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The Pajiba Fascist Will Censor Your Soul

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Miscellaneous | Comments (146)



14-omgeyechart.jpg

Yesterday’s call to retire a particular word or phrase that has outworn its welcome was an interesting and enlightening post. You folks hate a lot of words and phrases, many of which I use quite frequently (like “because of course __ did”). Consider me sufficiently shamed. I think I’m a little less guilty of the others, except “Really,” which, come on, really? It’s better and more succinct than the alternative, which is *raised, disbelieving eyebrow crossed with a little outrage*.

Several folks also started screaming CENSORSHIP (all caps to exaggerate obnoxiousness) at the idea that we might ban a word or expression and to that, my only response is *raised, disbelieving eyebrow crossed with a little outrage*. It was an amusing exercise, mostly to raise awareness about certain obnoxious words or phrases that many of us didn’t even know others thought were obnoxious and it was all in good fun. We’re not the slang Bundespolizei. We’re fucking around on a slow news day.

And speaking of phrases I’d like to ban personally: “I know you have to pay the bills, but … “

Also, The Internet is a crabby bitch, who is more than welcome to stick around.

There were several mentions that don’t really apply to this site (but more the Internet as a whole, like “ossum,” “FAIL” (a word that Pissboy shamed many of us out of using a year ago), and “THIS.” But there were a lot of words and phrases that are common on the site that some are growing weary of, although for nearly every mention there was a proper defense for its use. The most popular, I think, were:

douchebag
hipster
squee
Murdertank
Godtopus
best.____. ever.
in my pants
nom nom nom
teh
kitteh

I’m not going to wuss out on this one and decide, in the end, not to follow through with banning a word because a few folks got their undies bunched, but obviously, I won’t ban Murdertank or Godtopus, as they are synonymous with and singular to the site. Plus, I have T-shirts. And I love little more than the creation of site memes. Also, fuck you. I also can’t fairly ban hipster or hipster douchebag because that applies to all of you, according to Prisco. The fact that we’re debating over what overused word or expression to ban might even bolster that assertion. The best. ____. ever. has already been played out mostly. Kitteh. I don’t even know what that is, but I suspect it’s got something to do with LOLcats, which means I hate it, and I think shame is the best way to deal with that one.

That pretty much leaves “In my bunk,” “squee,” and “Nom nom nom.” I did some checking, and “nom nom nom” has actually been used less than 100 times on the site, while “squee” has been used more than 300 times and “in my bunk” has been used over 500 times.

Yet, despite the fact that “in my bunk” is clearly the most overused phrase on the site, I don’t want to ban it because it is in the Pajiba dictionary, it is mostly singular to this site (and Firefly/Serenity communities), and it’s got good etymology. You can’t dismiss good etymology, people. However, I would encourage someone to come up with a fun, not overly graphic alternative that allows us not to have to picture you actually masturbating, as that’s really not a mental image any of us need during the workday. Do it for Figgy who is deathly sick of your bunks.

And so, by process of elimination, the word to be banned is “squee,” which is anecdotally appropriate for me. A year or two ago, I used it a couple of times before I really understood its meaning, and Seth promptly emailed me to tell me to cut it the fuck out as it made me sound like a teenage girl and, per the “Dustin is gay” meme, clearly I don’t need to encourage that.

For goofs, I’m also going to ban another word, but I’m not going to tell you what it is. If you use it, and your comment is moderated, I suspect you’ll know.

But while we are banning two words, there were several words and phrases in yesterday’s post that were highlighted for a return to glory. And thus, I encourage you all to begin using “Bananas,” “Booyah,” “Schwing,” and “Don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk.” It’s retro cool (and in fact, I encourage you all to bring back old outworn phrases, like “talk to the hand,” and “you go girl.” Let’s be that site.)

Finally, malechai thoughtfully suggested that we use the word “dickety” more often. I second that motion.

Dickety.









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Comments

Nom nom nom makes me laugh. Almost every time. I think that means that I'm a LOLCat named Dustin who's gay for douchebags.

Posted by: Julie at June 2, 2010 12:06 PM

Fine. Now put up a sexy picture so that I may retire to the boudoir.

You dickety jerk.

Posted by: admin at June 2, 2010 12:07 PM

How about bringing back "hunky-dorey"? I always liked that one.

Posted by: VampireSlug at June 2, 2010 12:11 PM

Ain't no thing but a chicken wing, Dustin.

Posted by: vercordio at June 2, 2010 12:13 PM

Hot Dickety Damn Dustin did it, he banned a word, Im impressed. I Loathe the word S-q-u-e-e it makes me think of diarrhea. I dont know why.

Posted by: Nieve 'The Threadkiller Queen' at June 2, 2010 12:15 PM

For goofs, I’m also going to ban another word, but I’m not
going to tell you what it is. If you use it, and your comment
is moderated, I suspect you’ll know.

Wait, what?

