F*ck Shaking Your Tush On The Catwalk
When I was a child I did a little bit of clothes modeling. I took classes from Miss (Canadian City) 1980 on how to walk and appropriately display the garment to highlight both it and my chiseled, slightly doughy physique. I was the only boy in a group that was otherwise comprised of girls and got all kinds of ten-year-old ass. I had game that would make a Jason Harris go into retirement. I had The Pretty. I ended up doing a few shows but nothing spectacular. Certainly nothing that approached a Derek Zoolander or Hansel level of worship but I did all right and got a mad discount on clothing. Which is exactly how a ten-year-old wants to get paid; school clothes.
Much like everything else I’ve ever done, I quickly grew tired of the grind and being paraded around like a piece of meat for all the middle aged mothers to coo over. I swore that if one more muffin-top pinched my cheek, I was going to slice and butter a bitch and I quit. That’s not to say that I don’t sometimes wonder where it could have taken me. Surely I could not aspire to the heights that the model in the video below attained.
Almost Naked Cadaver on a Board Being Pawed by Creepy Middle-aged FBI Agent: What I wouldn’t give to be able to put that on my resume. It’s also good to know that the FBI avoids distractions when teaching. These guys have to focus.