Jerry Seinfeld was on “The Tonight Show” earlier this week, and while I’m not a particularly big fan of his (I’m that guy who never liked “Seinfeld” so feel free to get your peltin’ tomatoes ready), this clip is like a window into my goddamn soul. Even though Fallon is WAY overselling the moment with his overdone laughter, it’s pretty genius. Jump to the 3:50 mark for the best part.
You see, Mrs. TK and I are the parents of a 22 month old, who we of course adore, but for the love of Jesus, bedtime has become a Homerian epic. Mainly because my son will do anything — anything — to postpone the final moment where I leave his room. It’s bathtime and toothbrushing and then reading thirty-five stories no stop at this page now start this one in the middle then no not this one this one no night night choo choo no read pat the bunny no NO PAT THE BUNNY read baby animals story no read this one no this one wait read Snowy Day no Night Night Moon. Then when we’re finally winding down, it’s his game of “how much crap can we get into my crib as a stalling tactic” so it’s water? water dada water? choo choo TWO CHOO CHOOS hold story hold Night Night Moon hold Superman story bear bear bear big bear? baby bear? ELEPHANT WANT ELEPHANT? Moo cow moooooo cow!
It’s an exhausting process that’s always hilarious to whichever of us is NOT putting him to bed. And Seinfeld’s pretty much right, too. I’m pretty sure my parents just read one or two stories and walked out without another word.
This is up there with when, on Saturday after yet ANOTHER snowstorm, I looked at my son and told him that the day would come when I’d get to make him go out there in 15 degree temperatures and shovel. And when he complains about how it’s too cold and it’s taking too long, I’ll just tell him what my daddy told me: “shovel faster.”
This has been another episode of Pajiba Parenting — Our Lives Are Insane Now.
(via The Huffington Post by way of Mrs. TK)