Posted by: Poultice at June 2, 2010 12:15 PM

Here's how you know you are getting old. One of my shoe laces came out of the hole. I didn't notice till after I put the shoe and without thinking I tried to put the lace back throught the hole. The problem is, it was the outside right one that came out, and I just couldn't get the damn lace through the hole. Doesn't help that the platic thingy on the end is all cracked and loose. After like five minutes it finally occured to me to take the shoe off and fix it.

umm... what were we talking about again?

Posted by: EricD at June 2, 2010 12:17 PM

This is going to degenerate into that episode of Futurama where Bender was trying to guess which word would make the bomb in his ass go off.

Posted by: Snath at June 2, 2010 12:20 PM

Retro cool? Hmmm....
For shizzle, my nizzle!
Set your pity on the runny kind!
That's all I've got, I'll go back to lurking....(hangs head, leaves)

Posted by: TheBlackMenace at June 2, 2010 12:22 PM

It already has.

... Yiff?

Posted by: Poultice at June 2, 2010 12:24 PM

Hey, Eric? Try a little scotch tape over the aglet and it will go through just fine, especially if you twist the end of the tape into a point. But yeah, it helps if you aren't bent over with your blood rushing to your head whilst trying to engineer a solution.

Back on topic, I approve of the choices made, including the one I don't know about yet. Finding out is part of the fun.

Posted by: Reba at June 2, 2010 12:25 PM

Not a regular commentor here (like, at all), but I really hope you offer sanctuary for those who might like to discuss the works of Jhonen Vasquez. At some point.

Maybe?

Posted by: RobP at June 2, 2010 12:25 PM

Come back, TheBlackMenace: "Set your pity on the runny kind" is so retro that I've never even heard it until now and I kind of want to use it frequently. But I don't know what it means. Enlighten us?

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at June 2, 2010 12:26 PM

I voted for bunk, but the banned word also irritates me, because it makes the queer/s seem not just like a teenage girl, but like a teenage girl who's a rabid fan of some TV show or movie or band only because there are OMG cute guys. Go watch porn or cut out some pages from Men's Health if that's all you care about.

Also, I used the phrase "Talk to the hand" last night on a date, because I kick it old-school, yo. I also greeted him by saying "What up, yo." Because of course I did.

Posted by: SaBrina at June 2, 2010 12:27 PM

Man, most of those phrases really razz my berries. They're all wet if you ask me.

Posted by: Cree83 at June 2, 2010 12:28 PM

I enjoyed reading all the comments from yesterday's post. I also loved that one of the phrases I used when describing the phrases I don't like ("Makes me stabby") was later mentioned as an overused phrase. Touche, internet, touche. (no, I don't know how to add the appropriate accents to that word).

Posted by: janetfaust at June 2, 2010 12:28 PM

*sputtering* But.. wha... but I ....

DIRTY FASCISTS! HOW DARE YOU CENSOR ME! I'LL
S

Q

U

E

E

IF I WANT TO!

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at June 2, 2010 12:29 PM

I so desperately want to say ee-squay now that it's banned. When good girls rebel, we tend to just scuff our patent leather shoes.

I'm gonna guess the word is Conrad.

When I post, we'll figure it out if I'm right.

admin I approve of "retiring to one's boudoir," as it hints of scotch and smoking jackets as opposed to lubriderm and socks.

Posted by: Kayanne at June 2, 2010 12:30 PM

Heh. Just kidding, DR. I don't really do it THAT much, anyway. And I do like dickety. And I too am curious about what the runny kind of pity is. Maybe. Or, it's possible I don't actually want to know at all. That WAS a fun thread.

This is going to degenerate into that episode of Futurama where Bender was trying to guess which word would make the bomb in his ass go off.
Posted by: Snath at June 2, 2010 12:20 PM

It really, really is.

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at June 2, 2010 12:33 PM

It's Slang Bundespolizei. No Plural. And that just means federal police. Do all German words have militant connotation to you?

Yes. Kugelschreiber. -- DR

Posted by: captainsavvy at June 2, 2010 12:34 PM

"Talk to the hand?" If anyone is able to bring that back successfully, I'll start wearing scrunchies again. Promise.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at June 2, 2010 12:35 PM

I've been trying to bring "groovy" back for years. It's not taking. I don't know why. It's a perfectly cromulent word.

Posted by: Slash at June 2, 2010 12:36 PM

Fuck, it's not Conrad. Is it Hammer? It's not hammer.

Is it Reynolds? Or R Squared? Maybe Betty White.

Wiggity Wiggity Whack?

It's Fresh Prince of Bel Air, isn't it?

Alfonso?

Someone ctrl+v the dictionary into the comments so that way we can figure this out.

Posted by: Kayanne at June 2, 2010 12:36 PM

SaBrina you mean to tell me that 'Word Up Yo' is not correct date ettiquette?

Posted by: Nieve 'The Threadkiller Queen' at June 2, 2010 12:36 PM

Geez Louise, this site is the Bees' Knees.

