Katie Holmes, We Underestimated You

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Katie Holmes, We Underestimated You

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | July 3, 2012 | Comments ()


Because it is my solemn decree that every post on this subject have a soundtrack, this is what you should be playing while reading this one.

For over five years, we thought Katie Holmes was brainwashed by the darkside and had elected to live out her days (those outlined in a series of legal documents, at least) as Tom Cruise's bride of Xenu, galactic overlord. And she was. She had to be. I mean, re-read this interview from 2005. I had blocked out how goddamn terrifying it was, is. It is safe to say that she was completely gone.

Gone, no more.

Since the announcement that Katie had filed for divorce, the juice has been dripping from the sweet, sweet fruit of gossip. And it is delicious. For, in mere days, Katie has gone from robo-bride to Uma Thurman as The Bride.

Needless to say, it's been glorious.

First, she rented an apartment in New York, most likely for the purpose of establishing residency so she would have an easier time getting sole custody. She also went back to the publicist she had prior to hooking up with Cruise, at which point he took over her career (and what a splendid job he did) by shackling her to his management. She also fired her security team, appointed by, of course, Tom Cruise. And, while contract jokes are hilarious, word is she really did make a break for it prior to such a legal out, opting for safety, sanity and her daughter's wellbeing over money (listen closely, Nicole), and leaving Tom Cruise mad, sad, hurt and embarrassed. Because Tom Cruise doesn't make mistakes.

Of course, as you may have heard, she is still being followed by cars not manned by paparazzi or tabloids. Also? They have guns.

Scary shit. But, here's where this gets great. They (and I am assuming you don't need me to spell out who "they" are, which is good, because I don't want to be hiding from the unmarked vans myself) can't touch her. Because we'll all know exactly who it was. This particular group, no stranger to intimidation, largely protected from those who speak out due to the aura of fear and potential ruin they might incur, is now being watched by every single person in the check-out line at the grocery store. With the simple act of filing for divorce--albeit, in the smartest, most calculated way--Katie has gathered herself an army of supporters and fans, and showed their hand. They can't touch her, because everyone will know. That's genius.

Katie Holmes, star of First Daughter, has used five years of rumors, humiliation and chill-inducing control, to wholly villainize a man who was once the biggest A-list star in the whole world.

Seriously. Give this lady some credit. Superb. Look at their respective statements even.

"This is a personal and private matter for Katie and her family," says Holmes's attorney Jonathan Wolfe. "Katie's primary concern remains, as it always has been, her daughter's best interest."

Cruise's rep tells PEOPLE: "Kate has filed for divorce and Tom is deeply saddened and is concentrating on his three children. Please allow them their privacy."

Notice that, till the bitter end, he was trying to make "fetch" happen with this "Kate" thing, whereas she called herself "Katie." Right down to the use of names, these were calculated, carefully worded releases (though his wasn't that careful--the number of "and"s indicates how rushed it was). He's going for the sympathy vote; she's going for the jugular.

And no one is on his side.

You know, I know that celebrity gossip is generally considered tacky fluff. I've been doing this here for two years now and I still get at least one "get the celebrity garbage off Pajiba now" comment every couple weeks. But, like it or not, this is news. And, in this case, that's okay. It's awesome. Katie Holmes, Joey fucking Potter, is taking on a huge, rich, shady organization that has been known to ruin, or worse, the lives of people who threaten it. And, at least until their PR machine starts fighting back, she's winning.That is something. Well done, Katie.

And DON'T call her "Kate."


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Fuckchop

    *claps* Fucking A.

  • Penis Nose Dildo Faced

    "...a man who was once the biggest A list star in the world."

    Cruise is currently the highest paid actor in the world.

    Cruise gets to pick and choose, not only what scripts he will do but also has a large say in who will direct and who his co-stars will be.

    Not a single one of his co-stars with the exception of Bronson Pinchoit who had an obvious axe to grind have said anything bad about him as an actor.

    Which is another way of saying you are full of shit and a fucking liar.

    Cruise is the pre-eminant and biggest A list star in the world.

    The facts I have laid out prove this.

    So retract your bullshit lies and issue a complete and utter apology.

  • Fuckchop

    Don't cry, Tommy, MIscavige is nearby to cuddle you.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    I'm going to assume that's a joke since it's impossible to take anything you say seriously thanks to your user name.

  • Hiro_the_Eighth_Samurai

    Too bad she didn't return as Rachel for The Dark Knight. That movie will forever be ruined by the presence of Maggie Gyllenhaal. Katie Holmes was miscast, but then I saw Gyllenhaal as Maggie and I was longing for her. I wonder how much, if anything, Tom Cruise had to do with her not returning for Dark Knight.

