Helen Mirren has appeared nude onscreen 17 times, according to Mr. Skin, where she is a member of the Hall of Fame nudity. Her first topless scene was in a 1969 movie called Age of Consent, and her last was in a 2010 movie called Love Ranch where, according to Mr. Skin, you can catch a glimpse of her left breast as she rolls over.

There’s something about having nudity catalogued for an online spank database that kind of ruins the mystique, huh?

No matter: The point is, Helen Mirren has shared herself with the world, and as Nasim Pedrad learned in an SNL sketch, there is magic in those breasts. “Her titties exist in a place beyond space and time,” according to God, played by Andy Samberg.

Alas, however, 70-year-old Helen Mirren has decided to retire her breasts from public life, as she tells Alan Cumming in a CBS interview. She is limiting their exposure to her husband.

“I was doing nude scenes [from] the first moment I started doing movies… . It was the era… . It seemed to be nothing to get your knickers in a twist over. That’s the good thing about getting older. You don’t have to do that sort of thing any more… [Now] my pleasure pillows are purely for my husband.”

What a sad day for mankind, though rest assured that, thanks to the Internet, access to Mrs. Mirren’s “pleasure pillows” will always remain a click away. In the meantime, we can still take comfort in the knowledge that Jessica Alba’s ass still has a flourishing career.

via Vanity Fair

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