The 5 Women With Whom It's Perfectly Acceptable for Furiously Straight Women to Admit a Girl Crush
It’s hard for me to speak to this as well as man crushes, what with being male and given the fact that girl crushes are not only acceptable, but — outside of evangelical circles — strongly encouraged. But let us just assume, for the sake of argument, that admitting a girl crush had a certain social stigma to it. In this alternate universe, where dudes hold hands just because they’re friends and where unattractive, overweight females marry slabs of shirtless beef in television sitcoms, these are the five women I assume that it would be most acceptable for women to admit girl crushes (FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME).
Salma Hayek — This one is purely primal: She’s all boobs and ass and sweetness, like a pillow that you just want to cuddle up to and make out with. Right? I think it’s the same for men, too. (Alternatively, Beyonce for the same reasons).
Connie Britton — Furiously straight women love Connie Britton for the same reason furiously straight men love Coach Taylor: It’s an aspirational crush. Connie Britton is who many women want to emulate, and maybe brush her hair and touch inappropriately after she gives you a stern talking to about your moral standing.
Monica Belluci — Belluci is pure sex; there’s almost something aggressively manly about her sexual appeal, like her pheromones smell like lavender, jasmine, and men’s deodorant. I guarantee, even for women that are 0 on the Kinsey Scale, that they’d think she f*cks better than any man they’ve ever been with.
Sandra Bullock — She’s adorable, and would totally compliment you on while you were making out. “Oh, your lips are so soft, sweetie.” Sex would always happen in cute full-body pajamas, too, in a bed full of Teddy Bears (and that last sentence is how you know a dude is writing this post). Also, she’d totally snort when you tickled her in particular spots.
Emma Stone — She’s cute like Rachel McAdams, has the voice of Kathleen Turner, and an attitude that’s equally sarcastic and playful. WHO WOULD JUDGE YOU? No one. That’s who. Get your girl crush on.