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I Love You, Man / Daniel Carlson

Film Reviews | March 20, 2009 | Comments (402)

The comedy of discomfort is a mainstay of film and television, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to pull off. Successfully crafting a likable character and then putting him or her through an emotional wringer of self-loathing, doubt, and alienation often makes for some really painful viewing unless there’s a balance of what could be called heart. John Hamburg — who wrote Meet the Parents and the sequel Meet the Fockers, as well as writing and directing Along Came Polly — has a track record of bad comedies revolving around a bland male character played by Ben Stiller who just absolutely hates himself and is willing to prostrate himself at the feet of his girlfriend/job/the whims of the universe because he feels he must. Those movies’ awkward moments were rendered unwatchable because of the bored hatred the characters flung at one another even as the movies themselves pretended to be lighthearted or honest. But Hamburg has finally made a great comedy, and he figured out how to do it: Basically, stop making the lead(s) such an unlikable jackass, and turn his awkwardness into a character trait born of earnestness instead of a tic born of desperation. I Love You, Man is a hilarious, breezy comedy that coasts on the sheer chemistry of its leads, but it’s also less abrasive to the soul simply because, for the first time, Hamburg’s heroes are allowed to be energetic without being manic, and clumsy without being punished. There’s a genuine sweetness to the film, and though Hamburg doesn’t reinvent the modern comedy, it’s nevertheless a major step in the right direction.

Peter Klaven (Paul Rudd) is a mostly timid real estate agent engaged to Zooey (Rashida Jones). The film opens on the night he proposes, but while Zooey excitedly calls her girlfriends, Peter doesn’t call anyone, which leads him to the small realization that he doesn’t have any close friends. After a series of minor plot points that have to be cleared in order for the film’s main narrative to kick in, Peter decides he needs to “meet some guys” in order to make a few new friends and select a best man for his wedding. It’s not that he’s lonely or unhappy, it’s just that he’s entered that weird area of adult life where it feels cumbersome and too packed with self-disclosure to meet someone new and ask them if they want to hang out. As Peter says, “There’s no rules for male friendships,” which launches him into a montage of meeting potential friends through his brother, Robbie (Andy Samberg), his parents, Joyce (Jane Curtin) and Oswald (J.K. Simmons), and the guys in his local fencing group. Every film struggles with the battle between what it wants to say and how it actually says it — basically, the potential dichotomy between idea and execution — and I Love You, Man starts from a decent concept but succeeds on the strength of its delivery.

Peter eventually meets Sidney Fife (Jason Segel), who attends one of Peter’s open houses for the free food and divorcees, and Peter is drawn to Sidney’s ability to relax and meet people. They swap numbers, and there’s the requisite scene in which Peter practices the phone call before he actually makes it. But though the dialogue in moments like that occasionally drifts into the quasi-relational approach to comedy, Hamburg, who shares co-writing credit with Larry Levin, genuinely wants to explore how grown-ups make friends. So Peter and Sidney start hanging out, talking about women, and listening to Rush records, which for Peter is a way to begin to grow up even as he finds himself reverting in Sidney’s presence to a more adolescent mindset. The script is often trumped by its actors, and Rudd and Segel play nothing more than very slightly altered versions of themselves, or at least the screen personas they’ve been inhabiting for the past few years. But the two men at the center of the film are allowed to have a good time together, and while Peter is almost cripplingly bad at trying to be cool — his efforts to invent spontaneous slang are fantastically bad, as when he tries to transform “totally” into “totes magotes” — Hamburg never pushes his characters into self-hatred.

I Love You, Man is the latest in a string of male-centered comedies that seem to involve the same group of actors, writers, and producers, and Rudd and Segel are just as fantastic together as you’d want them to be. Rudd is wonderful at playing awkward and meta-awkward, turning in a performance as a weird little guy who thinks it’s acceptable to say “chillaxing,” and Segel is the perfect complement as a socially outgoing but inwardly insecure man. The bulk of the film unfolds pretty simply, with Peter attempting to sell Lou Ferrigno’s estate to make enough money to start a new life, while also working toward what he hopes will be a new best friend in Sidney. The thrust of the plot is built on emotion instead of action, so while Hamburg never pretends Peter will be anything but all right in his business — he’s a cheerily upper-middle-class white guy, after all — the director does manage to imbue some modest tension in the way Peter and Sidney’s relationship will play out. The film also takes a smart turn by upping the stakes for Sidney: Peter needed a friend so he’d feel like he was still able to connect to people, but Sidney needed someone because so many of his other friends had moved on to wives, children, and the family life Sidney doesn’t want. The story’s smartest moments are when it manages to push, even briefly, past the gimmicky façade of two men figuring out how to hang out and explore what it means for men like Sidney to want to still sit around and listen to those Rush records while seemingly being left behind by his peers. Sidney is still so good at making friends the way kids do because he still lives and thinks like one, and his revelations about his own arrested development are what raise the film slightly from just another sweet but forgettable comedy and give it emotional weight and heart. Hamburg finally found the balance, and it’s a good place to be.

Daniel Carlson is the managing editor of Pajiba and a low-level employee at a Hollywood industry magazine. You can visit his blog, Slowly Going Bald.


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Comments

God, could Jason Segal look fatter and more smarmy in that picture?

Irregardless (yeah, I said it), I intend to catch a matinee of this tomorrow for the sheer bromance of it all.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at March 20, 2009 7:42 PM

I probably will have to see it since I feel just as awkward at the idea of having to drum up some groomsmen. I got...one, should the need occur.

Posted by: Jay at March 20, 2009 7:43 PM

Why did I think that all the Pajibians had hated this movie at SXSW?

Posted by: Eep at March 20, 2009 7:44 PM

Yeah, I think it's a weird angle making his face and neck look bloated, plus his relative dwarfing of Paul. The collared shirt under the sweater looks like a necklace too, which adds to the effect. He doesn't look the same in the other stills.

Also, oh god, Jane Curtin looks so cute in glasses. I need to have a good look at her and Sarah Burns, I think.

Posted by: Jay at March 20, 2009 7:51 PM

Sweet, Im just glad this movie doesn't suck...

Posted by: Friar at March 20, 2009 8:01 PM

Jay, will you be my friend?

Posted by: Pookie at March 20, 2009 8:09 PM

Wait, what?! Didn't you guys hate this at SXSW? Mr. Carlson, were you not the drunken sot who filled the theatre with your boos? Was it all a ruse? I am so confused. I expect more from your reviews, the rest of this one I shall now peruse.

Posted by: Geetch at March 20, 2009 8:20 PM

Oh, thank goodness this is good. I was gonna see it anyway, but some of my acquaintances were bemoaning the movie as I was squeeing about it.

Jay, will you be my friend?

Pooks, that was adorable. Like, preschooler covered in finger paints asking for a loli adorable. I hope you and Jay end up being besties forever.

Dan, I love you, sugar, but there is nothing wrong with Totes Magotes and Rudd is all the better for uttering it.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 20, 2009 8:22 PM

Quoth Prisco:

Meanwhile, my confreres were busy disliking I Love You, Man (well, Dan kinda liked it; the Boozehound booed the screen)

Posted by: Jay at March 20, 2009 9:05 PM

| Just got served by Jay
|
|
V

Posted by: Eep at March 20, 2009 9:09 PM

For those not getting it, that's supposed to be an arrow pointing at my name.

Posted by: Eep at March 20, 2009 9:10 PM

Ooo, I'm served as well. Damn you, Boozehound. My apologies, Mr. Carlson.

Posted by: Geetch at March 20, 2009 9:15 PM

Oh, no serving intended, just clearing things up.

Posted by: Jay at March 20, 2009 9:30 PM

I really couldn't see how this could be bad, with the cast involved, unless the writing was pure shite. Good to know Hamburg has apparently pulled his head out of a certain oriface.

Jay, I'll be a groomsman via internet connection. Also, I'm kinda pissed that Pookie doesn't want to be my friend. I thought we had something special.

Posted by: admin at March 20, 2009 9:52 PM

I saw a preview screening of this a few weeks ago and it was a lot funnier than I expected.

Anyway, at the screening Jason Segel did a live performance of Dracula's Lament, with Paul Rudd as a human mic stand. It pretty much made my life.

I took a video... Click on my name to see it.

Posted by: Stephanie at March 20, 2009 9:53 PM

Thanks, admin. Yeah, I'd basically be bringing my own group of bridesmaids, and that just seems like it'd be a little awkward.

Posted by: Jay at March 20, 2009 9:54 PM

It could be a little uncomfortable picking out the dresses for them. I bet the bachelor party would be epic though.

Posted by: admin at March 20, 2009 10:08 PM

So all that Meet the Fockers shithead had to do was not cast Ben Stiller? This is quite a mindfuck.

Posted by: George at March 20, 2009 10:29 PM

I am going to see this just for the Rush cameo. If it is good that is a bonus. If it is bad, I saw Rush on the big screen.

Here is a Rush video everyone should watch. They bring the motherfuckin' heat, yo.
Natural Science

I wish Rush were my friends.

Posted by: Bucko at March 20, 2009 11:09 PM

Become friends with Bubbles, he's got the hookup yo.

Posted by: admin at March 20, 2009 11:32 PM

I just want to go off on a tangent here for a moment and say that tonight's episode of Dollhouse was freakin' phenomenal. It had excellent fighting sequences, mythology, intrigue, humor, and a very shirtless, very sexy Agent Ballard.

I don't mean to gush, but it's very obvious where Whedon's influence has been inserted. If you gave up on the show, watch it tomorrow on Hulu and try again.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at March 21, 2009 12:03 AM

And by influence, he means penis.

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 12:18 AM

I always mean penis.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at March 21, 2009 12:20 AM

I might actually have the time, the money and, now, a reason to see this.

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 21, 2009 12:26 AM

Why did I think that all the Pajibians had hated this movie at SXSW?

Because someone made up in loud, obnoxious drunkenness what he lacked in numbers.

Ahem.

Ooo, I'm served as well. Damn you, Boozehound.

Totally. Totes.

Totes Magotes!

Posted by: ted boynton at March 21, 2009 1:12 AM

Totes Magotes, indeed. For sooth, the movie blew donkeys.

Posted by: Smokin at March 21, 2009 2:10 AM

Oh Ralph Wiggum.

Also, great review. I'm particularly intrigued by the "adults re-learning how to make friends" angle.

Posted by: Kevin Longrie at March 21, 2009 3:00 AM

So do these guys "do" it in the end?


What's the pay-off here?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 21, 2009 6:15 AM

I have nothing but disdain for most of the people here, you all bore me. I come here to unload my bile and free myself from the rot that surrounds me. One day I’m going to go out to the countryside to be free to let my thoughts run unencumbered.

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 9:30 AM

One day I’m going to go out to the countryside to be free to let my thoughts run unencumbered.

