t grab my phone with my wet hands! Also, god forbid I skip forward too far and miss something. Then I’m playing the weird “forward thirty seconds, back fifteen seconds” game. Why can’t everyone just do it like Conan? Why are podcast ads so bad?