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The 5 Women With Whom It's Perfectly Acceptable for Furiously Straight Women to Admit a Girl Crush

By Dustin Rowles | Seriously Random Lists | November 28, 2012 | Comments ()


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It's hard for me to speak to this as well as man crushes, what with being male and given the fact that girl crushes are not only acceptable, but -- outside of evangelical circles -- strongly encouraged. But let us just assume, for the sake of argument, that admitting a girl crush had a certain social stigma to it. In this alternate universe, where dudes hold hands just because they're friends and where unattractive, overweight females marry slabs of shirtless beef in television sitcoms, these are the five women I assume that it would be most acceptable for women to admit girl crushes (FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME).

Salma Hayek -- This one is purely primal: She's all boobs and ass and sweetness, like a pillow that you just want to cuddle up to and make out with. Right? I think it's the same for men, too. (Alternatively, Beyonce for the same reasons).

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Connie Britton -- Furiously straight women love Connie Britton for the same reason furiously straight men love Coach Taylor: It's an aspirational crush. Connie Britton is who many women want to emulate, and maybe brush her hair and touch inappropriately after she gives you a stern talking to about your moral standing.

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Monica Belluci -- Belluci is pure sex; there's almost something aggressively manly about her sexual appeal, like her pheromones smell like lavender, jasmine, and men's deodorant. I guarantee, even for women that are 0 on the Kinsey Scale, that they'd think she f*cks better than any man they've ever been with.

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Sandra Bullock -- She's adorable, and would totally compliment you on while you were making out. "Oh, your lips are so soft, sweetie." Sex would always happen in cute full-body pajamas, too, in a bed full of Teddy Bears (and that last sentence is how you know a dude is writing this post). Also, she'd totally snort when you tickled her in particular spots.

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Emma Stone -- She's cute like Rachel McAdams, has the voice of Kathleen Turner, and an attitude that's equally sarcastic and playful. WHO WOULD JUDGE YOU? No one. That's who. Get your girl crush on.

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  • annie

    Um. Olivia Wilde isn't on this list, and this furiously straight woman has a full on crush there because "girlcrush" is a stupid word. In other news, I will be kicking puppies and peeing on your moms this afternoon because I haven't brought enough grump to this post.

  • Daniel Valentin

    NEVER compare Salma Hayek to Beyonce again. Beyonce exudes the femadouche vibe like few other performers in show business. Salma Hayek instead exudes an "I'm a sex goddess, yet I can still be nice and sweet to you" vibe. Beyonce wouldn't give you the time of day, Salma Hayek would tell you it's coffeee time, invite you for a cup and talk about her wonderful kids while leaning forward and letting you oogle those godly chest pillows.

    Bottom line, fuck Beyonce up the ear, fuck Salma however the hell she lets you.

  • God fucking yes, Salma Hayek and Monica Belluci are the cream of the absolute fucking crop. I would - and I mean this quite literally - sell my fucking left arm (and that's my goddamn guitar arm!) to spend a night with either of the two. 'Primal' is correct. All reason defenestrates itself as soon as either one of those women appears on screen or in the head; madness takes over and all that is tangible is pure animalistic lust. I've taken many a mind-altering substance in my time but if you could bottle or powderise the essence that these women exude then I'd OD within two hours. And it'd be glorious.

  • chanohack

    I felt like writing out my females to give you some feedback, but for months now my number one celebrity crush of any gender is Nora O'Donnell from CBS News, so maybe you don't want my data. I may be what you call an "outlier."

  • Adrienne Marie

    I don't know... I just don't get the Connie Britton love. What am I missing? Alternatively, I have a massive girl crush on Kat Dennings. Snark and curves. Love.

  • Mrs. Julien

    a. Emma Thompson
    b. Patricia Clarkson

    But I must add that as a Pre-Internet Heterosexual™, I haven't been trained to believe that my appreciation for someone of the same gender and attendant desire to be near them should automatically translate into pillow fights and butterfly kisses.

  • james

    Nobody would use the word "sweetness" to describe Salma Hayek. Ask any mexican person.

  • chanohack

    She is definitely not sweet. Totally sexy, yes. Sweet, no.

  • No Hannah Hart? Nobody watches My Drunk Kitchen? She is the most adorable.

  • Lillimae

    Beyonce for me!!!

    Let's talk about man-crushes, that's so much more fun. Or "bromances", if you prefer. My husband is nuts about Leo DiCaprio and Justin Timberlake, but won't admit it.