Do us a favor and bring a scooper and a little bag when you head out here. Y'all tend to let those unleashed thoughts go wherever they want and it's beginning to upset the god-botherers. That wouldn't irritate me if they didn't turn around and blame me and mine for being "elitist" - as if we have any friggin' control over what the rest of you bile-spewing rot zombies do.

Posted by: Reba at March 21, 2009 9:52 AM

Reba, your jaundiced views represents mankind’s decent into a rotted pit that has become his home. Cool your mind from your rambling thoughts, let the goodness that is hidden in you breathe the pristine air of life.

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 10:07 AM

*descent*

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 10:12 AM

I think it means that Pookie wants to put his ideas out to stud.

Posted by: branded at March 21, 2009 10:13 AM

Somewhat brandy, I’m just tired of trying to tell you people that you all to change your ways. I will not judge you guys on your failures, I will only try to help you all.

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 10:23 AM

Yep, it's always a treat to work on the weekend, every single time.

Posted by: Jay at March 21, 2009 10:40 AM

I saw this last night; my god this was a good movie. I didn't really expect it to be but put faith in this review and I'm glad I did. I've never laughed so hard--and it was so easy to. I was really impressed--its rare that you see that kind of simple comedy executed so well.

I saw it with my boyfriend and it was pretty much us watching his life unfolding on screen, sans the real jobs and money. He IS Paul Rudd's character/Paul Rudd himself. Girlfriend Guy, puts his efforts into his relationships, has a lot of girl friends, no real male friends, I always encourage him to go out with his friends that he doesn't see often because he is with me, etc. He even has the same hairline and long torso. It was a freaky movie to watch.

Posted by: Kate at March 21, 2009 10:46 AM

Good morning Jay, I trust you slept good or as good as a person can in your situation?

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 10:48 AM

So in other words Kate, your boyfriend is in a silent hell and he wants out?

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 10:54 AM

Precisely. Right where I want him--eventually I break them all.

Posted by: Kate at March 21, 2009 10:57 AM

Kate, I can almost feel your boyfriend’s balls breaking.

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 11:03 AM

Kate, I can almost feel your boyfriend’s balls breaking.

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 11:03 AM
---------------------------------------------

Breaking, splintering and splattering all over the floor.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 21, 2009 11:08 AM

Yes. The liquid nitrogen does provide a nice sound effect.

Posted by: Kate at March 21, 2009 11:08 AM

I just don't have that rapport with men and don't want to be left alone with them. Heterogenous groups are good though. Fortunately it's usually not an issue. My problem has more often been women who don't know each other, from different spheres, and I don't know if they'll mix. When my best friend was here we had brunch with my male friend out in Athens (though he's the solitary guy he's also my oldest active friend now) (course neither of us are really men's men). We shot the geeky shit and it all went swimmingly. We explained Donna Noble to her, then explained The Wire to him (via Homicide on my part, "Barnfather runs a strip club!").

Posted by: Jay at March 21, 2009 11:17 AM

In the history of the world a woman has never successfully broken a man’s balls and they ended up have a great relationship. At the end of the day the man will become resentful and act out in other ways, like puttin’ the pipe to one of your friends my dear sweet Kate.

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 11:19 AM

Who's to say that would be a bad thing?

Posted by: Kate at March 21, 2009 11:22 AM

I like where your head's at Kate..

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 21, 2009 11:36 AM

I like where Kate's going with this.

And where's my damn weekend thread, R*wles?

Also, I need a review of "Duplicity" STAT, so I know whether I'll be forced to break my self-imposed boycott of Muppet-mouth's movies. She's past the point where I just loathe her and headed into genuine creep-out territory.

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 21, 2009 11:39 AM

Hello, Slim. You, me and Kate?

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 21, 2009 11:41 AM

Jay, that was a very interesting post. You seem to over analyze the way that men and women interact. Sometimes things are just as they appear, nothing more nothing less.

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 11:44 AM

Must be Saturday.

Posted by: Jay at March 21, 2009 11:44 AM

Kate, I would make some comment about not feeding the animals, but it's probably too late for that, so I won't.

See what I did there?

Posted by: Smokin at March 21, 2009 11:55 AM

It IS, and since this thread has already been sufficiently jacked, and since Mrs. Daddy has just made a very interesting suggestion, I'll toss out today's question and be quickly on my way:

ONE FREEBIE

If you could hook up for a night of no-consequences fun (take that any way you wish) with one Pajibite or Pajibette, who (whom? I can never get that one straight) would you choose?

(I have a feeling a disturbing number of Pajibettes would pick Pookie or Slim. We shall see ...)

You MUST go straight to the bottom of the thread and add a name without looking at any of the others. This is in way, sort of, of constructing a kind of Mr./Ms. Pajiba contest.

This will be particularly difficult for the guys, there are an infinite number of desirable and dirty-mouthed whor- ... um, ladies here, and any one of them would, I'm certain, be a great time, but for today, I'm going with supremely punctual and commalicious figgy. The plan is to spend the evening editing "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" and the Bible, and then get a good night's sleep.

Who's next?

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 21, 2009 11:59 AM

Nice question buc. But seeing as I jerk off at least twice a day, I would have to pick choose myself.

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 12:06 PM

Wanna hook up with those 18+ hot models, sexy girls and handsome guys, just join the best and largest tall dating club: ___Tallmingle.com___ , We bring together tall-dating minded singles from USA, UK, Canada, Australia, Europe and more. Come on, have a try! Join for FREE.

Posted by: Sally at March 21, 2009 12:14 PM

Excuse me long tall Sally, but this is a respectable website, I, we, don’t appreciate you coming here and trying to peddle your filth. Hey buc, can we talk about our fetishes also? My fetish is I loving having women watch me jerk off, I don’t know, it’s a thrill I guess.

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 12:20 PM

Well, bucdaddy, your prediction is accurate. With his one vote, Pookie is indeed leading among male Pajibans so far.

I'll have to give some thought to this one. Really? Just one freebie? *sigh*

Posted by: meaux at March 21, 2009 12:29 PM

I'm gonna have to go with Jeremy for my one night of endless pleasure, for obvious aesthetic reasons.

And everytime one of you types "STAT," please dear God tell me you have this voice going through your head:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9EWyCK0rXw

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at March 21, 2009 12:50 PM

Hmmm, this could be pleasantly awkward and stalkery.

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 12:56 PM

Really, it's too hard to choose. I think a big ol' Pajorgy is the only way to go.

Posted by: meaux at March 21, 2009 1:36 PM

I can see admin's comment.. awkward and stalkery, indeed!

No offense to any of you other Pajiboys, because you're all pretty darn hot, but I'ma have to say Optimus Rhyme. I like 'em young & fragile.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 21, 2009 1:37 PM

Although I would totally watch Pookie jerk off, and I think meaux's Pajorgy (awesome new word, BTW) is the way to go. I mean, since we're talking all consequence-free and whatnot.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 21, 2009 1:40 PM

I cannot make a decision. There are simply too many different reasons for the different Pajibettes. Perhaps my current IIG. Maybe I could convince her that Drew Barrymore gargles balls, while she's gargling mine.

Since there are no consequences, I would want to go drinkin with Pookie, BSlim, Bucdaddy, Branded, Snath, Boynton and Prisco. Something tells me jail time would be the least to be expected.

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 2:04 PM

Oh, and Skitz and Rhyme. We got to school the young uns'. Sorry ladies, guys night out. Although, if you just happened to "crash the party", I'm sure we wouldn't kick you out of bed for drinking gin.

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 2:11 PM

Just one?

Y'all are some peddlers of discrimination.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 21, 2009 2:14 PM

admin, as one of the elder Pajiladies, I feel well and truly qualified to assist in the ...erm, education of the young ones. And, in fact, probably some of the older ones too.

Also, I enjoy gin, so *phew* on that account.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 21, 2009 2:18 PM

Oh, no no no! Sorry, admin, but there is no way in hell that I am missing that party--I don't care if I have to stuff a sock down my trousers to get in!

Posted by: meaux at March 21, 2009 2:21 PM

Admin I’m sure you are a nice person and shit, but I’m not really a drinker. And Although the thought of going out drinking with you guys does sound appealing and shit, at this time I must decline.

Give me a forty something emotionally scarred BBW with an attitude problem and I’m in heaven. No, the young girls don’t turn me on, I like my women damaged.

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 2:24 PM

hmmmmm...I shall have to retire to the couch fort for an hour of quiet contemplation, although I'm leaning towards Jay - he's prolific and always up for a round of sparring.

Posted by: chicka_chicka_boom_boom at March 21, 2009 2:43 PM

I have nothing to say right now..... I just wanted to be comment # 69.

Dirty!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 21, 2009 3:12 PM

Oh yeah? Well, I want to be comment #70. It's, like, 69...plus one! Rowr!

Posted by: meaux at March 21, 2009 3:19 PM

Hell, I'm such a whore, I'm givin' out five of them.

5: Pookie
4: admin
3: branded
2: Smokin
1: Pink Hulk

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at March 21, 2009 3:39 PM

Having just looked up, me and Pink Hulk totally chose each other! Awwwwww!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at March 21, 2009 3:42 PM

5!!!.... motherfucka please!

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 3:44 PM

Really, it's too hard to choose. I think a big ol' Pajorgy is the only way to go.

Agreed. You can't make me choose.

OKAY fine. I'd go with my IIB, buc. Because he is, indeed, commalicious. Phwoar.

I'd also go with Jeremy as my second choice, but I'm afraid that that just wouldn't work out. And Hulk would kill me if I tried anything.

Posted by: figgy at March 21, 2009 3:45 PM

I bet Pookie is extra snuggly though.

The name just screams "hug me like I'm a teddy bear".

Posted by: figgy at March 21, 2009 3:46 PM

Sorry Pooks, but until I see you up on the facebook, you're stuck at five. Hell, I'm doin' a leap of faith here, since I'm incredibly shallow and have no idea what you look like.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at March 21, 2009 3:53 PM

You mean to tell me Jeremy that my sparkling personality hasn’t won you over yet?

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 3:58 PM

I'm going to hazard a guess and say no, Pookie.

Posted by: Smokin at March 21, 2009 4:05 PM

I can't pick just one either. I gotta' go with the top 5.

1) My IIB, admin. Obviously.

2) The Boozehound, Ted B. I would make him write an article or two beforehand and then read it to me while we're doin' it. I'm not so sure how that would work, but yeah, his words do things to me and I'd be willing to give it a try.

3) BSlim. SHUT UP, he can do the splits ACROSS THE WHOLE FLOOR!

4) Jeremy Darling. Just 'cause I would like to cuddle with him and watch movies and yell things at the tv and then make cookies together and read Cosmo or Glamour while we're waiting for the cookies to be done and we'd laugh and laugh. Good times.

5) Pants, because she's freakin' HOT and I'm pretty sure she'd go along with a three-some and then I could add one more and that would be Skitz, because COME ON, tell me he wouldn't make you laugh until you peed and with him you get two for the price of one. Plus a turkey claw! Bonus.

