Nobody Liked the Golden Globes

By Dustin Rowles | Film | January 8, 2024 |

By Dustin Rowles | Film | January 8, 2024 |

Last night, during halftime of the Bill-Dolphins game, I checked my Feedly (that’s an RSS reader; remember those?) and noticed that there were maybe 50 or 60 new articles, which is unusual for a Sunday night. Almost all of them were about the Golden Globes, an awards telecast that I thought we’d mostly given up on. I remembered, however, that the Globes had been taken over by Penske Media, which owns Deadline, The Hollywood Reporter, Variety, TVLine, Indiewire, and Rolling Stone, among others (and has a stake in Vox/Vulture).

As those publications are a significant presence on my Feedly, it started to make sense again. Penske Media bought the Golden Globes and used its publications to feature wall-to-wall coverage of a ceremony that I can almost guarantee will receive anemic ratings against that Bills/Dolphins tilt. Variety, Deadline, and The Hollywood Reporter must each feature 15 posts on the GG’s this morning, while outlets not owned by Penske Media are more reasonable in their coverage: Slate has two pieces, while the AV Club has four (are any written by AI? Who’s to say!)

Still, even Penske Media publications couldn’t put a positive spin on the ceremony itself, save for Deadline, which called reviews “mixed,” which is inaccurate. The show stank. Joy Koy’s monologue bombed, and the rest of the show was boring. I’ve watched the monologue, and it is as painful as the reviews suggest — as is Taylor Swift’s icy reaction to a lousy joke directed at her. He also made a joke about “Barbie’s boobies” before acknowledging that his monologue was bombing and desperately attempting to win back the audience. I’m surprised no one slipped and fell on the flop sweat he left on the stage.

All the celebrities turned out, presumably to help revive the Golden Globes (or to ensure favorable coverage from the trades), and this is what they were rewarded with? Yikes. Plus they gave Ricky Gervais the Globe for best stand-up special. Gervais wasn’t on hand to receive the award, so presenter Jim Gaffigan accepted on his behalf. Every social media user on the Internet joked that Gaffigan should have received the awards over Gervais.

Even many of the reviews of how boring the Globes were are boring themselves, and the Best and Worst lists are comprised mostly of Worsts, save for the historic wins (Lily Gladstone, Steven Yeun, Ali Wong).

The good thing about the old Globes, at least, is that everyone was trashed. This year’s Globes sounds like the New Year’s Eve special where Bravo’s Andy and Anderson Cooper weren’t allowed to drink. What’s the point? No one actually cares about the awards themselves, so the spectacle is all that matters, and there was no spectacle to be had.

Here, nevertheless, were the winners. Congrats to Barbie for winning the award for making the most money.

Best Motion Picture - Drama
Anatomy of a Fall (Neon)
Killers of the Flower Moon (Apple Original Films)
Maestro (Netflix)
Oppenheimer (Universal Pictures)
Past Lives (A24)
The Zone of Interest (A24)

Best Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
Air (Amazon MGM Studios)
American Fiction (Orion Pictures/Amazon MGM Studios)
Barbie (Warner Bros. Pictures)
The Holdovers (Focus Features)
May December (Netflix)
Poor Things (Searchlight Pictures)

Best Motion Picture - Animated
The Boy and the Heron (GKids)
Elemental (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (Sony Pictures Releasing)
The Super Mario Bros. Movie (Universal Pictures)
Suzume (Crunchyroll / Sony Pictures Entertainment)
Wish (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)

Cinematic and Box Office Achievement
Barbie (Warner Bros. Pictures)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
John Wick: Chapter 4 (Lionsgate)
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (Paramount Pictures)
Oppenheimer (Universal Pictures)
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (Sony Pictures Releasing)
The Super Mario Bros. Movie (Universal Pictures)
Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour (AMC Theatres Distribution)

Best Motion Picture - Non-English Language
Anatomy of a Fall, France (Neon)
Fallen Leaves, Finland (Mubi)
Io Capitano, Italy (Pathe Distribution)
Past Lives, United States (A24)
Society of the Snow, Spain (Netflix)
The Zone of Interest, United Kingdom/USA (A24)

Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama
Bradley Cooper, Maestro
Leonardo DiCaprio, Killers of the Flower Moon
Colman Domingo, Rustin
Barry Keoghan, Saltburn
Cillian Murphy, Oppenheimer
Andrew Scott, All of Us Strangers

Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama
Annette Bening, Nyad
Lily Gladstone, Killers of the Flower Moon
Sandra Hüller, Anatomy of a Fall
Greta Lee, Past Lives
Carey Mulligan, Maestro
Cailee Spaeny, Priscilla

Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
Fantasia Barrino, The Color Purple
Jennifer Lawrence, No Hard Feelings
Natalie Portman, May December
Alma Pöysti, Fallen Leaves
Margot Robbie, Barbie
Emma Stone, Poor Things

Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
Nicolas Cage, Dream Scenario
Timothée Chalamet, Wonka
Matt Damon, Air
Paul Giamatti, The Holdovers
Joaquin Phoenix, Beau Is Afraid
Jeffrey Wright, American Fiction

Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role in Any Motion Picture
Willem Dafoe, Poor Things
Robert De Niro, Killers of the Flower Moon
Robert Downey Jr., Oppenheimer
Ryan Gosling, Barbie
Charles Melton, May December
Mark Ruffalo, Poor Things

Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role in Any Motion Picture
Emily Blunt, Oppenheimer
Danielle Brooks, The Color Purple
Jodie Foster, Nyad
Julianne Moore, May December
Rosamund Pike, Saltburn
Da’Vine Joy Randolph, The Holdovers

Best Director — Motion Picture
Bradley Cooper, Maestro
Greta Gerwig, Barbie
Yorgos Lanthimos, Poor Things
Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer
Martin Scorsese, Killers of the Flower Moon
Celine Song, Past Lives

Best Screenplay - Motion Picture
Greta Gerwig, Noah Baumbach, Barbie
Tony McNamara, Poor Things
Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer
Eric Roth, Martin Scorsese, Killers of the Flower Moon
Celine Song, Past Lives
Justine Triet, Arthur Harari, Anatomy of a Fall

Best Original Song - Motion Picture
“Addicted to Romance,” She Came to Me, Music and lyrics by Bruce Springsteen
“Dance the Night,” Barbie, Music and lyrics by Mark Ronson, Andrew Wyatt, Dua Lipa, Caroline Ailin
“I’m Just Ken,” Barbie, Music and lyrics by Mark Ronson, Andrew Wyatt
“Peaches,” The Super Mario Bros. Move, Music and lyrics by Jack Black, Aaron Horvath, Michael Jelenic, Eric Osmond, John Spiker
“Road to Freedom,” Rustin, Music and lyrics by Lenny Kravitz
“What Was I Made For?” Barbie, Music and lyrics by Billie Eilish O’Connell, Finneas O’Connell

Best Original Score - Motion Picture
Jerskin Fendrix, Poor Things
Ludwig Göransson, Oppenheimer
Joe Hisaishi, The Boy and the Heron
Mica Levi, The Zone of Interest
Daniel Pemberton, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
Robbie Robertson, Killers of the Flower Moon

Best Television Series - Drama
1923 (Paramount+)
The Crown (Netflix)
The Diplomat (Netflix)
The Last of Us (HBO/Max)
The Morning Show (Apple TV+)
Succession (HBO/Max)

Best Television Series - Musical or Comedy
Abbott Elementary (ABC)
Barry (HBO/Max)
The Bear (FX)
Jury Duty (Amazon Freevee)
Only Murders in the Building (Hulu)
Ted Lasso (Apple TV+)

Best Television Limited Series, Anthology Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
All the Light We Cannot See (Netflix)
Beef (Netflix)
Daisy Jones & the Six (Prime Video)
Fargo (FX)
Fellow Travelers (Showtime)
Lessons in Chemistry (Apple TV+)

Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Series - Drama
Helen Mirren, 1923
Bella Ramsey, The Last of Us
Keri Russell, The Diplomat
Sarah Snook, Succession
Imelda Staunton, The Crown
Emma Stone, The Curse

Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Series - Drama
Brian Cox, Succession
Kieran Culkin, Succession
Gary Oldman, Slow Horses
Pedro Pascal, The Last of Us
Jeremy Strong, Succession
Dominic West, The Crown

Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Series - Musical or Comedy
Rachel Brosnahan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Quinta Brunson, Abbott Elementary
Ayo Edebiri, The Bear
Elle Fanning, The Great
Selena Gomez, Only Murders in the Building
Natasha Lyonne, Poker Face

Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Series - Musical or Comedy
Bill Hader, Barry
Steve Martin, Only Murders in the Building
Jason Segel, Shrinking
Martin Short, Only Murders in the Building
Jason Sudeikis, Ted Lasso
Jeremy Allen White, The Bear

Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Limited Series, Anthology Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television
Riley Keough, Daisy Jones & the Six
Brie Larson, Lessons in Chemistry
Elizabeth Olsen, Love & Death
Juno Temple, Fargo
Rachel Weisz, Dead Ringers
Ali Wong, Beef

Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Limited Series, Anthology Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television
Matt Bomer, Fellow Travelers
Sam Claflin, Daisy Jones & the Six
Jon Hamm, Fargo
Woody Harrelson, White House Plumbers
David Oyelowo, Lawmen: Bass Reeves
Steven Yeun, Beef

Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role on Television
Elizabeth Debicki, The Crown
Abby Elliott, The Bear
Christina Ricci, Yellowjackets
J. Smith-Cameron, Succession
Meryl Streep, Only Murders in the Building
Hannah Waddingham, Ted Lasso

Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role on Television
Billy Crudup, The Morning Show
Matthew Macfadyen, Succession
James Marsden, Jury Duty
Ebon Moss-Bachrach, The Bear
Alan Ruck, Succession
Alexander Skarsgard, Succession

Best Performance in Stand-Up Comedy on Television
Ricky Gervais, Ricky Gervais: Armageddon
Trevor Noah, Trevor Noah: Where Was I
Chris Rock, Chris Rock: Selective Outrage
Amy Schumer, Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact
Sarah Silverman, Sarah Silverman: Someone You Love
Wanda Sykes, Wanda Sykes: I’m an Entertainer