Old School. Biblically Independent.
By Kayleigh Donaldson | Miscellaneous | November 20, 2025
Hey there. Do you have too much money on your hands? Are you, in these times of recession, just ravaged with uncertainty over how to spend your riches in the least helpful way possible? Are you too lazy to go into space for 11 minutes or not tyrannically inclined to take over a media empire and run it into the ground? Then hoo boy, do I have good news for you.
Maurizio Cattelan, the conceptual artist who got some crypto loser to pay $6.2 million for a banana duct-taped to a wall, is back to his trolling peak. He made a solid gold toilet and had it installed in a public bathroom at the Guggenheim in 2016. It was then transferred to Blenheim Palace in Oxfordshire, where some plumbing-savvy thieves managed to steal it. It has never been found, but Maurizio knows what the people want and mercifully had a second golden toilet on call. Yes, there are, theoretically, two solid 18-carat gold functioning toilets out there in the world. And neither is in Trump’s renovated White House, surprisingly. You know he wants this thing so bad.
Sadly for him, someone beat him to the punch and purchased this second toilet at auction for $12.1 million. The bidder? Ripley’s Believe It or Not! They revealed their newest toy on Instagram, declaring that they were ‘flush with excitement’ and had plans to ‘display the sculpture in all its glory, giving guests the chance to get up close to the world’s most extravagant restroom fixture.’ But before you buy your tickets and bring your two-ply, Ripley’s also let us know that they’re not quite ready to make use of the throne open to the public. ‘The team is exploring possibilities. But such an opportunity requires serious planning and someone brave enough to ensure everything keeps flowing in the right direction.’
This is hilarious to me. Sorry, I know this is the kind of thing that pisses off a lot of people, understandably so. It’s so grotesque in its display of wasted resources, such a slap in the face to anyone who isn’t obscenely rich, but that’s also kind of the point, right? It’s also a joke at the people who unironically would spend that kind of money on a golden toilet. The art market is a speculation-driven hellscape that is a Ponzi scheme in all but name. It’s a way for rich people to make themselves richer, and occasionally, a great artist gets a solid payday out of it. Cattelan knows this and has made his name from the kind of modern art trolling that reminds his patrons that they’re 100% not in on his joke. Oh, you bought the banana because you’re a crypto bro who thinks he can spin this into an NFT? You’re a loser, thanks for the money.
This is also just less offensive to me than Ripley’s buying Marilyn Monroe’s dress and letting Kim Kardashian’s arse shred a major piece of pop culture history. I imagine they’re hoping Kim will bless them with her presence on this new purchase. Insert Ozempic poops joke here. Frankly, I’m more interested to see how long it takes before someone tries to steal this one. Gold toilets can be melted down pretty quickly, so I’ve heard.
