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Academy Members Didn't Actually Watch 12 Years a Slave, Probably Used a Drunken Darts Method Instead

By Vivian Kane | Miscellaneous | March 7, 2014 |

By Vivian Kane | Miscellaneous | March 7, 2014 |

How long can I drag out Oscar coverage before you guys throw things at me? One more day? Awesome. Because the Academy has really outdone themselves in their Are You F*cking Kidding Me News division.

This beauty came out a few weeks ago. It’s an Academy member’s super-honest ballot, and it’s a great look at why members vote for the movies they do. Plus, it reads like your crotchety grandpa complaining about the neighborhood kids causing a ruckus.

Not to be outdone by your ranting grandfather, two Academy members have fessed up that despite voting for 12 Years a Slave for Best Picture, THEY NEVER ACTUALLY WATCHED THE MOVIE.

Look, I know the Oscars are meaningless. It’s more politics than any measure of actual merit (usually). “Best Picture” should actually be called “The Picture That Made a Bunch of Money and also Had a Studio Campaigning Like It Was Running For Student Council Treasurer.” Actors and the rest are forever getting Judi Denched, winning for Shakespeare in Love when what they’re really winning for is a lifetime of being Judi Dench. Hell, usually what most of us consider the “best” movies in a given year aren’t even nominated. (I’m looking at you, Moonrise Kingdom.) But I feel like this is a new level of bullshittery. The Academy members said they didn’t watch the film because it would be “upsetting.” Yeah, no doy. It’s a super upsetting movie. But it’s your damn job.

During her opening monologue at the Oscars, Ellen made the joke “Possibility number one, 12 Years a Slave could win. Possibility number two, you’re all racists.” Considering 94% of the Academy is white (and 77% male, with a median age of 62, I’ll add), it’s very likely that there would have been a major backlash if the movie hadn’t gotten the award.

12 Years a Slave is an incredible movie, and I personally thought it deserved to win, but it’s really shitty that the movie was reduced to it’s basic appearances and assumed importance. Ellen, unfortunately, seems to have hit the nail right on its old white head.

Via LAist.

Vivian Kane still really enjoys watching the Oscars, but she honestly couldn’t tell you why.

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