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the apple feat.png

Have You Seen the Weirdest Sex Scene in Cinema History?

By Rebecca Pahle | Miscellaneous | September 22, 2015 |

By Rebecca Pahle | Miscellaneous | September 22, 2015 |

When I’m not speculating about the sex lives of fictional characters (next up: A Qualitative Analysis of the Sexual Mores of the Power Rangers) or Photoshopping The Rock into things, I occasionally like to throw cool shit your way. (Have you seen death metal “Over the Rainbow”? That is fun.)

Today’s cool shit comes courtesy of 1980 cult classic The Apple, a rock musical starring Catherine Mary Stewart and George Gilmour as a pair of starry-eyed singers who get drawn into the world of the evil music agent Boogaloo (Vladek Sheybal), whose plan to take over the world involves a mandated daily jazzercize number. At the end, [Spoiler] God drives down to Earth in a car and takes all the hippies up to heaven. It’s fucking weird.

But before we get there: Weird fucking! Namely, a musical number. Called “Coming.” We have interpretive dancing. Leather daddy extras. And the lyrics “I’ll take you deeper and deeper and tighter and tighter and drain every drop of your love,” lest you were expecting any subtlety.

I’d say “prepare yourself,” but that’s really not possible here:

Less “weird” and more “ugh” is that this is clearly a musical number set to an attempted date rape, though it’s made fairly clear within the context of the movie that the people from whom brains this batshit insanity sprung didn’t see it that way. (Specifically—after she’s unable to win over even an incapacitated Alfie with the power of her rockin’ bod, Pandy has a Come to Jesus moment, realizes that True Love still exists in the world, and changes sides.)

If anyone wants another bite of The Apple, this time with a dude in a sparkly gold thong:

The dances were choreographed by Nigel Lythgoe of So You Think You Can Dance, by the way. I wonder what “speed” is a metaphor for?

The Apple: See it. It is genuinely amazing.

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