Posted by: Lainey at March 21, 2009 4:10 PM

Yes it has, Pooks, that's why you made my fuck list! And once again, I'm shallow. Reeeeeal shallow. Which means you need one very sparkly personality (or one super huge dong) to make it on. Also, thank you to the three people who have theoretically bonked me so far.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at March 21, 2009 4:22 PM

Sounds like I'm scoring BOO YAH!

Keep in mind ladies/gays....? Slim don't pay for nothin'!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 21, 2009 4:31 PM

Oh, and my dogs get to watch.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 21, 2009 4:31 PM

Conrad.

Posted by: SaBrina at March 21, 2009 4:50 PM

You had me until the dog thing Slim...I don't do audiences.

Posted by: Smokin at March 21, 2009 4:54 PM

It's the dogs.... or nothing.


That's how I roll.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 21, 2009 4:55 PM

This is getting entirely too weird for me, I’m actually jealous that Jeremy wants to hit some other guy in the seat instead of me.

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 5:04 PM

Quick! I need a female member of pajiba to email me a picture of her breastases.

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 5:11 PM

You want a picture of my Retriever?...or my German?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 21, 2009 5:26 PM

...dooode it's like, 18 teats...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 21, 2009 5:27 PM

Pajiba....after weekends...we do bestiality/sensuality, on the old school tip.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 21, 2009 5:29 PM

Pajiba facebook has plenty of boobs...

Posted by: figgy at March 21, 2009 5:33 PM

*taunts Pookie*

Posted by: figgy at March 21, 2009 5:57 PM

18 you say Slim? hmmmm

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 6:01 PM

Slim, aren’t teats like hand-me-down tits?

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 6:04 PM

Forget that Slim, I want the Glengarry tits!

Posted by: Pookie at March 21, 2009 6:10 PM

Thanks Jeremy, I would totally do you too if I was down with dong, or if I was really, really drunked up.

Lainey, I'm not even a little bit jealous because the others are all right on the money. Especially Skitz. Deviant Total Recall sex? How could you say no?

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 7:04 PM

Hey BSlim, do your dogs do any "tricks"?

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 7:08 PM

They do as they're told!

That's all I'm gonna say.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 21, 2009 7:25 PM

Sofia. What can I say, I dig the latin chicks. And her Mom's hot.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at March 21, 2009 9:33 PM

I’m actually jealous that Jeremy wants to hit some other guy in the seat instead of me.

Pooks, sweetheart, I'm a bottom. Or in straight people talk, the catcher.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at March 21, 2009 9:42 PM

admin, please join Tracer Bullet in the closet.

Don't be afraid, the door is ajar.

Feist and Pink Hulk will be there shortly to ply you with alcohol.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at March 21, 2009 9:48 PM

By the way, have any of you guys seen this pic of Sofia? Good lord, I thought everyone on this sight looked like a freak.


http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_spqm6gAHc3I/SX5vmBzBiCI/AAAAAAAAAXw/bDytVGLnlAo/s1600-h/DSC00046.JPG

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at March 21, 2009 10:03 PM

Charmer

Posted by: Jay at March 21, 2009 10:05 PM

Highest straight guy on Jeremy's list! Now I know who can make up for all my experimentation-free summers at camp.

Posted by: branded at March 21, 2009 10:28 PM

so.
this is it? the weekend thread i've been waiting for all week?
i mean, don't get me wrong, that pic of sofia is beautiful and all.
and i hope i don't, you know, stop the thread completely in its tracks like i did last weekend.
i just thought that maybe with austin being over and done with, well, maybe, just maybe, i could be a little more entertained.

damn, brenda's teeth creep me out.

Posted by: gp at March 21, 2009 10:29 PM

Frankly, I'm amazed no one has applied the moniker "The Frat Pack" to this group of guys all using the same people in the similar styles of comedy. Every frat boy I know is absolutely obsessed with these guys.

Posted by: VentureSister at March 21, 2009 10:31 PM

Hmmm. I should not be posting when I'm drunk. That last post made no sense what-so-ever. But you guys know what I mean, right?

Posted by: VentureSister at March 21, 2009 10:33 PM

Awwwww Jeremy. You like me...you really like me!

And L.O.V.E., I think admin is a girl, and there is no WAY I'm touching any of those parts...not again.

I just got back from seeing I Love You, Man. It was fucking phenomenal. Funny, big-hearted, well-acted, and just an all-around feel-good kind of movie. You kids should all check it out.

I also saw Sex Drive today. Not bad for what it was, either.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at March 21, 2009 10:33 PM

seriously, you guys are hiding from me, aren't you?
probably all in some other thread for all the "cool" kids.

well, screw you guys, i'm gonna go watch vh1! when i'm dead and gone, then you bastards will miss me! i hate you!

um, guys, hello?


fuck.

Posted by: gp at March 21, 2009 10:33 PM

I'm not ignoring you gp...I'm just in a Smart Ones Cookie Dough Sundae coma.

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at March 21, 2009 10:37 PM

I'm kind of insulted that TPH won't touch my parts. What is a girl to do.

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 10:39 PM

Pink, I think you just made my point better than I did (assuming that admin is indeed a dude).

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at March 21, 2009 10:40 PM

awesome, altho i'm much more about the skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. i could eat 10 of those bitches, hee hee.

Posted by: gp at March 21, 2009 10:41 PM

Doh!

admin, are you at least a lesbian? Otherwise, I am going to need to drink a fifth to get this all straightened out in my head.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at March 21, 2009 10:43 PM

Saw it. It was cute. Not amazing by any stretch, but funny enough. I definitely liked _Role Models_ better. The beer can chicken I had earlier in the evening most definitely trumped the pants off the movie and in light of that kind of awesomeness I feel kind of bad trying to list anything as really awesome.

VentureSister

Posted by: Kayanne at March 21, 2009 10:45 PM

Eff, stupid me. I forget that accidently pressing enter doesn't take you to a preview page, anyway...

As I was saying, VS, I believe that whole Will Ferrel troupe got labeled as the Frat Pack guys way back when Old School came out.

Any one else think it's cute that a ton of the straight men out there are squeeing about being on other guy's bang list? Epic hetero win or what?

Posted by: Kayanne at March 21, 2009 10:49 PM

Ok, I'm online shopping and looking at this thread and realized I have a good question for the men out there.

I like wearing high heels and I happen to be getting into shorter dresses, like, mid-tigh. Some of my more conservative friends (considering I'm a pretty conservative dresser overall, that's saying something) think this can look a little tarty. It also doesn't help that I have long legs, but it's not my fault!

So, men, short(ish) dress with high heels: borderline skanky or good to go?

Posted by: Kayanne at March 21, 2009 10:54 PM

can't it be both?

Posted by: gp at March 21, 2009 10:56 PM

Nice going, L.O.V.E., now all the straight guys and more than a few of the lez chicks are gonna be like, "Yeah, Sofia, she's all mine!" like they had been pining for her lo these many years and just hadn't gotten around to expressing their wanton desires until I asked the question, and not because they just looked at that link and discovered she has ... has ... Goodgodamighty ...

*eyes fall out, land on tongue*

Ahem, where was I? Oh yeah. You'll notice there's nothing shallow about me, I want to nail the chick I've never seen below the lower lip. And by "nail" I mean read to each other all the naughty parts of "The Elements of Style."

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 21, 2009 11:01 PM

1) Admin is a dude...now. The best dude money can create.

2) Kayanne just vaulted up my list.

Posted by: branded at March 21, 2009 11:01 PM

can't it be both?

I like your enthusiasm, gp, but I don't wanna be skanky. I mean, if I'm going whore-ish I wanna be upscale excort, ya know?

Posted by: Kayanne at March 21, 2009 11:02 PM

Kayanne, Too hard to judge from here. We need pictures.

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 21, 2009 11:03 PM

It's got more to do with the cut of the skirt that the length Kayanne. Are we talking tight, fitted or loose?

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 11:03 PM

And you just pole vaulted up mine, branded. *wink*

I am just the worst.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 21, 2009 11:04 PM

Kayanne, Have you ever seen Tina Turner's show? Right about there on the dress.

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 21, 2009 11:05 PM

Fuck you branded, if I was going to buy my shit, I would have gone smaller.

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 11:07 PM

I like that I've confused both the Heteros and the Homos.

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 11:09 PM

then more factors besides the length of the dress need to be considered.
like material. obviously if it's lacy and see-through, then no. but another fabric may be fine.
slits? i mean, even a knee-length dress with a slit up to your upper thigh can be...wrong.
perhaps if we had a link to said garment, we could be of further service...
and i don't even do this for the girls in my Real Life. (once, you open that door, you're everybody's gay best friend and have to consult and approve every damn decision). but for you, i'll give it my honest opinion.

Posted by: gp at March 21, 2009 11:09 PM

admin what a very good question! Both are sort of pencil skirt-ish but a little looser. Nothing billowy. But not too tight. I can sit comfortably; legs crossed at the ankles, naturally.

Hmmm, I'm not sure if I have any pictures in either dress, bucdaddy. But if I find some, or take some for that matter, I'll send them your way for analysis at the skanky skirt crime lab I'm sure you've got for just such occasions.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 21, 2009 11:09 PM

Although I would totally watch Pookie jerk off

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 21, 2009 1:40 PM
---
Can I watch you watch Pookie jerk off?

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 21, 2009 11:10 PM

once, you open that door, you're everybody's gay best friend

gp, does that bother you? Because when some of my female friends start telling me that "every girl needs a gay," I'm like, well, I have friends that are gay, but I don't abuse the poor souls. Especially since a few of them aren't the "let's go shopping and such" type, anyway. It weirds me out that some women try and collect the ultimate gay like some fucking birkin bag. Y'all are not objects.

And it's not so much the length of the skirt that gets me nervous, I've come to terms with that just like I've come to terms with showing cleavage (but definitely not both at the same time). It's the whole short skirt plus high heels that worries me. Is it a no go in general, I'm a singled out because I'm tall/ have long legs, because I feel like flats don't really do the garment justice.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 21, 2009 11:15 PM

Ok. what is the hight of the heels, open or closed toe and what type of heel.

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 11:16 PM

if I was going to buy my shit, I would have gone smaller.

You do make a very good point. It'd be like intending to build on a sun room addition to your house, only to have the architect turn it into the Washington Monument.

Posted by: branded at March 21, 2009 11:18 PM

admin, 2.5-3 inches. I've worn closed-toe with both, but I like my peep-toes. No strappy sandals, but I just bought a 2 in pair that I'd probably wear with either... But red patent peeps for the black and a pair of bronze ones with the floral print. But I did just buy a pair of red closed-toe pumps that I'll probably rock with the black dress.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 21, 2009 11:19 PM

ok, 1st off, if you question the shoes because other people may scoff, well fuck em! if YOU feel comfortable in the shoe, go for it. i mean, yeah, cherry red 8inch stilettos may be a TAD much, but if you're going out, why shouldn't you go a "little" over the top?
as long as you feel the shoes compliment the dress, work that shit out and go. just not to church.

and back in the day, i had sooo many chicks hitting me up for random advice on anything from hair, make-up, fashion, relationships, female health "issues" (!!!), that i just started giving out lame, albeit rather complex and "educated", help, just to see if said girl would take it.
granted, that was back in the early 90s, but you'd be SHOCKED what i got girls to do to themselves. just because i'm gay. it's craZZZy!

