Don't Blame Sydney Sweeney For 'Madame Web': 'I Was Just Hired As An Actress'

By Emily Richardson | News | March 14, 2024 |

By Emily Richardson | News | March 14, 2024 |

Lately, everybody’s talking about Sydney Sweeney: her boobs (Slate doesn’t think they’re that big), her Oscar dress (it was the one Angelina Jolie wore in 2004), and her first time hosting SNL (Dustin thought she was great in the sketches).

And 26-year-old Sydney shows no signs of slowing down. Right now, the actress is out there promoting her third big movie since December: Immaculate, a horror flick about nuns. Big movie #1, Anyone But You, was a box office hit. Big movie #2, Madame Web, was a complete and utter flop. But don’t blame Sydney! In a new interview with the LA Times, she defends her involvement with the film:

“I was just hired as an actress in it, so I was just along for the ride for whatever was going to happen.”

“I was just hired as an actress” is the new “I was just following orders.” But Sydney ain’t wrong. Like Dakota Johnson, who recently said she’d probably “never do anything like it again,” she didn’t write the Madame Web script. She didn’t come up with the characters. She didn’t approve all the product placement.

The only thing Sydney was responsible for was her performance and the fact that she signed on to do the film in the first place. But what kind of up-and-coming actress wouldn’t wanna do a movie about Marvel superheros? It’s a big paycheck and there’s a good chance it could make you an A-lister and kick off a very lucrative franchise. In the case of Madame Web, it clearly didn’t. Them’s the breaks.

So, yeah. I’m Team Sydney. It’s like when I worked for a coffeeshop and we switched muffin suppliers. Every single day, I was subjected to customer abuse about how shitty the new muffins were. “What happened to the old muffins? Why did you switch? These new ones are rock hard!” Guess what, bitch? I’m a lowly barista. I don’t make the menu or decide which bakeries we order from. You got a problem? Take it up with my boss’ boss’ boss, a multi-millionaire who inherited her fortune from her father, doesn’t make eye contact with us when she visits the shop once a year, and switched muffin suppliers because the new guys were slightly cheaper. Do I see any of those savings? No. I make minimum wage. Now, do you want a rock-muffin or not?