Posted by: Dudleys Mom at June 2, 2010 12:38 PM

Antiquing

Best. Guess. Ever. -- DR

Posted by: Drake at June 2, 2010 12:38 PM

Slash!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shut up, I've tried to bring groovy back, too. And when I say it, totally unironically, people give me the "What are you, 76 years old?" Fuck and you, word haters, groovy resonates nicely and succinctly expresses how I feel. You can be "fine" and "ok" all you want. I choose to be a throwback.

And also, Big Cheese, if any more whiny little bitches start off a cry baby sobfest with "I know you have to pay the bills, but …" I swear to God I will go look up my original rant and paste that bitch into oblivion. Fuck you haters, unless you whine about the fact that your whore leaves the money on the nightstand where you can see it while she's sucking on your nethers, Shut the fuck up. Y'all need to let a man do his fucking job and step off.

Posted by: Kayanne at June 2, 2010 12:42 PM

I was just happy to see all of the support for 'panda rape' NOT getting banned. You love me. You really love me. At least, enough to give me a twenty minute head start before calling Animal Control.

Posted by: jM at June 2, 2010 12:44 PM

23 skidoo, douchebags

Posted by: Uncle JR at June 2, 2010 12:45 PM

I still have not seen a good reason why anyone who uses the ninth word on that list should not be poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowelled, drawn, and quartered.

Posted by: Todd at June 2, 2010 12:46 PM

So now I can't talk about 1/5 of Jhonen Vasquez's creative output on this site? Not that the comic about the little neighbor boy named a certain banned word by a serial killer because he couldn't make another noise when said serial killer broke into his house comes up that much here, but I don't like the exclusion of it. Are we banning all uses of the word, or only those not constituting the proper noun title of a delightful comic series? And what happens when Diablo Cody ironically names a future film that? Inquiring minds want to know.

Posted by: Robert at June 2, 2010 12:47 PM

Todd,

Honest spelling mistake? Some of us type while making calls so in order to appear busy at work.

Posted by: Kayanne at June 2, 2010 12:48 PM

I offered up five phrases from yesterday and totally got moderated.

My gut tells me it was Baynis.

Posted by: Kyle at June 2, 2010 12:49 PM

However, my gut has shit for brains.

Kitteh?

Posted by: Kyle at June 2, 2010 12:49 PM

That's dickety three, skidoo.

BOOYAH!

Posted by: branded at June 2, 2010 12:49 PM

God damn it. Everyone is beating me to my punches this day. I'm going back to my bun...up to the attic to clear my thoughts.

Posted by: Robert at June 2, 2010 12:50 PM

I figured out the secretly banned word, y'all!

It's pretty bananas.

Posted by: Kyle at June 2, 2010 12:52 PM

Uh, let's see:

sexlexia?
bonnet?
pookie?

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 2, 2010 12:52 PM

(It's also "the," but misspelled. Kyle out!)

Posted by: Kyle at June 2, 2010 12:53 PM

Monkey? Fart? Ball sweat?

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 2, 2010 12:53 PM

"Booyah", "word", "aiight", & "no doubt" are all part of my everyday, urban-appropriated, ironic vocabulary. That's just how I talk, & fellow whiteys seem to enjoy it.

Posted by: the new transported man at June 2, 2010 12:55 PM

Ha, I love that this whole concept was basically Dustin's response to the kids bored during summer. "What's that? You don't have shit to do? Go to school. You can't go to school? Fuck it... Here's some Elmer's and some popsicles. Eat the popsicles then go make something. The fuck I care what you make? Just don't hit your brother with it."

Geez, Dustin, it's only June 2nd and school just got finished. What are you gonna do come July? Send us off to Space Camp for a few weeks?

Posted by: Kayanne at June 2, 2010 12:55 PM

VICTORY IS MINE! Sort of!

I WILL SET YOUR BUNKS ON FIRE. DICKETY ONE TIMES.

I say 'dickety' because the Kaizer had stolen our word 'twenty'. I chased that sucker down, but I gave up after dickety two miles.


Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 12:57 PM

Dammit, Kyle, if you don't tell us before this meeting I have to go to in 3 minutes, so help me I will turn this car around.

Posted by: Kayanne at June 2, 2010 12:57 PM

admin I approve of "retiring to one's boudoir," as it hints of scotch and smoking jackets as opposed to lubriderm and socks.

YES. I love it. I vote HELL TO THE YES. BOOYAH.

I bet the banned word is "freedom". Because POLICE STATE. Pajibundsenpolizensterg. Zei.

Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 12:58 PM

I hit the word but I don't know what it is. Is it "bullshit"? It's "bullshit", isn't it?

Posted by: stardust at June 2, 2010 12:58 PM

Dammit, Dustin. You're going to have a million comments from me until I figure out what it is.

Kitteh.

Posted by: stardust at June 2, 2010 1:00 PM

Nom nom nom?

Is that it?

Posted by: stardust at June 2, 2010 1:00 PM

Fuck!

Hipster. That's got to be it.

Posted by: stardust at June 2, 2010 1:01 PM

I haven't talked about The Human Centipede this week. That film was fucked up.

