Imagining a Zoe Quinn Movie to Make GamerGate's Head Explode
Zoe Quinn, the video game developer who inspired turdperson Adam Baldwin to coin the term “Gamergate” last year, dropped some big news on Friday.
Two announcements in one: 1 - I'm publishing a book with Touchstone, a Simon and Schuster imprint 2 - That book is being made into a movie— Sugar Ray Jepsen (@TheQuinnspiracy) November 6, 2015
Yes, Quinn, who was accused of sleeping with game reviewers in exchange for good press— because apparently whether or not that’s true, it’s more important than women’s lives and wellbeing— not only took the last year and a half of harassment and threats and turned it into a lucrative book deal, but also simultaneously turned that book deal into a movie. Because, as Quinn herself says,
when life hands you gaters, make Gatorade— Sugar Ray Jepsen (@TheQuinnspiracy) November 7, 2015
Crash Override: How To Save The Internet From Itself will be “a very inside look at gaming and nerd culture and what happens when one gets caught in the gears of that machine.” The rights to the film adaptation (which has a proposed title of Control Alt Delete) were won by Amy Pascal after a multi-studio bidding war. And while a big studio version of their self-proclaimed nemesis’ memoir is definitely more than enough to get the trolls of Gamergate all tizzied, it gets even better. Because what would be the biggest slap in the face for a story about a person these misogynistic trolls despise? How about casting the most gorgeous woman in the world as your lead?
Yup, Scarlett Johansson is reportedly in talks to play Quinn in the movie. It’s almost too good to be true. Think of all the confused hate boners that will fill the halls of 8chan! Just spitballing off of that announcement, if we’re looking to fill our wells with Gamergate tears, what are some other casting choices we can hope for? Here are just a few suggestions.
Anna Kendrick as Anita Sarkeesian
Everyone’s favorite gorgeous spunky Cool Girl extraordinaire NEEDS to play Gamergate’s second least favorite woman in video games.
Billy Baldwin as Adam Baldwin
Please can we have one Baldwin playing an unrelated Baldwin, and can that first Baldwin be the least impressive member of his family?
Second choice: Gary Busey
Lena Dunham as Literally Anyone
Brianna Wu? A generic best friend/coworker? I know Dunham isn’t the favorite person of most of you, but the same people who think “ethics in games journalism” is the most important thing in life are the same people who get mad at Dunham’s very existence, so let’s definitely put her in there.
Wil Wheaton as Wil Wheaton
Wheaton is near the top of the internet’s list of most hated Social Justice Warriors (aka People Who Don’t Think Bigotry Is Fun Times). Let’s throw him in as himself or, again, basically anyone.
Who else would you like to see in this movie? Zoe Quinn approves, so let’s keep this game going.
watching games twitter play the "who would play so-and-so" games that I've been quietly mentally playing for months is fun— Sugar Ray Jepsen (@TheQuinnspiracy) November 6, 2015