Alright boys and girls, horndogs and lustbunnies, we heard your cries of dismay on Friday when confronted with the Garfield/Bieber Dissection. We apologize, that was dirty pool. You know what they say, little ones, sometimes scientific progress goes boink. To ensure this never happens again, we would like to poll you, Junior Scientists, to see which specimens you feel should be subject to further scientific analysis. It’s a rough task and heavy is the head that wears the goggles, but we will soldier on for you, dear readers, and for Science.
Please, submit your scientific proposals for our review using the following examples as a guide:
(For the Lovers of Lads)
Title: Lantern Jaws, A Comparative Study
Specimens: Jon Hamm v. Nathan Fillion
Title: Foreign Policy: A Study Abroad
Specimens: Djimon Honsou v. Javier Bardem
(For the Lovers of Ladies)
Title: Habanero vs. Peperoncini, A Study in Spice
Specimens: Penelope Cruz v. Monica Bellucci
Title: A Study in Scarlet
Specimens: Amy Adams v. Karen Gillan
Submissions should be single-spaced, typed in an inoffensive font and do not have to include the word “study” just because the Scientific Community was uncreative with our examples. Special consideration will be given for clever word play (the Scientific Community is particularly partial to puns). But remember, this isn’t for us, this is for Science. Oh, and for George Clooney. Cloons brought his own lens.
Joanna Robinson wants to remind you that this is not a democracy, it’s a cheerocracy, so she’ll probably just end up doing whatever she wants anyway. This is also, sometimes, an idiocracy, but that’s another discussion for another time.