Pi vs. Pie, A Filmic Equation. Dear Math, You're Already Losing.
In 1989 San Francisco physicist, Larry Shaw, invented Pi Day. Every March 14th (3.14), thereafter the holiday has gained popularity until, in 2009, the U.S. House of Representatives passed a non-binding resolution officially recognizing National Pi Day (because, apparently, they had nothing better to do with their time). But ever since its inception (yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaahhmmmmmmm) in 1989, the concept of Pi Day has been closely associated with the consumption of pies. According to that sterling source of information, Wikipedia, Larry Shaw and his physicist friends marched around in a circle and then ate fruit pies. In fact, I think it’s pretty clear that Larry Shaw just invented this day in order to have an excuse to eat pie. Everyone loves puns. Especially puns with a flaky crust.
This begs the question, which homophone is more deserving of celebration? Pi/Math, the building block of the universe? Or pie, which is crazy delicious? Let’s break it down.
For introducing me to the sassy crater face that is Edward James Olmos, Math earns 15 points. [Score: Math=15 Pie=0]
For being such a handy thing to throw, and for covering a scantily clad Natalie Wood in cream, Pie earns 30 points. [Score: Math=15 Pie=30]
For aiding and abetting A Beautiful Mind’s Best Picture win, Math loses ten points. [Score: Math=5 Pie=30]
For allowing Jason to put his “Biggs” inside of it, Pie loses fifteen points. [Score: Math=5 Pie=15]
For any association with Jurassic Park and Jeff Goldblum, Math earns 40 points. [Score: Math=45 Pie=15]
For shining a much-needed light on the OSHA violations (those animals are all up in her dough) perpetrated by Disney’s most annoying princess, Pie earns 20 points. [Score: Math=45 Pie=35]
For allowing a nation to think it’s cute or cool to do “hilarious” impressions of autistic people, Math loses ten points. [Score: Math=35 Pie=35]
For giving us Nathan Fillion as a romantic lead, Pie earns 25 points. [Score: Math=35 Pie=60]
For launching the careers of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, Math earns 40 points.
[Score: Math=75 Pie=60]
For putting me off my lunch, Pie loses 30 points. [Score: Math=75 Pie=30]
For launching the career of Lindsay Lohan, Math loses 20 points. For boosting the writing career of one Ms. Tina Fey, Math gains 20 points. Wash. [Score: Math=75 Pie=30]
For making me listen to Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter sing, Pie loses 20 points. For supplying Stephen Sondheim with inspiration for so many splendid puns, Pie earns 20 points. Wash. [Score: Math=75 Pie=30]
For the ending of Pi, Math loses all its points and even takes Pie’s points down with it. Seriously disturbing. So bad. I’ll never recover. [Score: Math=0 Pie=0]
So it’s a tie? It’s a tie. Math and Pie are equally deserving of our affection, so I’ll leave you with this love scene between a baker and a numbers guy. Happy Pi Day, y’all.
Joanna Robinson is going to make a pizza pie tonight and watch Waitress. She might do her taxes too. But probably not.