  • Jezzer

    I guess now is the time to bring back my all-time favorite dramatic "Dawson's Creek" tagline: "Some decisions change lives. Joey Potter's decision changed... EVERYTHING."

  • Nadine

    I'm the same as many, I was indifferent towards her(though she was kinda great in Go) and thought her a bland, ordinary type of actress with no massive impact but ultimately harmless. Now, she's like god damn La Femme Nikita.

  • John G.

    For, in mere days, Katie has gone from robo-bride to Uma Thurman as The Bride.

    Oh Courtney, well done!

  • Holy shit, how had I never seen that W interview? that thing is terrifying. The scientologist chaperone and how she answers questions? the same answers every time, the dead eyes? aaaaaaaah!

    This is seriously some dark shit that went on.

  • Bee

    I just read it and just....damn! That was so creepy!

  • Viking

    I just read it too. That is creepy as hell.

  • Lemon_Poundcake

    I think she was kind of blinded by Cruise to begin with. I mean, what girl wouldn't want to be with that poster they had on their wall as a teenager? And while I find him creepy, dude is charismatic. But I also think that maybe she knew something wasn't quite right, and so she played it close to the vest. I think she's been planning this for a long, long time. Good for her.

  • Yeah, you'll have to pardon me if I don't exactly feel all that sorry for the li'l rich girl, Katie Holmes. Good on her for coming to her senses early enough to recognize that whatever her 'situation' was it wasn't to her liking. But this is Tom Cruise we're talking about. Tom Cruise wants you destroyed, and you're destroyed. Just look what he did for Oprah and Matt Lauer's careers, and he wasn't even married to them.

  • Slash

    You know, lots of people are "brainwashed" when they get married. Men pretend they can tolerate chick flicks, women pretend to enjoy giving blowjobs. Then, after some years, they can't pretend anymore. And they either announce that they won't be doing _________ anymore and the other person will have to be OK with that, or they walk. Obviously, Cruise being mega Scientologist royalty, he can't be married to someone who isn't also all in. If he weren't so opposed to psychiatry, I'd advise that he talk to a psychiatric professional about why he insists on hooking up with women who are gonna end up bailing on the whole Scientology bit (as most reasonably sane, intelligent people would). The only one (that I can recall) who was Scientologist when he met her was Mimi whatsherface, and that didn't last, either. Is it the Scientology that drives them away or Cruise himself? Perhaps he should question exactly WTF Scientology has done for him all this time if it can't help him keep a marriage together. He probably blames all the women, it can't be his fault. He's probably one of those who refuses to see that the common denominator in all his failed relationships is him. And Scientology.

    There, I've exhausted my give-a-shit about this.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Wait, wait, wait...women PRETEND to enjoy giving blowjobs? My world is crumbling around me!

  • ReignbowGirl

    The only way I can possibly imagine that Katie Holmes could have done one better was to have filed for divorce and custody in one of the European countries that still deems Scientology a cult and hasn't given any credibility to the cult, such as tax exemption status.

  • crispin

    Something that the media hasn't picked up on, even though its right there on the internet for all to see, is that Scientology is right-- Kids can't join the Sea Org.

    They join something far worse-- The Cadet Org.

    Young children are trained and taught by unqualified Sea Org members within the church. They are also put to work, which is only legal due to their "religion" status.

    Check out this website and discover the horrors: www.exscientologykids.com

    Here's some video footage of these Cadet Org "members":


  • RJ

    Reading that interview, at the time it was published, was a real WTF moment for me. I think at some point Katie had her own moment of realization and made a plan. Good for her.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Well, Pieces of April and Thank You for Smoking! I never really was a fan of Katie, but when it looked liked she had been conned into marrying that crazy bastard I really felt sorry for her. And seeing photos of the two of them together... well if that isn't good acting I don't know what is. She should really get the Honorary Oscar for that performance.

    Good for her for escaping that cult, and the nut job.

  • john

    I've read that the reason Nicole Kidman has less contact with her children with Tom is because they are very, very into Scientology, and she, obviously, is not. Hopefully, Katie saw that future coming and decided to make a change while she still could, instead of them being old enough to fall into that cult.
    I don't really like Katie Holmes. I don't think she's a good actress, even before the mind-control robot came out to play. But, BUT, Tom Cruise is awful. There are plenty of celebs who are Scientologists who don't freak me out to the point where I CANNOT watch a movie with them in it. It srated with the divorce with Nicole K and grew and grew as I watched him more and more. Let's not forget his true colors came out with Matt Lauer. He can't hide it all the time.