  • Abbey Road

    Oh and also: DO NOT like hot-pants-Britton. It's like seeing my mom/teacher/sister all greased up & writhing. No gracias.

  • Abbey Road

    Definitely a dude's lesbian fantasy list. No girls available to write this one? I'll give you Emma Stone, because humor is everything. And I'd add Jennifer Garner, because she seems legitimately fun. Also I think the Brits are under-represented here. Winslet? Anyone? Also Billie Piper. Ok, let's be real. This is an Awesome Friends list with people who happen to be gorgeous. I don't think I'n gonna be very good at the sexy sexiness thing with the females.

  • $2786243

    Virginie Ledoyen.

  • Michelle

    Everything about Connie Britton was spot on. And that picture. Guh.

    I'm not totally on board with the rest of the list. And I hate the term "girl crush". And I'm sad that Amy Poehler is not on this list because: OBVIOUSLY SHE IS AMAZING.

  • Gabs

    No Famke Janssen? This list is wrong in every conceivable fashion.

  • Ivy

    gee, did I forget to seek approval from Dustin What'sisname? I guess I'm just unaccceptable. oh, and Melanie Laurent beats all of the above hands down (although Emma Stone kicks ass and takes names).

  • Geo

    I think Mariska Hargitay very attractive. She is beautiful and sexy. While it is funny she is very deep in their views on life. And she is voluptuous as her mother.

  • Nicole_OCTV

    1. Lizzy Caplan - Any day, any time, any place.
    2. Rashida Jones
    3. Mae Whitman
    4. Sarah Silverman
    5. Ellen Page
    6. Emily Blunt
    7. Rachel Maddow
    8. Jennifer Lawrence
    9. Emma Stone
    10. Aubrey Plaza

    (List is in no order, except for Lizzy Caplan, girlcrush #1)

    Mila Kunis would TOTALLY be on this list, but she's willingly banging Kutcher and therefore she is tainted.

  • Ozioma

    Freema Agyeman and Christina Hendricks for me.

  • PDamian

    Rachel Maddow, Tilda Swinton, and Christine Amanpour. I like the smart ones. Particularly Swinton. Were I gay, I'd do depraved things to Maddow and Amanpour, but I have a feeling Swinton would do depraved things to me. Hmmm. I may have to reconsider this "straight" thing.

  • SittingPat

    That's pretty damn funny 'cause at least one of those women is very gay. BUT, be that as it may, as long as you don't include Abbie Cornish, you've missed me entirely.

  • Slash

    And you know what, I'll go ahead and add Fortune Feimster, from Chelsea Lately. She's usually the funniest person on that show, and she seems like she'd be cool. She looks like she knows where the good BBQ places are. And she would not be offended by that statment. Chelsea can come along if she wants, until she starts acting like a bitch, then she's outta there.

  • Blake

    Dakota Blue Richards.

  • BWeaves

    Sandra Bullock may come across as America's sweetheart, but she married a tattooed biker Nazi, and don't tell me she didn't know that in advance.

    The other women are women guys want their women to have a crush on, so I agree with Rochelle.

  • Tinkerville

    Yeah, as others have mentioned this is clearly a dude list. Kind of misses the mark. My off the charts girl crushes at the moment are on Carrie Mulligan, Mila Kunis, and Gemma Arterton.

  • ashley

    I'm throwing a posthumous girl crush vote in the ring for my idol, Ms Katharine Hepburn.

  • plastic_cups

    Emily Blunt, obviously.

  • Bedewcrock

    I'll swap Sandra Bullock for Dita Von Teese! And Kerry Washington needs to be added.

  • FrayedMachine

    I wish.. WISH. I could be friends with Emma Stone. Her and Jennifer Lawrence. Both those chicks seem so friggin cool.

  • alwaysanswerb

    Came here to say this. Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Stone are 1 and 2.

  • There'll Be Pancakes

    Dude, I'm already so ahead of you. My girl crush on Emma Stone is borderline restraining order, I love her so much, I want to be her best friend and just dance behind people and be awesome and exactly like her. I got directed here from Twitter and immediately I thought if Emma Stone isn't on there I'm shutting down the whole computer in protest, bitches.

    Also, Anna Kendrick. I can't explain how I feel about her. I love her more than I love most men.

  • badkittyuno

    Rachel Weisz. Nuff said.

  • prairiegirl

    Yes, yes, yes!

  • L.O.V.E.

    Dustin, you sly dog. Throwing this post out of your ass to get the Pajibettes to list the names and reasons for crushing on various hot gals. And using the term "furiously straight" for good measure. This is some fine baiting.

