Like most people who spend hours, sometimes even days, thinking about Meghan McCain like she’s a serial killer still on the loose, I was naturally titillated by the news that Hillary Clinton was stopping by The View on Wednesday with her own famous political daughter in tow. I know treating politics like a reality show is how our country ended up in its current toilet bowl, but c’mon. Hillary sitting at the same table as a right-wing powder keg who has been popping off (and walking off) since the new season began? That’s a recipe for pure chaos. If Meghan really is angling to leave The View for more conservative pastures, she couldn’t have a more perfect opportunity than firing her Jell-O shot maw at The Great Liberal Satan.
With that in mind, I wondered why the hell Hillary and Chelsea would stop by The View of all places just to promote a book. There’s no way someone on their team wasn’t like, “Hey, by the way, the gargoyle in shoulder pads might sprout a horn and gouge you with it while screaming Benghazi. Just FYI.” Then again, I know the answer to that question is The View has a frighteningly large audience, possibly even because of said gargoyle, so I guess the point of this paragraph is God is dead.
Imagine my surprise when the Clintons sat down at the table and everyone had a lovely time. Including Meghan! It was informative, entertaining, nobody fought, and now I don’t know what’s real anymore. There were literally two tiny hints of maybe drama, and I’m gonna be frank, I’m reaching like goddamn Mr. Fantastic here.
1. While Sunny Hostin was discussing a viral tweet that Chelsea made in response to Trump, Meghan started to slightly interrupt when they mentioned the president wanting to fill a moat with goddamn alligators and shoot migrants in the legs A.K.A. the biggest goddamn story of Tuesday night, which somehow, Meghan had no clue about and didn’t believe was real. (Of course.) For someone who brags about her social media savvy, how do you miss a report that trended on Twitter from dinnertime to probably still now?
2. While talking about Republicans holding Trump accountable, Hillary pulled the MY FATHER card first and Meghan made this face:
Again, as someone who studies Meghan in great, almost unhealthy detail, there’s no way this wasn’t a sign that the shit is on.
The shit was not on.
Instead, Meghan and Hillary had a delightful back and forth reminiscing about MY FATHER and dunking on Pamela Anderson for backing Julian Assange. I’m talking Meghan was gushing at one point. (Am I bordering on fanfic? My bad.) If this world truly is a simulation, there are aliens and/or future humanoids frantically trying to replace a flaming circuit right now. Something broke.
So since I have nothing to work with here, I guess I’ll talk about how this is all good news? (Seriously, what is happening?) Below is a video of Hillary Clinton calmly spelling out to a massive daytime TV audience why Donald Trump is a corrupt piece of shit who definitely needs to be impeached. That needs to be communicated clearly and often, and you really can’t do a better job than this.
After that, here’s Meghan and Hillary having such a great time that if someone told me they’re in the middle of Times Square chugging vodka and getting matching tattoos, I’d have no choice but to believe it. Who am I anymore? What is my life now?
Header Image Source: The View/YouTube