Posted by: gp at March 21, 2009 11:26 PM

Your good to go. Heel height has a direct correlation to, shall we say, willingness. While I find the open toe to be a little more "casual" the closed are defiantely a lure. A lot will also depend on what you are wearing up top.

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 11:30 PM

Buc, I am glaring at you through my computer.

I am a mighty jealous fig. I want all the commas. All of them! the dashes, too!

Posted by: figgy at March 21, 2009 11:31 PM

i agree. now, take a quarter so you can call us if you need us.
:)

Posted by: gp at March 21, 2009 11:32 PM

female health "issues" (!!!)

In the words of the dear Lizzie Bennet, "I hate to be hard on my sex, but... those bitches are fucking crazy."

So I paraphrased. But no, seriously, why would anyone do that ever. How does not wanting to fuck a vagina make you an expert on all things with a vagina? Good advice can come from all different sources, but you don't have to be gay to be an expert on lady issues. I mean, seriously, my rule of thumb for people I wanna hang out with is "Are you in asshole? If yes, go hang out with that bitch I'm not talking to." If you're not an asshole (gay, straight, female, male, etc.), I'll probably wanna hang out with you. And then if I trust you, I'll ask for your advice.

And thank you, gp I will rock that shit. Hell, I'll even do it in church, too. Jesus will forgive me.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 21, 2009 11:34 PM

It'd be like intending to build on a sun room addition to your house, only to have the architect turn it into the Washington Monument.

Damn right! Now the kids won't be able to go to college because I financed the whole damn thing. Motherfucking third world plastic surgeons.

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 11:36 PM

Thanks to all the PajiMen for your help! I'll be slutting it up in your honor as soon as the spring weather sticks this week.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 21, 2009 11:36 PM

fyi, wearing the same dress to church sunday morning that you wore to the club saturday night IS somewhat trashy, lol.

Posted by: gp at March 21, 2009 11:37 PM

No gp, it's practical.

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 11:39 PM

I can proudly say I've never sashay of shamed myself into a church pew. But I'm glad to hear admin would be saving a seat for me.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 21, 2009 11:42 PM

To get back on topic...

....so.....

Are newbies eligable for votes?

Posted by: Friar at March 21, 2009 11:43 PM

We need photos.

Out yourself on facebook!

Posted by: figgy at March 21, 2009 11:45 PM

I did and my life has never been the same. Figs won't leave me alone. (Sorry Buc).

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 11:47 PM

SLANDER!

Posted by: figgy at March 21, 2009 11:49 PM

Who was the one that was all "Hey Figgy, here are some naked photos of me! What do you think of this pose? Too George Costanza? How about this Kate Winslet in Titanic pose?" until I had to say "admin, please stop it. I am a decent girl and I won't be having any of this"?

Hmmm?

Posted by: figgy at March 21, 2009 11:52 PM

Out yourself on facebook!

I don't respond well to peer pressure! *cries*

Posted by: Kayanne at March 21, 2009 11:54 PM

Please? Kayanne.

I was only responding to your incessant please, for my hot bod.

And the money order for $49.95.

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 11:57 PM

Ha! *Pleas*

Posted by: admin at March 21, 2009 11:58 PM

Interesting info, figgy. Good to know.

*crosses cheating IIB off of Top 5 list*

Posted by: Lainey at March 22, 2009 12:01 AM

I would never do that to AvB!

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 12:01 AM

Oh wait, that's Lainey. I can't keep track of everyone's IIBs and IIGs...

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 12:02 AM

incessant please[sic], for my hot bod

... you can read my mind!!???! Quick, what am I thinking right now.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 12:03 AM

Shoes.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 12:03 AM

Kayanne, I say to hell with those jealous bitches. Yes, they are your friends, but that doesn't mean they aren't going to give you a lil' judgmental guilt trip to keep those thighs hidden.

As for the heels, 3.5 inches is good. Anything over that is a little skeezy.

I say show me what you're working with.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at March 22, 2009 12:05 AM

What the fuck FIIG? She asks, nay, pays,/i> for the sugar and I'm not supposed to give her a taste of this sweet, sweet stuff?

Meanwhile your fantasizing about drunken orations and chicken-clawed sex with a double-jointed limbo champion. Talk about a double standard

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 12:12 AM

Well I wasn't, admin but Mr.L.O.V.E. brought it up again, so...

As for the heels, 3.5 inches is good. Anything over that is a little skeezy.

Anything over that and I'm 6'2". That makes me nervous. But on the plus side, when I wear heels like that I slouch less, because there's no way the guys who are my height (5'10") could maybesortof pass for taller than me.

Maybe, maybe, I'll go on facebook and show off, but we'll see. No promises, kiddies.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 12:12 AM

Wow, that preview really doesn't help if you don't look at it.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 12:13 AM

Ha! What's the additional "F" for admin, my dear? I certainly hope it's a term of endearment.

Hey! SOBER orations are acceptable, too and it's a turkey claw. Ok?

You're still my favorite especially because even though you're kinda' slutty.

Posted by: Lainey at March 22, 2009 12:19 AM

Hahaha ok I give in. I don't want to break the true love I have for Lainey.

And admin, who doesn't want some of your sugar? but, alas, I shall have to stare from afar.

My top 5:

1.bucdaddy. He's my commander (HA)
2. Jeremy. Our love can never be, but I love him just the same.
3. Prisco. He is awesome in so many ways.
4. Skitz. No explanation needed.
5.Jay. We never agree on anything, but I like the smartypants. And the glasses.

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 12:21 AM

Oh I thought he had misspelled "Fig". He just has me on the brain...

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 12:22 AM

Anything over that and I'm 6'2".

Kayanne's stock couldn't be doing better with me right now, whereas sadly figgy is taking a tumble entirely due to my jealousy.

Posted by: branded at March 22, 2009 12:28 AM

I thought so too, figgy and then I realized that it was IIG with an F in front of it. I'm hoping the "F" stands for "Fantasy" or "Fuckingawesome" and not something like "Freak" or "Fugly"...this could end up being a sad night.

Thanks for having my back, fig. You my girl!

Posted by: Lainey at March 22, 2009 12:34 AM

Former, Lainey. But seeing as you are accepting of my whorishness availability, we're still golden.

I stand corrected on the claw issue. I tend to get my fowles mixed up.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 12:34 AM

Damn, branded, I didn't know!

I would gladly open up a 6th spot for you. Because of the whole you're-a-handsome-devil-thing.

Hmmm. I need more vodka.

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 12:35 AM

Mmmm, and Prisco has those muttonchops goin' on... hot. Totally hot. I love me some hot muttonchop action.

and Jay, with the glasses, and the utter adorableness.... and smart dudes are hot.

And Jeremy my love, so so cute and nice & young, you know how I love the young 'uns, plus with the kickboxing and the muscley goodness.

I'm pretty sure that Skitz & Wendel and Pookie and BSlim are totally out of my league, though. *sigh*

Oh, kids, there's no need for jealousy! We can all share. It'll be fun! P.S. I'm not drunk at all.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 22, 2009 12:36 AM

Kayanne's stock couldn't be doing better with me right now

Guys who respect tall ladies make me swoon.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 12:37 AM

I'm only 5'3", but I really can't wear heels very long, I'm too much of a slob. But when I do, damn! They make everything look good. I envy your tallness.

Whee vodka!

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 12:40 AM

You know what the issue I have is? There are just way too many sexy brains around here.

Quoth, the figgy, "Whee rum!"

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 12:44 AM

I'm glad to see that we all share a similar BAC.

I've nothing against shorter women, but I'm 6'3" dammit.
Time to bang out my list, and be the first male to make the mistake of ranking the Paheebans.

Posted by: branded at March 22, 2009 12:46 AM

No strappy sandals,
---
That's a deal-breaker.

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 22, 2009 12:47 AM

I envy your tallness.

Eh, don't. I love my body and wouldn't change a thing. But I've found in general being a lady 5'5" or under gets much better reception from the tall menfolk. It's strange, the guys like 5'7" to 6' totally respect the legs and such, but once they get past 6'2" they want em at least 8 inches shorter.

Although I really came into my own one night at a dance when a shorter guy and I were talking/flirting. I asked why shorter guys like dancing with taller girls. His response: "The view is great." Yea, if I could stare at my boobs all day, I would, too.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 12:51 AM

6'3"? So, uh, hi there, Branded. How you doin'?

Posted by: Lainey at March 22, 2009 12:53 AM

1.bucdaddy. He's my commander (HA)
---
I'm happy to be your commander, figgylucious, but I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the Commanist Party.

I'm not making this up, someone I was working with tonight was eating Fig Newtons. They're fruit and cake! Mmmmmmmmm!

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 22, 2009 12:53 AM

No strappy sandals,
---
That's a deal-breaker.

I didn't mean, no strappy sandals, in general, buc. I just meant with those ensembles, I haven't rocked a pair, yet. But I have them and love them. I got a new pair for the wedding I'm a bride's maid in that I love. *sigh* I cannot wait to rock those on the dance floor.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 12:55 AM

Oof, I look awesome in strappy sandals.

I like my men very tall. My fiance (the real one, not one of my IIBs) is 6'1", but I don't even notice the height difference anymore. I like being short, we can sneak around a lot more easily...

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 12:55 AM

Yea, at 6'3"... I think I'd climb you like a tree. Short skirted attire at your behest.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 12:58 AM

OOoh fig newtons! I know I have some in the kitchen. Hmm..I wonder how they'd taste with the screwdrivers I keep drinking...hell, can't hurt to try.

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 12:58 AM

Well yay for the fucking tall men and the women that love them. And you wonder why us shorter dudes have a complex.

Go to hell with your adonis like stature branded, you go to hell and you die!

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 1:04 AM

Ugh, now I'm going to have to buy some fig newtons tomorrow. Thanks for reminding me about their deliciousness, y'all. Mmmm so moist and fig-full. I do miss the european figolus, though. Those are extra-special delicious.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 1:04 AM

Oh, yay for the fucking tall guys and the women that love them; And you wonder why us shorter dudes have a complex.

branded, you take your Adonis like stature and go to hell. You go to hell and you die!

Strappy sandals are fine. As long as they have a 2 inch heel or better. (and your feet aren't nasty)

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 1:11 AM

figgy eating Fig Newtons is tough to wrap my brain around. It's sort of autoerotic cannibalism, isn't it?