Anything?

Otherwise, I'm betting it's something boring, like Gleek or the quickening or twat muncher. You know, a harmless word or phrase.

Posted by: Robert at June 2, 2010 1:01 PM

Fluffy?

I can do this all day. I am obnoxious.

Posted by: stardust at June 2, 2010 1:01 PM

I think someone figured it out up there. HA! I GOT IT! I ARE A GENIOOS.

Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 1:02 PM

Kayanne, between your comment about you ladies scuffing your patent leather shoes and "...The fuck I care what you make? Just don't hit your brother with it..." I'm totally in love with you for the day.

Why? The first is disturbingly hot and the second rings entirely too true of what my mother used to tell us when she dismissed us to "make something [and get the hell out of my hair]."

Posted by: lubeg at June 2, 2010 1:03 PM

What is this dickety hipster bullshit? The word-that-shall-not-be-named is the perfect way to express the female talent of squealing and flapping hands while saying "eeeeeee" at the same time.

I will nom nom nom the simultaneous squealing and eeeeeee-ing if I damn well want. It is precious like

H
E
T
(say that backwards)
fluffy kitteh.

Dammit, Dustin. This is like the fourth time I've tried to post this. I'm going to nom you.

Posted by: stardust at June 2, 2010 1:03 PM

I've said nom nom nom for years, and I will continue to say nom nom nom TILL THE DAY I DIE! I learned it from Cookie Monster, so suck it!

I've already started using "boss" again, though it is NO replacement for AWSE. How about "home-slice?" I don't know why it always cracked me up, but it did.

Posted by: Katers at June 2, 2010 1:03 PM

Kayanne - to clear up any misconception, it's "the" but more typo-y.

Posted by: Kyle at June 2, 2010 1:03 PM

Boo-yah. I got it. For shizzle with my nizzle in the hizzle. What what.

Posted by: stardust at June 2, 2010 1:03 PM

What a buncha hoopleheads.

Posted by: Spender at June 2, 2010 1:07 PM

If Hipster applies to all of us, than people need to cut it the fuck out and quit using it to insult other people, as that's the pot calling the kettle black and whatnot and bullshit. I'm sick to death of that fucking word.

Posted by: ChristianH at June 2, 2010 1:09 PM

I like you, Dustin.

And, I for one, will keep squeeing as much as I want, because sometimes it's the only reaction to something. But I promise I will refrain from actually writing the word (after this post). Is 'eeeeeeeee' still OK?

Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 1:10 PM

I'll be in my glass box above the Thames getting taunted by Londoners.

Posted by: David Blaine at June 2, 2010 1:11 PM

OH! One last thing:

I want us all to start using "Hoopy Frood" again.

Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 1:11 PM

THIS. IS. T-E-H. DICKETIEST. THREAD. EVAR.

Posted by: admin at June 2, 2010 1:13 PM

Dammit, I love this thread. I mean, Dickety, I love this thread!

"Talk to the hand?" If anyone is able to bring that back successfully, I'll start wearing scrunchies again. Promise.

I'm wearing a scrunchie right now. Boo-yah!!!

Posted by: MM at June 2, 2010 1:14 PM

I've said nom nom nom for years...I learned it from Cookie Monster, so suck it!

THIS. (Heh.) THANK YOU Katers for saying it. Dude, I been sayin' that shit since 1973, and if you think I COULD stop now even if I wanted to, you'd be mistaken.

And the same goes for AWESOME, but substitute "1983".

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at June 2, 2010 1:14 PM

Damnit. Kyle already figured it out. I should start banning one word a day -- it's an excellent way to generate comments.

And Kayanne, I really have no Earthly idea. But I haven't in past summers, either, and we always manage to struggle through. I suspect by August, you'll all have your own columns, starting with admin's "Confessions from the Boudoir."

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at June 2, 2010 1:14 PM

Dustin, that's from "Pootie Tang." It has no meaning but anyone who has seen the movie understands that it is both ridiculous and sublime. I just love saying it because well, I'm a hipster douchebag, in my bunk, playing with kitteh's.

Posted by: TheBlackMenace at June 2, 2010 1:16 PM

Come back, TheBlackMenace: "Set your pity on the runny kind" is so retro that I've never even heard it until now and I kind of want to use it frequently. But I don't know what it means. Enlighten us?

I do believe he is quoting the imitable Pootie Tang, as portrayed by Lance Crouthers in the self-titled film (a spinoff from The Chris Rock Show).

You must partake of it.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 2, 2010 1:18 PM

I love this comment thread.

Posted by: Stella at June 2, 2010 1:18 PM

as that's the pot calling the kettle black and whatnot and bullshit

In this instance, maybe "the saltine calling the Ritz 'cracker'" is apropos.

Posted by: branded at June 2, 2010 1:20 PM

The banned word brings to mind a circle of teenage girls jumping up and down in mindless joy while making that ear piercing noise at the thought of a Jonas/Bieber tour. Grrr. Thank you for removing that mental image from my future reading enjoyment here, Mr Rowles.

