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My Daily Humiliations and the Number One Film of the Weekend

By Dustin Rowles | Box Office Round-Ups | March 29, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Box Office Round-Ups | March 29, 2009 |

5. Duplicity ($7.5 million; $25.6 million): After two weeks, Duplicity is limping badly; it looks as though this will probably end up being Julia Robert’s second-worst studio showing (after Closer’s $33 million) in over a decade. She’s only got one movie officially on tap, The Friday Night Knitting Club, which is scheduled for 2010, and that hasn’t even found a director yet.

Is Julie Roberts cooked?

4. I Love You, Man ($12.6 million; $37 million) With a respectable 30 percent drop-off from its opening weekend, and no other comedies on the horizon until Observe and Report (if you don’t count Fast & Furious), Paul Rudd and Co. look as though they’re on pace to hit the $60 million mark, good enough for 11th all time in the Arrested Development subgenre (a subgenre led by Big Daddy at $163 million, and Knocked Up at $148 million). It trails Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but looks unlikely to break its $67 million total.

3. Knowing ($14 million; $46 million): Last weeks’ number one film dropped a respectable 40 percent, and Nic Cage’s Knowing has, so far, had much better legs than the flick deserves. I don’t expect it to stick around in the top five next week, with Fast & Furious in the rearview mirror (*groan*). But don’t worry, folks: It’ll hit $80 million, and Nic Cage’s cinematic omnipresence will continue. In fact, I heard that he’d actually like to extend the Bad Lieutenant remake into a franchise. After Bad Lieutenant: Port of New Orleans comes out later this year (in which he costars with Eva Mendes and Val Kilmer), he’s thinking that more Bad Lieutenant movies (in different locations) would be fantastic. You know what else would be fantastic? A freak accident that left Nic Cage incapable of speech.

2. The Haunting in Connecticut ($): True story, straight of out TK’s handbook: All of last week, I was suffering through the worst cold I’ve had since 2002. During the first half of the week, I successfully hacked my through the day — I coughed so much on Tuesday, I woke up on Wednesday thinking I’d cracked three ribs. But, I pushed on. There are no sick days in Pajiba-land (just bad posts). Anyway, Wednesday night, I went to bed feeling a little better, and on Thursday morning, I ran out to get some more cold medication. Running through the pharmacy, I picked up the first cough and cold medicine I found — it was blue, and it said “Cool Burst”! I wanted a cool burst, so I grabbed it and went home. Over the next two and a half days, however, my cold seemed to get progressively worse. Not only could I not shake it, but I was now lightheaded, woozy, slightly drunk, and could barely keep my head up. On Friday, I barely made it through The Haunting in Connecticut — my senses were dulled, and even those jump-scares that usually send my heart into my chest (even in the worst horror movies) had absolutely no effect on me, except to make me sleepy. I came home, and I struggled through that review — I could barely type, and as a commenter pointed out soon after the review went up, I consistently referred to the movie’s title incorrectly (I did it so many times, it likely looked intentional; I assure you it was not).

Anyway, I struggled through the rest of the day like a cantankerous zombie, and despite sleeping a full 8 hours that night, I woke up groggy, and after an hour and a half, my body completely gave out. Inexplicably, I’d fallen asleep again, like a drunk narcoleptic. And I don’t have to tell parents that mid-day sleeping is not something that’s normally allowed. But Mrs. Pajiba-hyphenate let it go, reasoning that, while asleep and useless, at least I wasn’t being a cranky asshole anymore. However, when I woke up that afternoon, still feeling groggy, I stumbled into the kitchen and started to take another swig of that cold medicine (I’d ignored the dosage instructions, and I’d been downing that shit like juice), I finally realized my mistake.

For two and a half days, I’d been heavily consuming nighttime cough and cold medicine. During the day. I am a goddamn genius, folks.

So, while I stand behind my The Haunting in Connecticut review, I do apologize for failing to get the title correct. Five times.

And as for The Haunting in Connecticut: A pretty impressive showing for a less than mediocre, violence-free, atmospheric horror flick based on Connecticut. It’s also Virginia Madsen’s biggest opener ever. At least something good came out of it.

1. Monsters vs. Aliens ($58 million): $58 million represents the biggest opening weekend of 2009 (surpassing The Watchmen’s). That is also the third largest opening weekend all time, in March (behind 300 and Ice Age: The Meltdown). It is likewise the third largest Spring opening of all time. With a $58 million opening, and little in the family-film category in its way until May, Monsters vs. Aliens is likely headed toward $180 million or so, good for second all time among animated sci-fi flicks (Wall-E holds the lead with $223 million). It was also the biggest 3D release ever, and 3D screenings accounted for $32 million of the receipts over the weekend. And no: We don’t have a review up yet. We save our family flicks for Mondays. Agent Bedhead will have it to you Monday afternoon.

I should also note that John Cena’s 12 Rounds bombed with a 7th place finish and $5.3 million, fully $2 million less than what The Marine opened with.