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 22, 2009 1:11 AM

Sorry, there was some fuckery going on there.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 1:13 AM

Awwww, admin! Don't get all frustrated. There is nothing wrong with being a shorter guy. I've got love for all statures as long as they respect mine.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 1:16 AM

strappy sandals ... I have them and love them.
---
K, We'd be back on, except ...
---
Oof, I look awesome in strappy sandals.
---
fig, what you do to me.

*grows to 6-foot-3 while lying down*

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 22, 2009 1:18 AM

I can't help it if anything with fig in it is inherently awesome.

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 1:19 AM

You certainly can't.

Night, all.

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 22, 2009 1:24 AM

Aw, night bucaroo! This was fun. Let's do it again sometime.

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 1:26 AM

*shrugs* I'll peddle my sexy feet elsewhere. But you've got the right idea:

Sleep time.

Enjoy your continued tread hijacking, y'all!

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 1:26 AM

Damn you all and your eastern time zones!

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 1:28 AM

according to martha stewart:


Gorgonzola cheese meets dried figs poached in port. The result: a thoroughly elegant holiday appetizer.

Posted by: gp at March 22, 2009 1:28 AM

See? inherently awesome. Like me.

Goodnight, lovelies.

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 1:34 AM

Seems like everyone is heading for sleepytime.
I've narrowed my list down to eight because eight is a nice round number.
I wish I could choose you all.
8. Lainey
7. twig
6. Genny
5. Julie
4. Sofia
3. s. pisaster
2. Kayanne
1. Kolby

Posted by: branded Adonis at March 22, 2009 1:43 AM

Nice one Mr. Adonis. I'll throw mine up in a bit.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 1:57 AM

Only One?! C'mon?! Where's Sofia? I need this.
But fuck you guys! Pajiba-Con North is happening right now in Mt. Pleasant Michigan. And you're not invited. (Battgirl lives right down the street, who knew? [She doesn't post alot and she's a little self-conscious about it but I'm outing her right now! Muahaha] And we're having a blast even if I do like to make fun of her for never making EE) Ouch!

Hey everyone, battgirl here! Optimus and I are having a grand old time up here in the frigid north, we don't need your your damn cupcake vans, and bar/movie theaters! We have ... umm...
well... Quiznos! Yeah! take that!
Optimus: Booyah, it just opened. It's that Fresh shit, yo. Toasty.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme (and Battgirl) at March 22, 2009 2:01 AM

Pajibacon: Adventureland
Pajibacon North: Motherfuckin' Teeth, the beautiful story of a girl with a killer vagina.
Optimus: Motherfuckin' Teeth, The TERRIFYING story of a girl with a killer vagina.
But for reals, I kept switching between laughing my ass off and squirming away from the screen.
battgirl: It's true. I think he almost cried. I felt bad for the guy.
Optimus: I had legitimate problems with that movie.
battgirl: I had to assure him that vagina dentata only occurs in about 1 out of 10 women.
Optimus Rhyme: Every weekend is a game of Russian Roulette for me.

Posted by: battgirl (and Optimus Rhyme) at March 22, 2009 3:49 AM

Huh,.....word.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 5:18 AM

I like Dollhouse. Mr. Julian T. Mancock and I will EAT YOU if you don't approvooooeve.

Posted by: Lucas at March 22, 2009 6:03 AM

the hell happened in here? Some of us have to work today!

I've got love for all statures

You can't backpedal now. You like em tall, they don't like you, you don't like us....Love Stinks.

And look at bucdaddy and I completely agreeing. But then I loathe sandals completely and in all forms on all people. So spring is naturally a time of joy for me. Here I am getting sad about having take my sweater off after noon while simultaneously filling with nature's amorous ardor which just produces frustrating dreams (if anything good happens my failsafe kicks in and I wake up, though I actually kissed someone the other night!) and a reminder that I'm unmarried. Yeah....I feel so renewed.

Any more cold fronts on the way?

Thank you, Ms. BP and Ms. boom-boom. Muah!

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 9:05 AM

Good morning Jay, I trust you slept well last night? Shall we begin?

Posted by: Pookie at March 22, 2009 9:19 AM

Not that I'm free of prejudice, I don't like being a lot taller. But hey, I'm pragmatic.

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 9:44 AM

I go out for a night, and I come back to this?

Pink Hulk and Jeremy rounding up Pajiban boy toys?

Sofia looks like that (sorry, have yet to Facestalk)?

admin is a FEMALE?!

AND I STILL GET NO CYBER-ACTION?!?!

WHAT

THE

FUCK?!?!?!?!?!

Posted by: Vermillion at March 22, 2009 9:46 AM

I am not backpeddlin', mister! I'm just truth-telling. Really, I don't care how tall you are, as long as you extend me the same favor. But whatever, I've had this discussion here with another tall lady... But I can't remember her handle.

Oh well, branded I'll take being second to the lady that made the world's cutest baby, any day.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 9:50 AM

Vermillion you need to start showing some love and love will be shown in return.

Speaking of... Where's my Robin?

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 9:51 AM

Sorry, Vivi, but I can't help it if my youthful good looks and rockin' ass make me the Pajiban of choice for bicurious experimentation!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at March 22, 2009 10:46 AM

Wha...?

I don't even make your top 8, branded?

*sigh* Well, at least I know Jay will have a glass of wine and cuddle with me. If he's not too busy making out!! Good on ya, handsome *only slightly jealous* !

P.S. Verm, you haven't been about much, lately... How do you expect people to want to fake cyber make out with you? You have to be fake cyber available, my friend. You are quite eloquent, I'm certain you'll have no trouble.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 22, 2009 10:51 AM

That's the toughest part about rounding it down, AvB. But you were definitely right in the 6 to 9 range.

Posted by: branded Adonis at March 22, 2009 11:04 AM

well... Quiznos! Yeah! take that!
Optimus: Booyah, it just opened.
---
We just had two close here. Waaaaah! You bastards stole my Quiznos! I'm coming up there in the MurderSub to take it back.
---
Kayanne, I've been giving your fashion issues a lot of thought, and I've arrived at the conclusion you would look absolutely the best you can/will ever look in your life if you wear this and nothing else:

One (1) WBNS T-shirt (size: tall) that I have won for you with my blinding eloquence.

Two (2) strappy sandals with heels.

But as smashing as you will look, and you will look fabulous, I shall be immune to your charms as long as the mouth-wateringly awesome figgy will have me.

Reminds me: I've heard a theory that the Adam and Eve "apple" responsible for introducing sin and lust to all mankind was really a ... wait for it ... fig.

I'm not surprised.

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 22, 2009 11:04 AM

What is this "making out" you speak of?

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 11:18 AM

Hey, Slim, check it out, the annual "World's 10 Worst Dictators" list is in Parade today. Lessee ... Mugabe, uh-huh ... al-Bashir, Jintao, Kim Jong Il, Qaddafi, yeah ... HEY! Where's Rowles? I don't see Rowles here ANYwhere.

*grumble*

And somehow I never make People's "50 Most Beautiful People" list either.

Fuckin' liberal media.

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 22, 2009 11:25 AM

Oh, did you mean in a dream? I read too fast sometimes...

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 22, 2009 11:27 AM

Wanna hook up with those 18+ hot models, sexy girls and handsome guys, just join the best and largest tall dating club: ~~~~Tallmingle.COM~~~~~ , We bring together tall-dating minded singles from USA, UK, Canada, Australia, Europe and more. Come on, have a try! Join for FREE.

Posted by: sally at March 22, 2009 11:48 AM

Why the fuck would we join Tallmingle when we already have about a million pajibans who would gladly fuck us stupid?

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at March 22, 2009 11:54 AM

Good Morning, Tallmingle! How did you sleep?

Posted by: gp at March 22, 2009 11:58 AM

Well, the dream didn't even get that far, really. I'm not sure I know what the term actually means anymore. No, it was all pretty tame, but I was being flirted with in an assertive yet friendly manner, to which I responded, and it was all so refreshingly easy! None of that mindreading having to make the first move junk. Oy gevalt!

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 12:15 PM

Hey, speak for yourself, Mango! Some of us need help!

Now where's that AverageMingle bot already? Come on!

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 12:16 PM

Jay, you’re so annoying. Nice broach you’re wearing though.

Posted by: Pookie at March 22, 2009 12:42 PM

MMmm. Nothing like waking up to flattery.

*preens*

I'm eagerly waiting for my WBNS shirt, and then there shall be much posing.

branded, I'm hurt. I even made up a 6th place for you!

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 12:47 PM

Vermillion, you can be my 7th! In fact, I'm gonna have a top 10 just because, and other participants may join the List of the Hallowed as soon as I am bribed with compliments and/or chocolate.

buc, I wouldn't be surprised if that's true. We are very tempting. But again, not my fault if people do crazy things for our awesomeness.

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 12:50 PM

Wow...look at all the fun I've missed. Tall girls in short skirts. People going gay for one another. And someone wants to watch someone else jerk off?!

BTW, I did see the movie last night. It was funny and cute and smart and most of the other qualities that Apatow's disciples have been putting in their movies for a while now. Ironically enough I connected more with Segel's character (probably cause I'm single and most of my friends are married and have kids. It's how you end up at an Irish bar drinking by yourself on St. Paddy's Day).

Oh and as to Kayanne's question: at 5'10'' your legs are going to draw a lot of attention, so pick a skirt that accents them.

Posted by: Fredo at March 22, 2009 12:50 PM

Indeed, married friends are the pits because all of their friends are married and so on and so on... And then there's square peg me. Utterly useless matchmakers! But, well, shit happens after the mid-20s, what are ya gonna do?

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 12:57 PM

5.Pookie
4.Pookie
3.Katherine Heigl
2.Pookie
1.Moi

Posted by: Pookie at March 22, 2009 12:59 PM

I don't find that at all surprising. Except...Heigl? really? ew.

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 1:21 PM

Heigl is super hot, why wouldn't I want to tap that?

Posted by: Pookie at March 22, 2009 1:25 PM

And someone wants to watch someone else jerk off?!

No, someone wants to watch someone else watching some other person jerk off. Try to keep up, man.

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at March 22, 2009 1:33 PM

Firstly, if admin is a female, that is one ugly bitch.

Secondly, I think admin enjoys warm, moist places; that may, on occasion, become sandy.

Thirdly, begin the lynching.

10. - boo
9.9 - Marra
9.8 - Wednesday
9.6 - figgy
9.5 - AvB
9. - Kolby
8.75 - Dammitjanet
8.5 - AB
8. - popejenn
7.5 - jM
7. - meaux
6.5 - GaR
6.2 - AlabamaPink
6. - Jaimiepants
5.5 - s.pisaster
5. - Sofia
4.5 - Kayanne
4. - Sarina
3.5 - Nicole
3. - Pants
2.5 - Replica
2. - Julie
1.5 - Lainey

And what you've all been waiting for......

#1

Boomarrawednesdayfiggyavbkolbydammit-janetabpopejennjmmeauxgartwothati'mmissing-alabamapinkjaimiepantsspisastersofia-kayannesarinanicolepantsreplicajulielainey.