Posted by: snapnhiss at June 2, 2010 1:21 PM

Damnit. Kyle already figured it out. I should start banning one word a day -- it's an excellent way to generate comments.

You mean, banning words at a cumulative rate of one per day or banning a particular word for a span of 24 hours before moving on to the next word?

While it would be a pain in the ass, I think the former is brilliant because it reminds me of that old Rodney Dangerfield joke:
My doctor said I needed to lose weight and told me to run 5 miles a day. I called him two weeks later and said, Hey Doc! I'm 70 miles away from my house!

Posted by: stardust at June 2, 2010 1:21 PM

This is the bomb-ass shiznit.

Posted by: Katers at June 2, 2010 1:21 PM

I was WAY late to the other thread, so I'll throw in "LARGE" as a way to describe something very good. I encourage everyone to raise their voices a couple of octaves and let it warble when they say the word. My friends and I tried to popularize it about 12 years ago to varying success. Perfect usage:

"Man, Ledger as the Joker was fuckin' laaaarge!"

As for "IN MY BUNK," didn't we try to replace that in a hijacked thread about a month ago? Not much headway made, as I recall.

OH OH OH!!!! One more I forgot about that is really disgusting but takes "douche" to a whole new level: DOUCHECLOT. Example: Ashton Kutcher is king of the doucheclots.

You're welcome.

Posted by: Kballs at June 2, 2010 1:22 PM

Three other notes:

1) I love that my request that "censorship" be banned became even MORE ironic with all the commenters actually complaining about censorship.

2) All this rebellion, this...disloyalty. You cannot be getting all these verboten words yourselves. I suspect there is an underground black market trafficking in kittehs and _______s. Will you be creating a Word Gestapo to stomp them out?

3) As God as my witness, "sexlexia" will never be banned. How else to I describe my very sexy learning disability?

And no ladies, it is not as sexy as you think.

It is SEXIER.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 2, 2010 1:23 PM

I was going to say "Word to ya mutha," but then I got Ice Ice Baby stuck in my head AND IT WON'T GO AWAY! Too cold, too cold.

Posted by: Katers at June 2, 2010 1:24 PM

What's with all of these shananigans and goings-on? I guessed the word, but only with Kyle less than subtle clue. Now I need to bring something back...while I think, you should all party on like it's nineteen-dickety-nine.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 2, 2010 1:26 PM

I cannot fucking tell you how happy I am that you picked that stupid, stupid, STUPID fucking word to ban.

Fuck yeah, Pajiba.

Posted by: Seany D at June 2, 2010 1:27 PM

I'm going to start using, "I shall retire to my mastabatorium to enjoy my afternoon constitutional."

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 2, 2010 1:27 PM

Better that than "Informer", Katers. What the HELL does "a licky boom boom down" frakking mean, anyway?

Posted by: lubeg at June 2, 2010 1:28 PM

"Mastabatorium" sounds like like you enclose yourself in a glass dome whilst making business amongst shrubberies.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 2, 2010 1:29 PM

And no ladies, it is not as sexy as you think.

It is SEXIER.

Wait, so "sexlexia" isn't another term for pegging?

Posted by: branded at June 2, 2010 1:29 PM

I approve of the banning of most of these words, except for our great blue deity, mostly because I got him freaking tattooed on me. Not cool. Not cool.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at June 2, 2010 1:31 PM

"Masturbatorium" sounds like a tastefully decorated room with comfy chairs and leather-bound books of vintage erotica.

Posted by: stardust at June 2, 2010 1:31 PM

This has been the best part of my day. My work make me sad.

Posted by: Nimue at June 2, 2010 1:35 PM

I suspect by August, you'll all have your own columns, starting with admin's "Confessions from the Boudoir."

Of course you know that I've already gotten the better part of a novel written. It's far less sticky than you would think.

Posted by: admin at June 2, 2010 1:35 PM

I could not be more happy with this result. That word always caused me an unpleasant feeling.

Ultra cool!

This is the replacement for that most overused unit of language: awesome, and its inferior spawn: AWSE.

Posted by: Cindy at June 2, 2010 1:36 PM

Cindy is mean. And maybe also hates rainbows and puppies.

Posted by: Katers at June 2, 2010 1:38 PM

"Masturbatorium" sounds like a very sticky glass case where one can peruse at ones leisure Tracer Bullet firing off rounds at various targets. It also has a hose that is not, in fact, attached to Tracer.

Posted by: admin at June 2, 2010 1:39 PM

And maybe also hates rainbows and puppies.

And BEAVERS, obvs.

Wait, so, it occurs to me now that this means I have to proofread every damn thing I write to make sure that I haven't made THAT typo?! Otherwise, I could write a delightfully scathing, bitchy diatribe, only to have it disappear into the ionosphere because my fingers type faster than I can keep up? DAMMIT, Rowles. You KNOW I'm too lazy to proofread!