  • mona_sterling

    Never underestimate a woman motivated by the safety of her child. For all we know, she might have been planning this since the minute she gave birth to Suri and has only just been able to pull it off. Whatever we think about the timing or what a fake dumb-ass she's seemed in the past, I applaud her for caring about the well-being of her daughter.

  • hapl0

    I've been reading up on Tom Cruise's involvement with Co$ and besides the whole Xenu thing, the guy actually left them at one point because he didn't agree with them only to be dragged back in because the Co$ digs up information on their members to use it against them.

    So could there be a possibility that Tom Cruise is a victim himself?

    Nah, he can't be. Because he's the couch jumping, barely 5 8 guy who dares to wear lifts and make a bajillion dollars by being the best at what he does and most importantly, by being humble all through it.

  • Tinkerville

    Let's say you're right and he's being blackmailed by them. To me, that makes it even worse that he'd let his own daughter (not to mention his other children) be roped into it, knowing what tactics they use.

    If he truly wanted to leave and knows what an awful organization scientology is, he should allow that information to come to light and make sacrifices for the sake of his loved ones to get them the hell out.

  • hapl0

    Again, what I'm trying to say is what if he has no choice? Why do we immediately go for the Tom has to be the bad guy theory?

    I like to think that they even planned it together because this is the only way for Suri to get out. How bout that for a sacrifice?

  • john

    I don't really think he's a victim. Yes, people have left the church and have been threatened- some of this with phsyical violence and most with financial. I think there is some questioning about the current leader (CEO?? High priest??) and his missing wife.
    But, this is Tom Cruise. He could probably single-handedly fund Scientology. If he leaves and that money train is over, it's rough for them. But, that also means that they don't have the means to go at him anymore. Also, he's Tom Cruise! Like it or not, he is one of the most powerful- and according to Forbes, richest- celebrities in Hollywood. If he wanted out, he would be out and probably ready and willing to share his own secrets about the organization, which they wouldn't want. I think he wanted out, he would say I'm leaving and accept it and leave me alone or be ready for a tell-all or me suing your asses.

  • hapl0

    So you're saying there's no way that the Co$ have secrets on him that are so big that even Tom Cruise couldn't escape?

  • Captain_Tuttle

    How bad could those secrets be that he would endanger his own child?

  • hapl0

    Apparently bad enough which is why it had to go down like this.

    Look, all I'm saying is, to quote Chappelle, "Who knows? Who the fuck knows?"

    If we are going to speculate, I am going to give Tom Cruise the benefit of the doubt. He deserves that at the very least.

  • marya

    Wouldn't that be nice? But no.

  • e jerry powell

    "Best at what he does"?

    I'm not sure what that is, exactly.

  • googergieger

    I think that means he is Chris Jericho.

  • Jezzer

    Best at flinging lawsuits at anyone who uses the words "Tom Cruise" and "gay" in the same sentence?

  • e jerry powell

    And we have a winner!

  • Bert_McGurt

    Best at showing off his teeth?

  • joe

    Best at acting like a psycho?

  • e jerry powell

    Okay, great, but still...

    Would one of you who understands please explain to me why Katie Holmes is?

  • Lbeees

    Let that be a lesson to ALL of us: the power of involved parents. (Katie's parents, particularly her father who is a lawyer, have been trying to get her out for years.)

  • MGJM


    I completely agree. Do you know what the best way to protect your kids from Tom Cruise is? It's simple: never have children with Tom Cruise. This union has looked fake, fake, fake since day one, and I don't think this was ever a testament to Holmes' character, the fact that she partook in it.

    That said, I am happy she has finally come to her senses, but please, let's not go nuts here. This is a woman who's escaping a "weird" and "potentially" menacing situation here (potentially being, until there is proof, the key word here), but she is by no mean destitute, neither has she been abused.

    This is a rich famous girl, who thought she would become more famous and rich if she got closer to Cruise. For all intents and purposes, she even had a child with him to make that whole situation more believable.

    Beginning to right this whole crapfest raises her in our collective esteem, but we're still a ways from her being admirable in this particular situation.

  • Pants-are-a-must

    No, I think we're just about cynical enough to realize that marriage out of actual love is practically nonexistent in Hollywood. It's always been about mutual promotion towards more money, prestige and exposure. Katie Holmes married Tom Cruise for reasons varying around those three components, and Tom Cruise married Katie Holmes because it made him look like he didn't just dump his ex-wife as she miscarried a baby. And that's without the usual bouts of gossip about who he is and what he's connected to.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Yeah, dead on. and on the prospect that being with Cruise failed to bump her profile/career the way she perhaps might have wanted...is she spinning a "victim" scenario for herself in this divorce? all of a sudden she's getting as much sympathy as Aniston.