    Ladies, if you could be so kind as to attach a picture of your crushes for easy reference, it would be most appreciated.

    Here, let me give you an example. Hi Dreama. Hi Elisha. Hi Kristen. Hi Salma.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Sandra Bullock, definitely. I'd second the vote for Jennifer Garner. The others are more overtly sexy, which isn't my type. But when I think "girl crush" I don't think "want to have sex with."

  • Maguita NYC

    Exactly this! It has been a while since I've thought of getting naked with a lady crush. Many women are so incredibly beautiful and interesting to watch, yet you don't necessarily think of them sexually. Some are absolutely adorable and it is easy to understand how one could crush on them. I mean, Kristen Bell and her Sloth meltdown... Is absolutely crush worthy.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

    I am trying to build-up the courage and speak of my momentary and surprising crush by way of enumerating women I find sexy: Mila Kunis, Mila Jojovitch, for a while Cindy Crawford and Susan Sarandon, but I've never thought of getting naked with any of these women.

    However... The last time I remember thinking "Oh I'd get naked for this..." and it's okay if you ewww: Remember the Winter Olympics in Vancouver not that long ago? The opening ceremony, that dude in the white suit singing "Hallelujah"... I was looking at that chubby guy in his suit, and hearing his voice I kept thinking "wow, he's hot", a bit chub-chub (yes, I freely admit to being a bit of a superficial bitch), but boy did he ooze sex appeal. I found him at that precise moment very very sexy. And so did my lady bits.

    It was K.D. Lang.

  • Slim

    I'm totally in agreement with not equating "girl crush" with sex. A girl crush can be attraction, sure, but it's more intellectual or emotional for me. Like having a girl crush on Sally Field right now because she was so freakin phenomenal in Lincoln. Or Dame Maggie Smith who I want to drink tea and read novels alongside... Making omelets with Aubrey Plaza. That's my girl crush fantasy.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Hey, Kristen Stewart - take a look at that gif at the top of the page. THAT is how you pull off "smoking hot lip-biter".

  • JoannaRobinson

    Kate Winslet! Agreed. And, given that I've started watching "The Hour" again, I'll add Romola Garai aka nu-Winslet.

  • jM

    I can watch her smoke and take charge of a situation all day.

  • Scully

    Rachel Maddow, always and forever amen.

    Also Mila Kunis, Katee Sackhoff, Jessica Brown Findlay, Oona Chaplin, Natalie Dormer...but mostly Rachel Maddow.

    And now I feel all funny inside. Excuse me.

  • Nicole_OCTV

    Seriously, Maddow is...dayum. I always liked her, but watching her cover the recent election, it was like I was Dawson watching Joey sing 'On My Own' at the beauty pageant in season 1. Suddenly I was feeling all the feelings.

  • Michelle

    Love love love that reference.

  • Scully

    And Olivia Munn. Speaking Japanese. In her nerd glasses. Oooooff.

  • All the flaws of The Newsroom aside, the cleared room pre-interview scene where Sloane interviews her Japanese colleague/friend is sexy for this reason. And it shouldn't be. But it is.

  • JoannaRobinson

    Girl crush kisses in your general direction.

  • Pfff, Rachel McAdams is not cute at all, but I must admit Emma is a gorgeous girl. :)

  • Katee Sackhoff and Sarah Shahi.

  • My wife is one of those "furiously straight" women who shudders at the thought of same-sexing [I know, but I love her anyway]. But virulent homophobia aside, she would knock me over with a baseball bat to get the door if Emma Stone showed up.

  • sars

    As others have said, this list is strictly dude, written by a dude, for dudes. I dont have a girl crush on any of these... for me it'll always be FREJA BEHA (yes model but celebrity none the less), Abby Lee Kiersha, Barbara Palvin, keira knightly, the Jolie (pre and post child army) and Penelope Cruz.

  • damnitjanet

    I add Kate Winslet to the list for her lusciousness and incredibly healthy view of herself. Eva Green for being....her hot self, and Jennifer Garner for the cuddly factor.

  • Samantha Klein

    I get that it's cliche and unhip or whatever it is anymore, but Angelina will always be my #1 Girl Crush. Not only is she stunning, but we're the same age, and her list of accomplishments just makes me swoon.

  • sars

    Angelina Jolie, pre and post babies is my freebee

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Gillian Andersen is still my number one girl crush. Salma is number 2.

  • Wōđanaz Óðinn

    Ruth Wilson?