A tablespoon of Ranylt, a pinch of Beadhead and a sprinkle of Nosek. For flavour.

Thats right I'd do all y'all. And I am not a whore! Right now.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 1:37 PM

*Bedhead*

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 1:38 PM

And someone wants to watch someone else jerk off?!

No, someone wants to watch someone else watching some other person jerk off. Try to keep up, man.

See what I mean? This is turning out to be more sordid than a Mexican soap opera!

Posted by: Fredo at March 22, 2009 1:41 PM

I had said earlier that one of my kinks was having a woman watch me jerk off, which in hindsight doesn’t seem all that unusual.

Posted by: Pookie at March 22, 2009 1:41 PM

Her vagina eats people Pookie.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 1:53 PM

Well played, admin.

Don't know, Pooks, I thought you'd go with someone more....more MORE. Someone with more oomph, I guess. She seems kind of bland to me. Plus, her vagina does eat people. And she kills rainbows.

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 2:04 PM

I like my women understated figgy, and what is this about my Katherine killing rainbows?

Posted by: Pookie at March 22, 2009 2:16 PM

*sniff*

Ta, admin. A diplomat, you are. If I got it on with every Pajiboy/girl whose comment I adored, I'd be Paris (Valtrex McNippleSpud or whatever) by now.

Posted by: replica at March 22, 2009 2:21 PM

Know what I really like to think about? Newbies searching for reviews and meandering down the comment threads of 'this cool new site they found with great writing and comments that...uh... .'

Posted by: replica at March 22, 2009 2:24 PM

Ahem, I believe you mean Wonky McValtrex? Show some respect!

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 2:25 PM

Word, Jay.

Replica, I like to wonder what the people in the Eastern hemisphere must think of us.

I can just see President Putin in his office going, "See, See!"

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 2:30 PM

Replica, if they don't stick around after "Wonky McValtrex" then they aren't our kind of people.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at March 22, 2009 2:40 PM

DAAAAAMN straight.

and further, I am humbled at your superior knowledge. I shall not cross my memes again. It would be bad.

Posted by: replica at March 22, 2009 2:54 PM

Oh I just read Dlisted too much, always hoping for a new "What in the hell kind of GD outfit is this?" post. Course if you're really lucky you get a new White Oprah post.

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 3:19 PM

Yes. I do wonder if Dustin reads through all this stuff and wonders where it all went wrong? There was some mighty eloquence going on there for a while - maybe it's just because all the source material has gone completely derivative with all the content cannibalism. We wrest what juice we can, I'd say, but then our base nature comes to play.

What else have we to do but practice Pookie's Pajiba Forum? Letters Of Intent Edition?

Posted by: replica at March 22, 2009 3:26 PM

Replica, I can say without a doubt that Rowles enjoys reading all of my post because after all he does get bored reading the majority of the pajibian’s mind numbing and pretentious treaties on the art of movie making.

Posted by: Pookie at March 22, 2009 3:41 PM

*and by source material, I mean The Industry not my website authorin' heroes. (dun dun dun)(*and derriere smootches)

Posted by: replica at March 22, 2009 3:45 PM

Pookie, you ARE a cultural zeitgeist all my your own self. That's why we love you. And other emotions.

Posted by: replica at March 22, 2009 3:47 PM

by. sigh.

Posted by: replica at March 22, 2009 3:48 PM

Loved by many, but understood by few.

Posted by: Pookie at March 22, 2009 3:52 PM

buc! I can't believe you get me all dressed up for a lovely evening only to leave me hanging out to dry. Hmph. Fine, go have your figs!

And thank you, Fredo! Although my brother has a friend by the same name so every time I see your handle I get nervous. But whatever!

admin that was cute. Jay Dlisted is way too addicting for it's own good. And Pooks has to love Heigle cause no one else will.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 3:54 PM

It's what I love about this place and the commenters so much; we have some great, real, serious discussions, but then we also have lengthy discussions on things like orgies, who we want to bang, and blue penises.

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 3:54 PM

Kayanne, I assure you my definition of love is so different from yours, trust me.

Posted by: Pookie at March 22, 2009 3:59 PM

Don't forget Macho Nachos. Sorry figs, I'm not as skillfully diplomatic as admin. You're easily top 10.

Posted by: branded at March 22, 2009 4:00 PM

Pooks, please, please, please enlighten me as to how you define love. I feel like it would be an education worth more than what that university gave me.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 4:12 PM

What diplomacy?

It's all part of my new cloning experiment. Ladies, please send samples of your DNA to Canada. Don't worry, I'll get them, there are only twelve of us here.

I'm going to make a Pajibette Hybrid. Then do unspeakable things to her.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 4:30 PM

But you know that in the end you'll find that your heart truly belongs to those heretofore less-exciting-seeming local girls and you'll realize that the Pajibette hybrid wanted to teach you that lesson all along.

I can't promise that you'll encounter Michael Berryman though.

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 5:00 PM

Jason Segal and Seth Rogen switched bodies huh? Now Jason's fat and Seth is skinnier! Anyway, I'll try not to be superficial and say that I had the feeling their chemistry might work, Paul Rudd has made quite the comeback and he had even better film chemistry with Seth Rogen in Knocked Up. But that's not saying a whole lot. I just watched Pineapple Express and thought it was TERRIBLE. I may have to watch it again when I'm too stoned to care about quality or what makes it funny to half the U.S. population.

Posted by: ph at March 22, 2009 5:03 PM

It's just a bad still, he's not fat now.

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 5:05 PM

And thank you, Fredo! Although my brother has a friend by the same name so every time I see your handle I get nervous. But whatever!

You don't mean, little Steve? With the thin mustache and the cleft foot?

We used to spend summers at Eagle River.

Posted by: Fredo at March 22, 2009 5:08 PM

And yes that was a joke.

Posted by: Fredo at March 22, 2009 5:08 PM

Just...wow. And thanks, admin. I always wanted to be someone's #3.5!

I need to go rinse my eyes in bleach now.

Posted by: Nicole at March 22, 2009 5:21 PM

Haha, Fredo so you haven't met my brother... But I feel like I've met this "Steve."

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 5:26 PM

Kayanne, this new knowledge of your Amazonian physique has completely changed our feud. I'm fairly sure you could look me straight in the eye. In Heels you could lift a mighty foot and crush me like a bug.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at March 22, 2009 5:27 PM

Uh, well duh. I'm not gonna pick on someone who's ass I couldn't kick! Sheesh. But, why do I get the impression that you'd be down with that sort of thing? Admit it La Pfeiffer as Catwoman changed your life and opened your eyes to the world of Femme Fatales.

But as I always say: that costs extra.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 5:39 PM

Nawww, Sarah Douglas. She was scary, plus an outright misandrist...with short dark hair and fair skin. I was fucked from the start.

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 5:55 PM

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 1:37 PM

Damn, who the hell do I have to fuck to get someone to want to fuck me around here?

Posted by: SaBrina at March 22, 2009 5:57 PM

Man...I spend all week debating nerdy sci-fi in the Battlestar Galatica thread and I miss Kayanne talking about her sexy feet and climbing guys like trees.

Just last week she was my dot.

Damn you, Edward James Olmos! I blame you for this!

/is 6'1"

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 5:58 PM

*hugs Jake*

I was looking for you! I needed someone to put me in his number one spot.

Hey, Jay! WAPSSSHHHH!! That's the sound of a whip cracking... Ya know, in case you missed it.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 6:02 PM

Yeah, I'm too short for you anyway. Plus I've never been one for actual pain, just some of the costuming! I am just flat out scared of Sarah Douglas.

And Sabrina, you can't complain if there's any real world action, that's just the rules.

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 6:07 PM

Numbered spots are pointless if there's only one slot.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 6:07 PM

*swoons*

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 6:11 PM

Sabrina, I'll fuck you. But its going to have to be at your place. Have a cold beer waiting for me. And try to keep the talkie talk to a minimum.

Oh, and I'm leaving right after were done, though I do expect you to have some freshly baked brownies ready to go.

By the way, if its not too much to ask, I'm bringing some laundry over. You don't have to fold the underwear or socks though.

Thanks.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at March 22, 2009 6:15 PM

I guess it's redundant to say that I am a fan of the high heels at this point.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 6:16 PM

so... anyone see any good movies this weekend?
i watched "a streetcar named desire" and 4/6 of the 7 Up series.

"streetcar..." is always great fun. blanche is hilarious and i love the long scenes of delicious dialogue. plays adapt to the screen so much better than do novels. also,i've never seen a hollywood actor top brando's combination of talent and hotness.
like, jebus.

the 7 up series is fascinating and depressing all at once.
i look forward to viewing the 42 and 49 installments, and then 56 in 2011. i'm rooting for john, the conservative prep school snob, to end up in tony's cab in which he'll be taken to Jackie's and forced to watch eastenders and eat lard sandwiches. and then be killed by neil, who forgot to take his meds.

Posted by: celery at March 22, 2009 6:25 PM

Noted, Dearest Jake. Any other requests?

And how do you feel about short skirts?

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 6:28 PM

Sabrina, you missed this part:

"twothati'mmissing"

Celery, I had to see Bolt. I blame that for last nights debauchery.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 6:31 PM

Well seeing as how I love you for your mind, you can wear whatever you'd like, m'lady.


/Sir Gawain'd that answer

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 6:33 PM

Great answer, but I'm not cursed like Ragnelle, sugar.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 6:57 PM

Well then, show off the stems, I say.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 7:01 PM

You first.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 7:17 PM

If only m'lady outted herself on Facebook, I'd switch my profile pic to my freshmen year-standing-in-little-heart-designed-boxers photo.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 7:19 PM

*sigh* always the wanting, never the wanted...

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 22, 2009 7:20 PM

Wait, nevermind. Just click my name.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 7:22 PM

You people are depraved.

Posted by: Friar at March 22, 2009 7:23 PM

More deprived than depraved, really.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at March 22, 2009 7:32 PM

L.O.V.E. summed that up really well. So much so, in fact, that I post six year old photos of me in my underwear. I'm like a pasty-legged Miley Cyrus right there showing my stuff off to make girls like me.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 7:34 PM

Aw, Jake... Desperation doesn't smell good on anyone! Be proud of your ridiculous boxer-wearing ways.

I only wish I was more similarly attired. But hey, strappy sandals are good, right?

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 7:47 PM

Errr, I should also mention that my friend who took the picture was working on her photography skills at the time. I'm not often hanging out in fields looking like an emo kid.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 7:49 PM

All other issues aside, there's nothing wrong with pasty.

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 7:50 PM

Weird, I saw a teenage girl who looked just like you a few hours ago at work. She had on a Veggie Tales t-shirt though. That was a little sad.

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 7:52 PM

*Gulp*

Kayanne wins.