  • john

    I don't think she's spinning the victim line, it's the media. People collectively see her as victim simply for being married to Tom Cruise for five years.

  • Fredo

    Well, who knows how it all got started. To quote Jules Winfield, "however people meet people." The early 00s were a strange time after all.

    That said, what we can gauge is the effect the relationship had on her career. She went from making movies to making Lifetime miniseries. If her interest was in boosting her career, it failed.

    But like I said, who knows what the impetus was behind the relationship.

    Aside: the problem for Cruise if he fights this is that he's got two major movies coming out within a year and he's coming off his biggest hit ever in MI:4. The last thing he (or the studios) want is a nasty, public divorce battle where he, his beliefs and his church will be dragged through the mud and where everyone will side with his ex.

  • joey

    We all know how it all started. Cruise basically auditioned young actresses for the role of Mrs Tom Cruise. Some turned it down, others turned it down AND talked openly about it (ScarJo).

  • NateMan

    I'm conflicted on this story. Because on the one hand, I couldn't care less about Katie Holmes or Tom Cruise, personally or professionally. On her best day I don't think she can act her way out of a wet paper bag. I find her vapid at best. I'm sure she's a lovely person, but I simply have no interest in her. Now, Tom Cruise can act, when he's given a proper role (read: Not Jack Reacher). And I have in the past enjoyed his movies, but only in a very passing way. At no point did I say "Holy shit, Tom Cruise is a genius and I must follow every one of his movies!" Plus his personality and religious affiliations drive off what little interest I have in him. That said....

    Scientology is some freaky shit. We all know it's freaky shit, right up there with every other cult. And this one has money. All organized religion comes with problems and a certain suspension of reality; it must, because it's organized by people. Scientology is an extreme example of this. And so I cheer Katie Holmes, for getting it out of her life and, with luck, out of her kid's life as well.

  • Devil Child

    There's a huge difference between organized religion and cults, and there's even a difference between cults and Scientology.

    Ordinarily, a cult moves away from the cultish elements when they move towards mainstream society. Take Mormonism, it's completely ridiculous, and obviously traces its origins to cultism, but as it gained more power, it became far more open. The state of Utah, clearly the Mormon capital of the world, doesn't even have any dry counties.

    Scientology is different. Matt Stone and Trey Parker could have ordinary credit sequences for episodes portraying St. Peter as a rabbit, Joseph Smith as "dum dum dum dum dum dum dum," and two seprate instances of the death of Jesus himself: but the moment they did an episode on Scientology, they lost Issac Hayes, and had only "John" and "Jane Smith" in their credits sequence.

    More importantly, for all the crazy shit the Mormons talk about, it's all available to anyone who asks. They give Books of Mormon out at Motel 6. Scientologists will file lawsuits against anyone who mentions any information about the Church to those without the proper OT level, something only the wealthiest people in society will ever have enough scratch to reach. They've even infiltrated the government to acquire tax exempt status.

    I'm not defending Mormonism, I can't imagine why someone would join unless they were an adult white male with no tastebuds. I just don't want people dismissing how dangerous Scientology is due to some bullshit understanding of false equivalence.

  • John G.

    I agree that Scientology is a very dangerous cult, but it's no more ridiculous than any religion, and like all of them, you have to join them to be hurt by them. Scientology doesn't affect me any more than Islam or Catholicism.

  • Devil Child

    Only someone with less knowledge of theology than a parakeet could say something this wrong.

    Try drawing an image of Muhammad for your local newspaper, translating The Satanic Verses for your obscure local language, or hold a Scientology seminar for free giving people without proper OT level knowledge of what the Church actually believes. If you can do any of that without getting sued or assassinated, you're a liar.

  • John G.

    what's your point? Giving a seminar in scientology would be getting involved in scientology. Drawing a picture of Muhammad would not get me assassinated. Most likely the newspaper wouldn't publish it, because of irrational fears and anti-Islam bullshit, the same as you are displaying now. If more people did publish those images, your ignorant fears would disappear, because they're just aren't enough crazy killer Muslims to kill everyone who does that. There are 2 billion muslims in the world. The fact that people let a handful of crazies dictate what they can and cannot print is their cowardice and stupidity and racism. But also, I wouldn't need to draw a picture of Muhammad, because I don't care. All religions are nonsense.