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at June 2, 2010 1:44 PM

I'm going to try to hit as many banned wordsphrases as possible, so watch out:

Dear Pajiba,

I think you should go edited by DR until your eyes edited by DR and edited by DR in the back of the line edited by DR until you beg for edited by DR while The Boozehound does the edited by DR after your mother edited by DR Michael Bay edited by DR its SOOO FUNNY, right up until you edited by DR watching It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia edited by DR sticking to your hair.

So suck it.

Love, Matthew

Posted by: superasente at June 2, 2010 1:46 PM

I know I said it before, but I love this thread so much I want to marry it.

I've had a frustrating and annoying couple of days, and y'all are making me laugh. A lot. Yay endorphins!!! Groovy.

Posted by: MM at June 2, 2010 1:47 PM

I don't mind AWSE and it's great when you're drunk, but I do hate 'ossum'. It looks like possum. And everyone knows possums are gross.

Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 1:52 PM

But good eating.

Posted by: admin at June 2, 2010 1:53 PM

Cindy, I was going to say that you are the awsest chick in the history of awesome, but now I am reconsidering. Go think about that, missy.

Posted by: stardust at June 2, 2010 1:53 PM

Everything in the Masturbatorium can and should be hosed down regularly. Except the 52" TV, on which Janet Mason videos are on an endless loop. There is a warm Cocoa Butter fountain, a stack of fluffy dish towels, and a big tray of cupcakes all at the ready.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at June 2, 2010 1:54 PM

RAZZ MY BERRIES. Thank you, Cree, for the next phrase I plan to overuse. And it can go both ways! Example:

"Losing my job really razzes my berries." (negative)
or
"This gift card and basket of lotions really razzes my berries!" (positive--seriously, I'm totally screwed a week from now when I stop getting a paycheck, but my co-workers get me lotions as a parting gift and my berries are totally razzed.)

Posted by: DeadBessie at June 2, 2010 1:58 PM

"Masturbatorium" sounds like a sterile lab where a faceless man in a white coat goes around a room full of men masturbating furiously, but instead of taking notes he is stroking his facial hair and nodding thoughtfully. And that man is Morgan Freeman.

Posted by: Kballs at June 2, 2010 1:59 PM

But I haven't in past summers, either, and we always manage to struggle through. I suspect by August, you'll all have your own columns,

Don't threaten me with a good time. Although I have to suspect like most things that fascinate me, I'd love it for about 3 weeks then wish it ill. It vexes me that I have the attention span of an 8-year-old, but when I was 8, I had the attention span of a mature and well-reasoned adult. Eh, whatever.

lubeg, this... This may be a little premature, but I think I'm in love with you too. This is all happening so fast. Let's run away together and scuff some shoes.*

*Full disclosure: I will probably forget I'm in love with you by tomorrow. No refunds.

Posted by: Kayanne at June 2, 2010 2:07 PM

OH! One last thing:

I want us all to start using "Hoopy Frood" again.

Hey, you sass that hoopy Figgy? Now there's a frood who really knows where her towel is.

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at June 2, 2010 2:08 PM

Pangalactic Gargleblasters for everyone!

Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 2:09 PM

True story (I will never stop using that phrase): I actually made the banned-word sound - I didn't say it, I just made a really high-pitched squeeling sound - involuntarily once when the postman delivered a package I was really excited about. The look he gave me effectively shamed me out of using the word online at least.

Posted by: dr. pisaster at June 2, 2010 2:14 PM

That's ok, Kayanne, variety is the spice of life. But at least we'll always have scuffed shoes and Elmer's glue! Which is forever!

Did I just write a rom-com? If so, is it better than that one that came out this year? I hope it is.

Posted by: lubeg at June 2, 2010 2:16 PM

"It vexes me that I have the attention span of an 8-year-old, but when I was 8, I had the attention span of a mature and well-reasoned adult."

Me too, Kayanne, me too. {shakes head ruefully}

I was a smart, serious little kid. Now I'm just like a racoon on speed in a fountain full of shiny pennies.

Posted by: MM at June 2, 2010 2:17 PM

You cats are ULTRA GROOVY!

Also, instead of s-q-u-e-e, I think people should just get straight to the point and use "squirt!" instead.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at June 2, 2010 2:19 PM

"And thus, I encourage you all to begin using “Bananas”

Unbelievable, man. Unbefuckinanalievable.

HOLY FIERY SHITBALLS, THAT'S MY NEW WORD! THAT'S THE WORD I'LL USE WHEN I WANT TO SAY STUFF ABOUT THINGS! ABOUT ALL SORTS OF THINGS!

Random Diptard: Hey man did you you see the game last night?

Me & Dubgurgler: Unbefuckinanalievable.

...or...

That Dude at Subway With The Piercings: Did you want to make that a meal?

Me & Dubgurgler: Unbefuckinanalievable.

That Dude at Subway With The Piercings: I'm sorry - what?

Me & Dubgurgler: Word...

...or...

Chick From the Video & Tanning Emporium: Why are you crying?

Me & Dubgurgler: Unbefuckinanalievable.