Also, thank you Jay. I am proud of that photo. It typifies my extraordinary ability to make myself unable to run for public office in the future without having to answer a lot of really, really awkward questions.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 7:53 PM

DAMN!

and pasty is my nom de plume.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 7:54 PM

All other issues aside, there's nothing wrong with pasty.

Mmmmmmmmmm...all that delicious meat, potatoes, and onions.
Truth be told, I'm not a fan of turnips or rutabagas in my pasty.

Posted by: branded at March 22, 2009 7:55 PM

I will forever be in the UP's debt for introducing me to pasties.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 7:56 PM

Damn...this place is full of pretty people. Hurrah for another hot pajibette!

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 7:57 PM

How do you pronounce "Pajiba" anyway?

Does it rhyme with "birthplace for hedonistic,homo/auto erotic, sexual fantasies"?

What does auto erotic mean?

Posted by: Friar at March 22, 2009 7:58 PM

Ya know, Jay, it's interesting that you would say that. I can only ever think of myself as "Plain Jane," because soooo many people I know say I "look just like so-and-so" they met once or went to camp with or, yadda yadda. And then I see pictures of those people and I'm like... "Well she has brown hair." Anyway, I'm pretty much the most nondescript person I know.

But I don't own a Veggie Tales shirt and I'm not a Teenager, to answer your unasked question.

And instead of pasty, how about porcelain? It's much softer sounding.

Jake I win nothing. But you called my bluff so I had to show my hand. *shrugs* Wasn't expecting it, but oh well.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 7:59 PM

Oh now you're just takin the piss, Friar!

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 7:59 PM

*high fives Figgy* Thank you for welcoming me into the sisterhood!

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 8:00 PM

"birthplace for (My) hedonistic, homo/auto erotic, fantasies"

*fix'd*

Posted by: Friar at March 22, 2009 8:00 PM

There is still nothing wrong with pasty, though it always seems to be used by pale women full of disgusting self-loathing and talking about.....tanning.

But unasked question? Come onnnn, gimme some credit, you know I know you better than that.

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 8:02 PM

Did somebody say auto erotic asphyxiation?

I love pasties as well, but they tend to get stuck to the roof of your mouth.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 8:02 PM

This is why it is always important to keep an embarrassing photo of you trying to look dignified in boxers that your mother bought you for Valentine's Day on hand so that you can win a dare made to you by a beautiful girl with long legs and cute florally-patterned sandals.

Also the internet has eroded my sense of shame.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 8:04 PM

damn you all...I entered the room at exactly the wrong time. Now I want pasty but I don't have the patience (or ingredients) to make it. And I would have sex with you AvB. Your cleavage is glorious.

Posted by: s. pisaster at March 22, 2009 8:04 PM

Yea, yea, Jay you may know me, but Jake knows how to flatter.

And I'm proud of being porcelain. Not pasty. Weirdly enough, I tan well when I'm active about it, but I don't like sitting out for hours just trying to get tan.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 8:07 PM

My plaid boxers certainly seem dull in comparison, and I have no hearts on hand, but I do have a few pairs with green jack-J's and clubs on them. I don't know who else on earth would buy them.

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 8:07 PM

Pasties, auto erotic asphyxiation and sexual frustration... I'm so happy to see I can enter the conversation at the same level I left it over a month ago.

Posted by: Pants at March 22, 2009 8:07 PM

Oh, yes, I tan really "well", the swarthy side comes up from under the WASP each year, but I try to avoid it, though I'm always amused by my two-tone arms in the summer. Still, I'm glad you're not bemoaning your complexion.

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 8:10 PM

Kind of like deja vu isn't it.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 8:11 PM

The advantages of being born with a tan...ooh, yeah.

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 8:11 PM

Sweet!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 22, 2009 8:11 PM

I see no problems at all with Kayanne's complexion. It was the stark contrast in my legs that I was talking about when I was mentioning "pasty". I feel bad now, like I inadvertently set off a "let's mock the clear people" witchhunt.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 8:12 PM

Thanks, Jay. The Italian and me plays out nicely when I let it. My brother, however, burns like a wick. Poor thing. How well, I can be pretty and pale. Besides, I prefer that to fake-bake orange and skin cancer.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 8:13 PM

Kind of like deja vu isn't it.

All over again.

Posted by: branded at March 22, 2009 8:15 PM

Jake, sugar, people have teased me for a thousand other things before. And that's on this site alone. I couldn't care less what they have to say about my skin tone.

figgy, you can hush with your sexy latina self.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 8:16 PM

P.S. Jay, I *heart* plaid. It's my favorite.

P.P.S. Kayanne is hot. Damn.

P.P.S. Kayanne, why is there a "V" on your top? Is it for vagina, because you are fiercely proud to have one?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 22, 2009 8:16 PM

*looks at pic of Kayanne*

*updates list*

1a. Sofia
1b. Kayanne

So, Kayanne, may I interests you in a trip to the short skirt/high heel emporium off the highway?

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at March 22, 2009 8:16 PM

"takin the piss"?

And here I thought pajibans were above urolagnia Fetishes...

Posted by: Friar at March 22, 2009 8:18 PM

"takin the piss"?

And here I thought pajibans were above urolagnia Fetishes...

Posted by: Friar at March 22, 2009 8:18 PM

Pajibans will fetishize whatever the hell we want.

/humps a sandal

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 8:19 PM

In all seriousness, one of you single guys out there should get going on that quick like.

By the way, has there been an actual Pajiba Love Connection yet?

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at March 22, 2009 8:19 PM

PANTS! There you are. Good to see you again.

Holy crap this has been hijacked to hell and back. Poor Dustin. He really must wonder why he leaves us alone without supervision.

Posted by: Lainey at March 22, 2009 8:20 PM

Does humping my laptop count?

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 8:20 PM

Does humping my laptop count?

Dude, you're getting a Delljob!

Posted by: branded at March 22, 2009 8:22 PM

I am so completely disturbed by all of you.

(p.s. It's a really good review, for any of you who bothered to read it).

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at March 22, 2009 8:23 PM

admin loved the review so much the computer screen got lucky.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 8:25 PM

Collectively? Above nothing.

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 8:26 PM

Yes, it is! Sorry Dan, really didn't mean to hijack your awesome review.

But what can you do? This is what happens when you let pajibans loose with no separate thread...

Posted by: figgy at March 22, 2009 8:26 PM

Pajiba has reviews?

So thats what the long paragraphs before the comments list are!

Posted by: Friar at March 22, 2009 8:27 PM

Poor Dustin, indeed. Trying to run a respectable film review site...

It really was a good review. Very nice. I like the Carlson boy.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 22, 2009 8:28 PM

I think Optimus and I are the token single straight guys.

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 8:28 PM

Sorry, I`m in the middle of getting my s**t Compaqted.


We all read the review Dustin. It is a really good review. I like Mr. Carlson. Did you know he kind of looks like that Rogen guy.

I broke my question mark.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 8:29 PM

In all seriousness, one of you single guys out there should get going on that quick like.

The sandal fetish...? I... I'm so confused.

Rowles, we read the review... Or at least the first few commentors (myself included) did. Go be a fuddy-duddy somewhere else, mister. Communist.

AvB while normally I'd never deny you anything... I'm reticent to tell.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 8:29 PM

Ooh, a *secret* V! How mysterious...

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at March 22, 2009 8:31 PM

Yes, Dustin, I did read the review.

Dan's excellent and refined reviews are always a welcomed respite from the typical crass drivel you spew on us.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at March 22, 2009 8:32 PM

It wanted it. Who was I to say no.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 8:33 PM

It wanted it. Who was I to say no.

You leave my sandals alone! I don't have time to spot clean them!!!

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 8:35 PM

I'm totally getting blamed for your sandals being all lusty. I tried to be good, I swear.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 8:37 PM

"I'm in the middle of getting my s**t Compaqted"

That made me laugh more than any well adjusted person should

Posted by: Friar at March 22, 2009 8:38 PM

Getting Compaqted sounds unpleasant, yet oddly appealing.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 8:39 PM

can only ever think of myself as "Plain Jane," because soooo many people I know say I "look just like so-and-so" they met once or went to camp with

Shit, Kayanne, we really are life-twins. People are always asking me if I'm related to someone they know. One guy even asked what my last name was, because he thought I was a Sabrina he used to know in high school.

Sabrina, you missed this part:

"twothati'mmissing"

Yeah, yeah. :)

Posted by: SaBrina at March 22, 2009 8:39 PM

Hi there Lainey! Yeah I have been very absent lately, and I won't be much fun tonight, since I desperately need to go get some sleep. But I am confident you'll hold down the filth fort...

Posted by: Pants at March 22, 2009 8:40 PM

You were flirting with me to get to my shoes. How could you?!

What next, Rhyme really isn't my mortal nemesis!!?? This world disgusts me.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 8:40 PM

I read the review, Mr. Man. It was very good and I'll likely see the movie.

I'd really be interested in reading a counter-review from The Boozehound. It would be a nice companion piece to see why he was of the (loudly) opposite opinion.

Posted by: Lainey at March 22, 2009 8:42 PM

Poor Dustin. He did make a token attempt to get us all to muck up Facebook instead, but there are a few holdouts being righteous about it, so here we are.

I kinda think we need a 'backend' to play with, no? A small thing to password protect a page with a few links...and imagine the fun of handing out the keys to select commenters? Slap that sucker up with a billion American Apparel ads to make it worthwhile. It (maybe) would leave a few of the reviews sully-free, at least the Friday ones...

heehee...backend.

Posted by: replica at March 22, 2009 8:42 PM

I mean...I mean...no.

Your shoes are only attractive to me cuz they're your shoes.

That makes perfect sense.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 8:43 PM

Hey now, don't sully the good name of shoes!

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 8:43 PM

replica you mean like a non-facebook forum?

Jake I don't know you any more. *sobs*

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 8:45 PM

I...I...

/gives the Crossing Guard a love letter to recite to you

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 8:51 PM

*mutters* We'll see... But you have to stop humping my shoes.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 8:57 PM

I think that is a fair request.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 9:01 PM

Don't do it Jake, it's a trap! First it's the shoes, then it's the hats pretty soon you won't even be able to hump anything.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 9:07 PM

You think...?

Lord have mercy when a guy only "thinks" it's fair when I ask him not to hump my shoes.

Hahaha, I think we can go back to depraved to describe the Pajiba men. But why would you hump a laptop...?

I don't understand...

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 9:08 PM

Whoa...hats? That's just disgusting.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 9:14 PM

I wouldn't I was merely asking to clarify what constitutes a Pajiba "hookup".

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 9:14 PM

Because I may or may not have hooked up with all of you.

Posted by: admin at March 22, 2009 9:19 PM

HA!

admin, I sincerely doubt a Pajiba hook-up constitutes a lonely night with a USB port.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 9:20 PM

Then what else is going on around here?

Posted by: Jay at March 22, 2009 9:21 PM

Hey, some of us prefer firewire.


/cannot stop myself from sounding creepy today. Jesus.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 9:21 PM

Ha. It is a smaller hole.