  • Devil Child

    Your defenititon of getting involved with something is completely absurd. By that definition, everyone who engages in an act of speech opposed to the status of another group is "getting involved." By your definition, you shouldn't be allowed to promote atheism in your own post.

    There's nothing irrational about the refusal to publish the Muhammad cartoons, people were terrified to publish them because of all those bombings at Danish embassies. The business with Ayatollahs Khomeni and Khameni issuing the hit on Salman Rushdie would be like if Pope's John Paul II and Benedict XVI issued a hit on Dan Brown.

    There's no such thing as a free society if you aren't free to express in opposition towards things, or against the current perceptions of society. Just as the Jerusalem Post was free to hold an anti-semetic cartoons contest as a "fuck you" to Hamshahri, and just as Dan Brown's free to write his shitty books without Pope Benedict offering money for his death.

  • John G.

    do you have this same level of venom for Christianity, or is it only non-christian religions?

  • bbmcrae

    Not everyone is as perfect as you, alas. There are other people in the world, and some of of them get tangled up in terrible situations. Which is why others read these stories - they want to know what's going on outside their tiny, personal comfort zone.

  • John G.

    why are you calling me perfect?

  • DeistBrawler

    I guess he wasn't her dream man after all.

  • googergieger

    I feel like this is a big giant, "way to get it out of the toaster", when really why the hell did you stick it in there to begin with?

    Okay who didn't love that analogy?!

    edit: Thanks for the heads up Jezzer. Jokes are funnier when corrected. Na, I kid. Shame on me for the there/their screw up.

  • Jezzer

    An analogy happened? Stick it in their what?

  • melia

    Wow. That W interview was straight nutso. Thank you for the link; I remember the Free Katie tshirts, but now I have a better understanding of just how brainwashed she was.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    That article? TERRIFYING! She did splits. SPLITS!

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Unfortunately they were NOT across the dance floor.

  • Matthew Graybiel

    Many times, I feel people need to just not pay so much attention to celeb gossip/news, because it just encourages them.

    This is not one of those times. I feel EVERYONE needs to keep an eye on this one, and make it well-known to the Scientology "powers that be" that we, the common-folk, are watching intently.

    I'm proud of her for making such a bold move, despite her stupidity in getting involved in it all in the first place. She has my absolute moral support.

  • John W

    So her Eagle Claw Kung-Fu was greater than Cruise's Tiger Crane Kung-Fu?

  • DarthCorleone

    I'm thinking "Landed" by Ben Folds.

    Down comes the reign of the telephone czar
    It's o.k. to call
    I will answer for myself

  • AngelenoEwok

    Wow. I just looked up the rest of the lyrics -- reminds me of my previous situation.

  • Tinkerville

    I've always been indifferent to Katie Holmes. Never watched Dawson's Creek, never thought much about her one way or the other. But dammit I'm rooting for this girl now. She's got spunk. And I like spunk.

    Given everything we know about scientology, I truly wish her well and hope for the safety of her and (especially) her daughter.

  • Pookie

    So Enlow, Cruise, in his anger is going to do something terrible to Holmes and hope no one thinks he was behind it? All of these aspersions you cast towards Cruise is a bit much, so what if the guy belongs to some group that does their own thing, call me when Cruise is accused to drunk driving or beating up some woman or gets caught doing drugs. Let the guy divorce in private so his family can heal.

  • John G.

    well, not beating up some woman, right, Pookie? Since you never stop complaining when Chris Brown is vilified, I just assume Cruise beating up a woman wouldn't bother you as long as he apologized.

  • lowercase_ryan

    you still never answered me Pookie. Why does Katie need a bargaining chip? What is she hoping to gain?

  • Fredo

    You know what might have been smarter? Not shacking up with Mr. Xenu. Consider that if she had done what the other starlets who turned him down did, she:

    - would have done The Dark Knight instead of that other movie.
    - probably would have found bigger work than guest stints on TV. If nothing else, she would have been competing with the other starlets her age group with the bonus of having worked for directors like Nolan, Reitman and Raimi,
    - wouldn't have had that cloud hanging over her head.

    Maybe it was love. Maybe it was money. In the end, she went from being a young, up-and-coming actress to the accessory of the biggest star in Hollywood.

    Not a good look.

  • Hiro_the_Eighth_Samurai

    For whatever reason, it's really too bad that she didn't reprise her role as Rachel in The Dark Knight. I would have cared when Rachel met her fate.

  • Archie Leach

    Tommy will console himself in the arms of Vinnie Barbarino.

  • e jerry powell

    If Vinnie can get his lips surgically separated from Kelly Preston's. I think she had him sewed that way once all the masseurs started suing.

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