Greg Gutfeld Brought His Signature Smarm to ‘The Tonight Show'

We’ve all been to a party that a friend is throwing. Depending on the friend, you may end up watching them work the room the entire night. They try to be good hosts and ensure everyone’s drink is full and that they’ve had some of the snacks. Host duties may also include migrating between conversation circles and even starting new ones. Your friend makes their way through the party, and you end up chatting with them and someone you haven’t met before. Then, your friend leaves to continue being a host, and you’re stuck being talked at by someone who is ripped to the teats on cocaine.

It’s just so friggin noticeable. They’re so hyper and talking circles around you without giving you a chance to breathe. They start telling stories that they claim you were involved in, but you clearly don’t remember. Every time they drop a punchline, they get super serious like they didn’t make a joke, then act like it’s the funniest thing to ever be uttered by human lips. Meanwhile, they’re constantly scoping out the room anytime you try to talk, not listening to a word you’re saying. You finally get away, and the next day you text your friend like, “Hoo boy, how much coke did Brett do?” And the host is like, “lol No, they’re always like that.”

Anyway, Greg Gutfeld was on The Tonight Show last night.

I would bet five dollars that Gutfeld refers to Rockefeller Center as enemy territory surrounded by gang members or some such dumb sh** when he’s back in his safe place at FOX News, but ole Greggy boy played his version of nice while sitting next to the biggest pushover in late-night. He kicked things off with a hug, then launched into a nearly three-minute story about being drunk with Fallon at a speakeasy 15 years ago. It’s the kind of rambling nonsense that I’m sure they thought would make them look like old friends, but instead started Gutfeld off at peak obnoxiousness (like saying a bar “turns gay” because the bartender took his shirt off).

Fallon is certainly present here, dropping the occasional high-pitched cackle, sometimes in unison with Gutfeld. Still, there are definitely moments where he’s searching for words or staring into space. There has to be some element of self-awareness in Fallon. He must understand that Gutfeld is only on his show because he thinks he can look cooler and funnier than him. There is zero resistance. He’s dropping terrible jokes followed by a serious stare and cocked eyebrow, only to discard them for the most sh**-eatingest grin in all the land.

Everyone got what they wanted in the end. The video already has as many views on YouTube as Fallon’s monologue, and more than his chat with the Jonas Brothers, which took place on the same show. Gutfeld got to pretend he can handle being on an enemy late-night show. Fallon may have gotten a cable bump if the people who usually watch him weren’t too scared to flip over to the dreaded NBC. And we, as a society, get to keep seeing the normalization of assholes.

Okay, so maybe not everybody got what they wanted.