Six Winter-Themed Movies to Watch On Netflix Instant Because Summer F*cking Sucks
Can summer not just end already? Seriously. If the steady, unceasing weeks of sub-par air conditioning and that wonderful garbage smell (love ya, New York) has sapped your energy and your will to live as it has mine, join me on this mental jaunt through some of the best winter-, Christmas-, or otherwise cold-themed movies to be found on Netflix Instant. I’m sure we’ll all be craving summer movies come January.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Starting with the best, obviously. The Mystery Science Theater 3000
take on this classic Christmas tale isn’t on Netflix Instant, so you’re going to have to settle for the unriffed version. There are still abundant chuckles to be had. Just be sure you head over to YouTube and watch “Patrick Swayze Christmas”
Power Rangers Samurai: Christmas Together, Friends Forever
Ashamed though I am to admit it, I’ve never actually seen this. I know, I know. What a gap in my cinematic experience. But how can it be anything other than completely, mindblowingly excellent? Plus play and rub ice cubes all over your face while your eyeballs leak lukewarm tears and your winter parka sticks to your skin and slowly suffocates you to death.
The Muppet Christmas Carol
Come take me away to a world where my hair doesn’t stick uncomfortably to the back of my neck 24/7, Kermit! Please! I’ll even rewatch Muppets from Space
in payment if you want me to!
On the opposite side of the feel-good spectrum, there’s Fargo
! Which, sure, has more horror and death and general badness than it does fluffy, positive things like kindness and goodwill toward all men. It does not, however, have blistering, unceasing heat. I’m from the South. I should be able to handle this. Why can’t I handle this?!
Let the Right One In
Being killed by a prepubescent Scandinavian vampire doesn’t seem all that bad when at least you get to play in some damn snow before you go. We have over a month to go of walking through pea soup. I would make that trade.
The Nightmare Before Christmas
What’s this? What’s this?! It’s me, drowning in a pool of my own sweat. Walking around outside for more than 10 minutes makes me want to pull off my skin and live Jack Skellington stye, just to escape from the infernal damp.
You can find Rebecca on The Mary Sue, WinterIsComing.net, GammaSquad, and huddling in front of her AC window unit.