Casper-white Broadway stars challenging diminutive comedians to an aggressively memorized slam poetry showdown on late night television is usually guaranteed to end with viewers cringing in their living rooms. Last night’s scripted rap battle between Kevin Hart and James Cordon is certainly no B. Rabbit vs. Free World (hip-hop truther talk: Lotto got Em in the second round), but it didn’t leave viewers questioning why anyone would let this happen on national TV, either.
Hart, who visited The Late Late Show to promote his upcoming film Central Intelligence, came equipped with some obvious if well-delivered burns about Cordon’s weight and fleeting success. Cordon, meanwhile, focuses on Hart’s pint-sized stature and his propensity for starring in bad movies. He also calls Hart “the black Yosemite Sam,” which may be the most perfect description of an actor ever.
Carpool karaoke, how long that’ll last?
How do you rap with your head up Lin-Manuel’s ass?
Congrats on the new Ghostbusters; Imma fan
Excited to see you return as the marshmallow man
Like that Chris Rock line, you think you’re sweet?
I fill football stadiums, you barely fit in the seat
Get Hard, Ride Along, Ride Along 2 Hey you’re great at being in movies with people more famous than youSpend five minutes watching the whole thing. It’ll remind you why Cordon has a job and Hart is a multi-millionaire starring in movies with The Rock.
Kevin Hart thinks he got in a zinger
but now you’re gonna flop harder than The Wedding Ringer
You all remember that? His movie with Josh Gad?
It’s filed on Netflix under “Unwatchably bad”