Chick From the Video & Tanning Emporium: Um... Okay, I've got to get up early for work, so... I'm gonna get dressed and go.

Me & Dubgurgler: (sniffling) Can I... Can I at least get your number?

Chick From the Video & Tanning Emporium: Uh... I mean... my phone isn't working right now, so... Listen, just give me your number and I can call you sometime. My... it's like a business phone, you know? So I can't give the number out or anything...

Me & Dubgurgler: (still crying) Is this because my parasitic twin gave you a purple nurple and I accidentally pooed when you screamed?

Chick From the Video & Tanning Emporium: Okay, I really need to leave...

Me & Dubgurgler: (openly sobbing) Unbefuckinanalievable...

Posted by: Skitz at June 2, 2010 2:20 PM

There's a great documentary about squeegie kids in Vancouver, called SKIT. I highly recommend it.

Posted by: Brenton at June 2, 2010 2:27 PM

So, it can be part of other words. That makes me feel squeemish. And fuck the red Chrome spellcheck line.

Posted by: Brenton at June 2, 2010 2:28 PM


Personally, the phrase I'm working on bringing back is "Sit On It!"

Posted by: Scotankhamen at June 2, 2010 2:43 PM

Yay for "talk to the hand". The other night my husband held up his hand toward me and I could not for the life of me figure out what he was trying to say, "Your hand? You're waving at me? Talk to the hand? Fingerbang? What!?!?!" Turns out he just wanted to give me a high five. Goof.

Posted by: lainiefig at June 2, 2010 2:58 PM

I can deal with That Word being banned.

I'd say it but I dont know if my post will be moderated so....

But no..I can handle that.

Posted by: Nadine at June 2, 2010 2:58 PM

Now I'm just like a racoon on speed in a fountain full of shiny pennies.

And that is why I adore you, MM. I'm also trying to bring back "vexes." Can I not make that happen? Shall vex forever be my fetch?

lubeg, considering I don't remember like, any of the rom-coms that came out this year, I can only assume that yes, yes it is.

Posted by: Kayanne at June 2, 2010 2:59 PM

Stardust and LWA'e' have it right, except that everything is covered in plastic. Laminating all my books was a real pain the ass, but now when I spooge while reading "Canterbury Tales," it wipes right off.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 2, 2010 3:23 PM

Better that than "Informer", Katers. What the HELL does "a licky boom boom down" frakking mean, anyway?

Now I have that song stuck in my head. Thanks a lot! *wanders off grumbling*

Posted by: Reba at June 2, 2010 3:27 PM

Laminating all my books was a real pain the ass, but now when I spooge while reading "Canterbury Tales," it wipes right off.

I would like to nominate that for (s-q-u-) EE this week.

Posted by: MM at June 2, 2010 3:31 PM

First?

or

It is what it is?

Posted by: anikitty at June 2, 2010 4:13 PM

Yesterday, in ultra geek mode, while commenting on the loveliness that is the photo of Mal and Jayne, I combined "in my bunk" with "bored now" and got "Bunk now." I, being geekalicious, like it.

To continue is such a mode; in the "hoopy frood" vein, I'va always been partial to "Zark off."

But, the most joyfully hodge-podge word of all time? "Higgledy-Piggledy" Try it. You may find it's fucking fabulous.

Posted by: rezcat at June 2, 2010 4:24 PM

I am glad that "in my bunk" will not be banned. That is so totes streets ahead.

Posted by: DemonWaterPolo at June 2, 2010 4:25 PM

Well, well, well. So we're going to try to go through with this? Foolish mortals.
Banning words? What's next? Burning monitors? You can no more stem the tide of Mighty Memes than you can sneeze with your eyes open.

Go ahead, take your best shot. I am wriggly. Like an eel. An e-eel. Seriously, I live for this shit. Meme's will out. cf. The aforementioned Squeegee Kids. Sesquipedalianism. The Musqueam Indian Band of British Columbia. See how this works?

But I do applaud and encourage your efforts to reintroduce certain "old school" phrases.
I got a million of that shit lying around. Might I suggest "Zounds!" "Yoiks!" "Fiddle-dee-dee" "Opprobrium" "The Bug's Knuckles" (cuter than the Bee's Knees), or even modifications of current "Banned Words" to revivify them. To wit: Ryan Reynolds' abs are Squeeeeet!". OR for conspiracy theorists (we know you're out there), "I'll be in my de-bunk". Just a few of the top of my enormous ond overcrammed mind.

So good luck with that. But that knocking sound you hear is me.

Posted by: The Internet. at June 2, 2010 4:29 PM

when I spooge while reading "Canterbury Tales," it wipes right off.

Ooooh, Millers Wife, you dirty whore!

But within a moment this John the clerk did leap,
And on this good wife did he vigorously lie.
No such merry time she'd known in years gone by.
He pierces her hard and deep, like one gone mad.
And so a jolly life these two clerks had
Till the third cock began to crow and sing.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at June 2, 2010 4:34 PM

Mighty Memes

Now there's a superhero. Where's his(her) movie deal?