  • Rochelle

    This seems more like a list of women guys wish their girlfriend would do it with while they were watching. I recognize my personal experience isn't a universal truth. Most hetero women I know admit their girl crushes easily, and only two of the women on your list have ever been mentioned.

  • eyespy

    What about Alison Brie?

    WHAT ABOUT ALISON BRIE?????

  • Atoz15

    This. Absolutely agree . In my experience (as someone who uses the term very frequently) it's someone whose personality you love mixed with how they look/dress ...not someone who you actually want to bed just someone you want to emulate

    Emma stone yes
    Connie britton YES
    Others I hear thrown out a lot by my friends and me:
    Mindy kaling
    AMY POEHLER/tfey(obvz)
    Mila kunis (gorgeous and hilarious)
    Busy Phillips
    Lake bell
    Rashida
    Etc, etc

  • e-money

    Jennifer lawrence is thrown around a lot too. Anyone who's seen her in an interview knows why.

  • Artemis

    Yes, exactly! If it was sexual you would just call it a crush. And I totally agree on Amy Poehler and Tina Fey.

  • disqus_N4EigheiZo

    Eva Green & Maggie Gyllenhaal. I have a girl crush type.

  • lonolove

    Ravishingly, smolderingly beautiful and seductive, and...Quasimodo?

  • The Other Agent Johnson

    Spine-meltingly sexy? Yeah, I have that same type.

  • Anne At Large

    This list seems excessively dudely to me. My girl crush this week is Kelly MacDonald due to some random Netflixing, she is adorable and That Accent! Also, I have yet to see Boardwalk Empire so don't tell me if that is going to ruin it.

  • Kelly Macdonald is amazing and my dream wife. And yes, her accent is the best, which made me love Merida from Brave so much.

  • Carlito

    To be fair, it was written by a Dusin playing a dude disguised as another woman.
    Maybe SWINTON?

  • Maguita NYC

    An outrageously hot and mesmerizing alien I would definitely fall for. She fascinates me on every level, and has been ever since her turn in Orlando!

  • Bedewcrock

    YES! Tilda Swinton. So freaking cool.

  • Lizzy Caplan and Kristen Bell

  • AudioSuede

    You know what's weird? My wife tells me the celebrity women she has crushes on, and I can't remember them. But she tells me all the weird-looking guys she wants on her business, and I can't get it out of my head.

  • TheShitWizard

    Nominating my own girl crush: Juliette Lewis.

  • Slash

    I have a few others: Milla Jovovich, Mila Kunis (maybe it's just chicks named Mila/Milla, or chicks from Ukraine - shrug), Regina King, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sally Field. They all seem pretty cool, and I would totally help any of them make cookies or clean out their garage, basement or attic. No sex stuff, I just wouldn't mind hanging out with any of them.

  • Ziver

    In Soviet Russia, Chicks like you!

  • sal paradise

    Rashida Jones is my number one girl crush. A fantastic mix of cute and just plain hot, with quite a bit of playful goofiness thrown in. Definite fantasy girlfriend.

  • Natallica

    I'd add the glorious Mariska Hargitay. And no, even though she's somewhat cute, I find Sandra Bullock neither hot nor a good actress.

  • chanohack

    MARISKA. I told my boyfriend the other day that if we ever have two daughters, one will be named after his mother and the other shall be called "Olivia." It was 85% not a joke.

  • Bedewcrock

    wait, you double negatived.

    edit: I find Sandra Bullock neither hot nor a good actress.

    phew!

  • Natallica

    Thanks! I'm not an english speaker, any correction is welcome (I corrected it on the original post now)

  • Bedewcrock

    agreed on both.

  • AngelenoEwok

    I just came here to say, "Why isn't it always perfectly acceptable for anyone to admit a crush on anyone of any gender?" But you headed me off at the pass. Next time, Dustin. Next time.

  • Devil Child

    It's not even acceptable for some people to admit that someone is objectively attractive, even when adding that remark as a qualifier.

  • AngelenoEwok

    Why not?

  • alev

    I only agree with Emma Stone and Connie Britton. The others are...more obvious. And Sandra Bullock is funny, but I'm not sure that I would say I have a girl crush on her. I really REALLY love Jane Levy on Suburgatory. I adore her.

  • alev

    Gah! And Holland Roden from Teen Wolf. How could I forget her? She is the most adorable, perky ball of awesome to ever exist...it is possible I just have a thing for redheads. See: Emma Stone, Jane Levy, Holland Roden.

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