What Is This Mysterious TV Man Up To?
Under the cover of night, he comes. TV Man, who swans into Virginia neighborhoods with the face of a TV and gifts to give that are also TVs. What? Why? These are the questions we mere mortals are left to ponder.
ABC6 reports that residents of a Henrico County neighborhood of Hampshire awoke with bemusement and confusion as they discovered television sets perched on their porches, one each. The sets were old tube-style televisions, the big boxy kinds you literally can’t give away anymore. That is, of course, unless you are TV Man.
Surveillance footage caught this “TV Santa Claus” on tape, and he looks about as you might expect someone who is dropping 50 old televisions on random doorsteps to look. Which is to say he appears to be wearing a boxy tv set on his head. Or it is his head. I’m not going to jump to conclusions here when even the police are baffled.
No crime has been committed. So while the cops were happy enough to cart away these unwanted offerings from TV Man, they’re not on the hunt for the mysterious gifter. This leaves Hampshire locals to wonder the why of it all.
“He wants to be known as the TV Santa Claus,” homeowner, Jim Brooksbank ventured, adding, “He’s committed to his trade.” Others supposed TV Man has “too much time on his hands” and—presumably—too many TVs. Some think it’s a harmless prank. Brooksbank pondered, “Maybe TV man was just ready to strike and put a little humor in our lives.”
However, the deepest thought on this matter might be from an unidentified neighbor who said simply, “Why do people do anything? People are weird.”
Indeed, sage homeowner. People ARE weird. But why are we assuming TV Man is people? Why are we assuming these TVs are harmless old TVs? Perhaps he is a creature come to invade our communities with his ostracized obsolete tech. Had he come in the ’80s or even ’90s, his plan would have worked. Happy suburbanites would take in these inexplicable free TVs, plugging them in in their homes, and feeding them the nourishing electricity they need to grow into a TV Man Army! This would explain why this isn’t the first time. TV Man has tried this invasion tactic before!
Last summer, also in August, TV Man descended into another Henrico County neighborhood, Glen Allen, and left behind 20 TVs. Which means, his ambition and empire are growing. Glen Allen resident Robyn Schorr shared the neighbors’ suspicions of these strange deliveries, telling WTRV, “People were calling them Trojan horses saying ‘Don’t put them inside your house. Who knows what can happen.’”
Who knows indeed. Only TV Man knows. TV Man who appears to be cosplaying Saga’s TV-headed revolutionary Dengo.
Beware TV Man. And beware his seeds and sons that look like “a TV from Back to the Future.”
H/T Marya E. Gates
Header Image Source: ABC news / Image Comics
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