Posted by: MM at June 2, 2010 4:42 PM

"The Bug's Knuckles"

That sounds like a maneuver that Tracer Bullet might try in his masturbatorium.

Posted by: stardust at June 2, 2010 4:43 PM

I've never used it, but now that it's banned, I really, really, REALLY want to use it.

In fact, I'm going to put it in my Facebook update.

Squeeee if I care.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at June 2, 2010 4:44 PM

We're talking to some folks in Japan.
Except they want to call it "Mighty Morphin' Murder Memes".
I don't disapprove.

Posted by: The Internet. at June 2, 2010 4:47 PM

I've never felt hip enough to use any of these, so I think I'm safe.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at June 2, 2010 5:13 PM

"irresistible" -- not "irristible". FML

Posted by: rezcat at June 2, 2010 5:56 PM

I think Hulk Hogan is Bandanas!

Posted by: Odnon. at June 2, 2010 6:22 PM

I'm so glad I wasn't the only one sick of the being-in-one's-bunk talk. It really grossed me out.

Posted by: b at June 2, 2010 7:28 PM

I'm in my bunk right now.

Posted by: Jerce at June 2, 2010 7:40 PM

I think Masturbatorium is on the menu at my local Chinese.

Posted by: peanut at June 2, 2010 7:55 PM

progressive

Posted by: guessin at June 2, 2010 8:01 PM

Now you're on the trolley...

Posted by: stryker1121 at June 2, 2010 8:44 PM

To this day, I have no idea what "s q u e e" even means.

Posted by: kayla at June 2, 2010 9:22 PM

_/ _   '   _/
 / (/ //) /

Posted by: Poultice at June 2, 2010 9:27 PM

I'm always confusing the word "boudoir" with the word "bidet".

'cuz I'm dumb like that.

Posted by: Rykker at June 2, 2010 10:06 PM

Is this, like, "Say the secret banned word and win a prize"?

Oooo, OK:

POOKIE!

...

...

...

Did it get moderated?

Shit. And it was such a good guess.

Posted by: , at June 2, 2010 10:21 PM

(It's also "the," but misspelled. Kyle out!)

Posted by: Kyle at June 2, 2010 12:53 PM
---
DY-NO-MITE!!!!!!

Posted by: , at June 2, 2010 10:31 PM

I have some retro/weird words to add into our usage:

"Criminently!" (no idea how to spell that)
"Gardenseed!" (my stepdad's exclamation of choice)
"pookah" (from the movie Caveman--means anything crappy, broken, etc.)
"Zug-Zug" (sex, also from Caveman)
"Bombalomb" (another way to say sex)

Posted by: lainiefig at June 2, 2010 10:33 PM

Bring on the Booyah! 'Cause it reminds me of Teen Titans and then I get happy.

Posted by: Lauren at June 2, 2010 11:37 PM

Hmmm. No bunkage any more. How about

"I'll be... indisposed for a moment"

Posted by: Lurker #9 at June 2, 2010 11:46 PM

I thank you all. Of all the twenty-dickety-something websites I visit regularly, this is my favourite. Although I believe the Banned Word has its place (how does one discuss the Twilight franchise and NOT use that word in passing?), I will not miss it. Too bad about the Human Centipede still being around, though. I seriously can no longer go to the bathroom without thinking about it. I'm not one to linger when I'm on the job, but now it's all an unseemly rush, thanks to my viewing of that terrible, terrible trailer.

Also: Dickety.

Posted by: malechai at June 3, 2010 8:11 PM

I'm far too behind the internet memes to understand all the acronyms. FML? Football Manager Live is the only thing I could come up with, and that was including a Google search. From My Life? Fuck Mango Leotards?

Posted by: Brenton at June 3, 2010 8:13 PM

can we use "quee(f)" instead of s-q-u-e-e? no mater never used 'em much anyway. I'll keep on truckin until I find myself moderated.

Posted by: Juiceinla at June 4, 2010 5:27 PM

I don't know why the pot calling the kettle black is stereotyped as a negative thing. First of all: that's racist! Why is calling someone black considered an implicit insult?

Second of all: it's most likely an accurate description of the kettle's physical appearance, assuming we're living back in olden times when kettles were made out of charcoal and obsidian instead of silver or variously other colored metals. That's like me describing another person as Caucasian. I'm not being hypocritical, just because I am also of the pale persuasion.

And third of all, I got such weird heat stroke today that I was telling my friend a story about why she was wrong about something, and after I said my "first of all" reason, I went "Third of all... Second of all? Wait, which 'of all' was I up to? Did I just say 'first of all' or 'second of all'?" I still have a touch of it, to be honest, if you couldn't tell from my bomb-ass rambling comment.

Posted by: SaBrina at June 5, 2010 6:32 PM

twit ?
twat ?

Let's see...

Posted by: TweeBubblyKlutz at June 10, 2010 8:22 AM

tart ?

Posted by: TweeBubblyKlutz at June 10, 2010 8:24 AM