This morning, we learned that the woman Brad Pitt is currently dating, 27-year-old German model Nicole Poturalski, is married to 68-year-old German restaurateur Roland Mary. They have been married for eight years, and they have one son together. We here at Pajiba have also been able to exclusively gain access to a transcript between Roland Mary and his therapist in their most recent meeting.
Therapist: Good morning, Mr. Mary. How are you feeling this morning?
Roland Mary: Honestly, I’ve been better.
Therapist: Really? Because the last time we talked, you told me that the open marriage between you and your wife was going well.
Mary: The situation has changed.
Therapist: How is that? From what I recall, you were seeing other women, and you were very happy with the arrangement.
Mary: That was true. It was a very successful open marriage, but my wife recently gained a new partner.
Therapist: And that is upsetting to you?
Mary: How would you feel about competing in your marriage with Brad Pitt?
Therapist: Look, you’re a 68-year-old man and your wife is 40 years younger than you, so I’m sure that whoever she is dating is bringing up lots of insecurities for you.
Mary: No, you don’t get it. She’s dating Brad Pitt.
Therapist: I get it, I get it. He’s younger and better looking than you, but I’m sure that you have a lot to offer, as well. Don’t forget, you are a successful restauranter!
Mary: No, you are not hearing me. She is dating the actual Brad Pitt.
Therapist: The Brad Pitt?
Mary: Yes, the Brad Pitt.
Therapist: The one from America. From Se7en and Fight Club and Meet Joe Black?
Mary: One in the same.
Therapist: Oh. Wow. Yeah, kumpel. I don’t know what to tell you. Jeez. The Brad Pitt, huh. You are f**ked. Where did they meet?
Mary: One of my restaurants.
Therapist: Ouch. And whose idea was this open marriage?
Therapist: I’m not sure there’s anything I can do for you here, Mr. Mary. I hope you have a good divorce attorney, and good luck. My receptionist will validate your parking on the way out.