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Aaron Rodgers' New Tattoo Reveals How Deep the Brain Worms Have Burrowed

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | August 3, 2022 |

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | August 3, 2022 |


The first time I heard Aaron Rodgers on a podcast many years ago, he spoke briefly about a UFO encounter. I didn’t think much of it at the time beyond the fact that it made him interesting because it set him apart from the rest of the NFL’s cadre of quarterbacks. I thought maybe he dabbled in conspiracy.

Y’all: I think Aaron Rodgers may be a conspiracy theorist who dabbles in football.

Remember: It wasn’t that long ago — a year and a half — that Aaron Rodgers hosted Jeoopardy!. He acquitted himself well. The only person who thought he had a chance at taking over the position was Rodgers himself, but he didn’t embarrass himself.

But maybe after losing out on that gig, Rodgers just decided to let his freak flag fly. He lied about being vaccinated (he rubbed some crystals on himself and said he was “immunized”), he started to believe that America Unearthed and Ancient Aliens were actual documentaries, he wore a Barstool Sports’ cancel culture hoodie, broke off his engagement with Shailene Woodley (twice), and allegedly started dating a woman who is seriously into white-lady magic.

If he is dating “Blu of Earth” who is definitely “not a witch” and who has interviewed recently by the same “human optimizer” as Rodgers, it certainly tracks with the meaning behind his tattoo.

So, Rodgers is into astrology now.

“If you’re not a student of astrology, there’s going to be some weird things to look at in there. There’s three signs at the top: Aquarius to the right, Sagittarius in the middle, and Scorpio on the far left.”

“I always said ‘If I get a tattoo, I want to get some representation of my Godson,’” Rodgers explained in an interview on the NFL Network. “Now, I have two Godsons — I’m very thankful for that — and one of them is an Aquarius and one of them is a Sagittarius, so I wanted to put a representation of them on my arm.”

Putting aside the “student of astrology” thing, that’s sweet, I guess. Also, is that the Eye of Providence in that tattoo?

“Scorpio is the sign I most resonate with on my own natal chart,” Rodgers added. “The rest has some stuff to do with elements and some other things.”

Uh-huh. I looked up astrology in the Urban Dictionary, and my favorite definition was, “How predominantly white girls cover their insecurities.” That tracks. It’s also, ah, worth noting that Aaron Rodgers’ was born on December 2nd, which actually makes him a Sagittarius, but I guess he vibes with the Scorpios.

The brain worms have burrowed deep. I wonder how often these days his teammates just nod and walk away from the huddle? “Uh, huh. Sure, Aaron. Mercury retrograde. Got it.”