Ew, that grossed me out.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 9:26 PM

It's smaller, but faster. That doesn't even make sense. I've lost it.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 9:43 PM

Eh, both of us have lost it.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 22, 2009 10:34 PM

You're talking about "the funny" and not "that loving feeling. Whoa o oh, that loving feeling" I hope.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 22, 2009 10:40 PM

Kayanne - Yah, sorta. I guess we should just keep grossing out Dustin so he gives us the weekend threads. Way easier than setting up a sub-section for pervs.

I just figure that some Pajibans like to stay covert. But hell, even Skitz manages to stay a complete mystery on Facebook. Then again, the Facebook interface kinda sucks. And they are slightly nefarious with all the...'oh, we're not using all your highly personal information, likes/dislikes, and buying habits information for anything sneaky at all'. Nothing is ever for free, is it?

Also, I've got a bunch of creepy catholic ex-elementary school cheerleader chicks trying to get me to friend them right now. It's almost getting as bad as ducking phone calls on the damn thing. Wish I could redirect them to Skitz. :)

Posted by: replica at March 22, 2009 10:42 PM

i'll see this tomorrow but can't help but chuckle at critics conformity in worshiping at the altar of judd apatow and, now, paul rudd. i like rudd and his work but he now occupies that special niche which finds critics parking their objectivity at the door.
the compendium of reviews on rotten tomatos cites apatow again and again even though he had nothing to do with this film. it is as if the reviewers are angry that a movie they found entertaining wasn't directed by apatow and their annoying references were their way of saying " i love you, man ".

Posted by: snake at March 22, 2009 10:57 PM

Admin, my feelings are hurt. I know that I have not posted in a while, but still.

It hurts.

Posted by: Melody at March 22, 2009 11:53 PM

Once again, my dear Melody:

"twothati'mmissing"

Posted by: admin at March 23, 2009 12:21 AM

R*wles, I read the review and the review convinced me to see the movie, and I liked the movie. Thanks, D*stin! Thanks, Pajiba! I am forever in your debt.

Happy now? YOU didn't keep our deal to put up a free-for-all thread every weekend, so you have no one to blame but yourself. So quit being a whiny bitch and bring me a beer.

Now I have to find this photo of Kayanne everyone's talking about, so I can envision her slinky hotness in a WBNS T-shirt that ends 1/10 inch below her vagooter, a T-shirt I shall gallantly and eloquently and inevitably win for her.

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 23, 2009 1:10 AM

*pants explode*

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 23, 2009 1:14 AM

Saw the movie. I was surprised to find out that I didn't really enjoy it.... I can't really pinpoint it though. I just didn't find myself laughing until the whole billboard thing.

I wouldn't recommend it, and I'm pretty shocked that this is the first time I've disagreed with a review posted here at Pajiba.

Posted by: Allen at March 23, 2009 4:50 AM

dustin, i at least tried to steer the conversation toward movies. nobody bit.

i passed up free tickets to see "i love you man" because i knew how much i would hate it. the review, while well written and interesting, only confirmed my decision.

Posted by: celery at March 23, 2009 7:11 AM

"The doctor said I wouldn't get so many nosebleeds
if I just kept my finger outta there."

just had to throw another Ralph-ism in there.

Posted by: Perl at March 23, 2009 8:52 AM

bucdaddy, I believe you saw Jake's submission. I'm sure he appreciates your enthusiasm for his boxers, but I'm the one a few comments down.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 23, 2009 10:16 AM

I was pleasantly suprised by the review, and not at all surprised by the comments that followed. Pajibans are, by nature, a nasty-ass bunch of pervs.

And, HEL-lo:

I've narrowed my list down to eight because eight is a nice round number.
I wish I could choose you all.
8. Lainey
7. twig
6. Genny
5. Julie
4. Sofia
3. s. pisaster
2. Kayanne
1. Kolby

branded, I wuv you.

Posted by: Kolby at March 23, 2009 10:40 AM

I do, actually, appreciate that. Thank you bucdaddy.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 23, 2009 10:42 AM

bucdaddy, I believe you saw Jake's submission. I'm sure he appreciates your enthusiasm for his boxers, but I'm the one a few comments down.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 23, 2009 10:16 AM
---
I do, actually, appreciate that. Thank you bucdaddy.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 23, 2009 10:42 AM
---
Um, no, I'm pretty sure I saw the right one, unless Jake was wearing the letter "V" over his racktacular bosoms. FWIW, my eyes exploded too.

*redoubles EE efforts*

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 23, 2009 11:50 AM

Just noting here that this is the 375th comment, and that while this has become one of the longest-running and most-commented (and, therefore, most ad-eyeballed) threads in Pajiba history, it would have died about 350 comments ago if I hadn't thrown out the Mr./Ms. Pajiba question, which apparently would have made Rowl*s happy, which I don't understand in the least.

Damn, that's one long sentence, but I'm workin' those commas for YOU fig, because, like you, they have such cute little tails.

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 23, 2009 12:04 PM

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN HERE?!

Posted by: Julie at March 23, 2009 12:06 PM

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN HERE?!

It's your classic story of parents gone out of town on vacation over the weekend so the kids throw a party. Only then it takes a turn when someone brings absinthe, a donkey, and 10 gallons of Miracle Whip. In the end, we all leave bleary-eyed with significantly less dignity than before, but having gained firsthand experience of how to dispose of a body.

Posted by: branded at March 23, 2009 12:20 PM

I figured this one had died! I almost missed that picture of my nemesis. But now that she has revealed herself, The Hunt Begins.
(And Jay, I'm sure we're not the only single straight guys around here. But I have started using your phrase "Incompetent Heterosexual" when asked.)

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at March 23, 2009 1:01 PM

Sweet. Christ. I... I... what Julie said.

Posted by: Skitz at March 23, 2009 1:16 PM

O.R., I likes me the vagina

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at March 23, 2009 1:16 PM

Just because I (jokingly) talked about having sex with Kayanne's shoes does not mean that I am anything other that a red-blooded straight.

I mean, they are girl's shoes for chrissakes.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 23, 2009 1:22 PM

I keep track of this stuff. We are a very small group. Even the Pookie thing talks about a wife half the time.

And to give credit where it's due, my friend Laura tagged me "Incompetent Heterosexual", though I couldn't have put it better myself.

Posted by: Jay at March 23, 2009 1:26 PM

racktacular bosoms

bucdaddy you're so sweet!

Posted by: Kayanne at March 23, 2009 2:08 PM

*blush* Thanks! And I took another look just now to make sure they're as racktacular as I remembered, and thank God I did because I had, amazingly, completely overlooked The *gulp* Strappy *pant* Shoes *tongue hits floor*.

You and Sofia have seriously raised the bar. Perhaps more of our wimmens should offer up the full-body shot.

And speaking of wimmens, with all the amazing ones here, I really don't understand how the single guys can stay single, and the married guys can stay married.

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 23, 2009 2:19 PM

Single guys stay single on this site because they use ill-timed jokes about shoe humping and then spend the next seven hours trying to make jokes to dig themselves out of a hole. By then, no one cares and they wind up drinking themselves to sleep on an ice cold gin and failure.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 23, 2009 2:35 PM

bucdaddy I think it was discussed last night that a Pajiba Hook-Up would pretty much amount to a one-nighter with a USB (or Firewire) port. And that's no fun for any one.

Posted by: Kayanne at March 23, 2009 2:36 PM

Jake, honey, laugh it off. The gin thing made me sad...

Posted by: Kayanne at March 23, 2009 2:39 PM

The gin thing was a joke. I went to bed with a smile on my face, I swears it.

I become too dedicated to jokes sometimes.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 23, 2009 2:40 PM

Ohhhh, I completely misinterpreted bucdaddy's deal breaker. Didn't realize he was quoting. Okay then, we still don't agree on anything.

Posted by: Jay at March 23, 2009 2:42 PM

To paraphrase Admiral Ozzel, I want shoes, not feet.

Posted by: Jay at March 23, 2009 2:44 PM

And Poor Dustin is over here quoting Porkins, "Stay On Target!" It took me a minute to even remember what the review was about.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at March 23, 2009 4:12 PM

Completely off-topic (which is hilarious in this thread):

You should read Porkins' twitter. Holy crap, that is funny.

Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at March 23, 2009 4:27 PM

Here you go bucdaddy. not really a full body shot, but I feel it highlights my "blowjob face" really nicely.

Posted by: s. pisaster at March 23, 2009 5:52 PM

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... heh heh ... wait ... you're actually kind of attractive, s. pisaster, if we Handiwipes the brains off your face ...
---
Ohhhh, I completely misinterpreted bucdaddy's deal breaker. Didn't realize he was quoting. Okay then, we still don't agree on anything.

Posted by: Jay at March 23, 2009 2:42 PM
---
Jay, don't be so sad, these days it's OK for you to be wrong about everything. Means you have a future in politics.

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 24, 2009 1:37 AM

I'm so late to the game.
Jay would be my number one boy-toy because I think he would be a gentle lover and he makes with the sexy pre-game talk.
Lainey would be my just-one-more-drink-and-we're-making-out hot hook-up.

Posted by: jamiepants at March 24, 2009 10:01 AM

Need a little help getting this thread up to 400 comments? Anyone? Anyone?

Posted by: bucdaddy at March 24, 2009 2:55 PM

Yes we can! Yes we can!

I'm all about meaningless milestones.

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at March 24, 2009 4:15 PM

What's another meaningless comment or two at this point?

Posted by: branded at March 24, 2009 4:53 PM

YAY!

Posted by: admin at March 24, 2009 4:59 PM

#401 and into the next century. this
movie is a reasonable diversion and the
leads carry it as far as it goes. the
problem is the humor centers on dog feces,
vomit, masturbation and a resurrected lou
ferrigno. is this what " modern comedy "
has come to ? finally, it bears no resem-
blance to how two adult males meet, hang out
or converse.... so spare me the universal insights and leave it at this. it's just a
movie " signifying nothing ".

Posted by: snake at March 24, 2009 5:40 PM

Not that anyone will be reading this thread by now, but I have to disagree with you, snake. Yes, there was a minor running gag about dog feces, and I recall one conversation about masturbation and one major vomit scene, but those were certainly not the focus of the movie. I laughed in spite of those things, not because of them.

The things that I found (painfully) funny were the painfully inept attempts that Peter made to find friends, and the equally awkward progress of his growing friendship with Sidney. I can’t comment on how adult males hang out and talk, but in my opinion, it’s a pretty accurate exploration of the difficulties of trying to make friends with complete strangers as a grownup.

Dan, this was an excellent review. I particullarly like the line where you say that Peter has entered that weird area of adult life where it feels cumbersome and too packed with self-disclosure to meet someone new and ask them if they want to hang out. That really sums up the movie for me. I was afraid it would be a typical gross-out kind of comedy, but your review convinced me to see it. Thanks!

Posted by: ariadne at April 1, 2009 8:41 PM