Ranking the 10 Garbage-iest Garbage People of the Summer
Ben Affleck — Maybe Affleck doesn’t quite qualify as a “garbage person” for sleeping with his nanny (allegedly), but he’s certainly exhibited some moral failings, although this is not particularly unusual in the celebrity world. His moral failings were just advertised more. Goddamnit, Batman should know better. KEEP YOUR DICK IN YOUR CODPIECE.
Josh Ostrovsky — The self-described “Fat Jew” shamelessly stole jokes without attribution, which eventually led to the cancellation of his Comedy Central pilot and the loss of his endorsement deal. Stealing jokes on social media these days is tantamount to stealing money from aspiring comedians, which makes you a shitty person. He is a disgrace to overweight Jewish men everywhere.
Curt Schilling — The former Red Sox pitcher tweeted a photo of Adolf Hitler with the caption ” IT’S SAID ONLY 5-10% OF MUSLIMS ARE EXTREMISTS. IN 1940, ONLY 7% OF GERMANS WERE NAZIS. HOW’D THAT GO?” He was suspended from little league coverage on ESPN. What’s worse is that he doesn’t seem to understand that what he tweeted was harmful. “I got suspended because the rules of the company I work for I broke. I don’t have a problem with that. It wasn’t the content, it was the act. I’m not racist. I don’t have a racist bone in my body. That’s not who I am.” Bullshit. Every time Schilling speaks, he loses another percentage of the vote for Hall of Fame consideration.
Rachel Dolezal — Remember Dolezal, the darling of Internet controversy back in June? She was a white woman who tried to pass off as African American. She ultimately resigned from her post with the NAACP. Despite the controversy, Dolezal — who is now pregnant — still identifies as black. Why does this make her a garbage person? Because you cannot teach African-American studies, and you cannot preside over the NAACP and suggest that you are speaking for the black community from the black experience if you are not, in fact, black. That’s offensively dishonest.
Sam Radar — Radar is a “YouTube” sensation who surprised his wife by announcing her pregnancy to her, which he found out by sticking a pregnancy test into a toilet full of her pee. A few days later, they announced that they miscarried. This pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage may or may not have been a hoax. However, days later, it was discovered that Radar — who preached his good Christian faith on YouTube — had an Ashley Madison account, although he claims that he was “cleansed” of his sin. He was later kicked out of a Vlogger conference after getting in a verbal altercation and threatening violence. How very Christian of him.
Nicole Arbour — Arbour took advantage of a slow Labor Day week to promote her “comedy,” which basically amounted to lengthy fat-shaming video, which led to her being fired as the choreographer for an anti-bullying movie, on account of her being a bully. Unfortunately, the fat shaming has seemingly only made her more popular.
Donald Trump — Trump thinks all immigrants are rapists, he slut-shamed Megyn Kelly (and made us empathize with her, the monster!), he made fun of Carly Fiorina’s face, he’s called everyone a loser, and he’s winning in the polls. The cherry on top of his garbage-ness? This inexplicable tweet:
“@realDonaldTrump: I would like to extend my best wishes to all, even the haters and losers, on this special date, September 11th.”— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 12, 2013
Kim Davis — The Kentucky clerk refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples despite being ordered to do by the LAW OF THE LAND under the guise of religious freedom, when what she really meant was homophobia. She served four days in jail, and now she gets to be a martyr for a misguided, bigoted cause. ‘MURICA.
Josh Duggar — Not only do we find out that he molested his sisters when he was a kid, but he’s been cheating on his wife for years with porn stars and Ashley Madison clients. But hey! He checked into sex addiction rehab, or did he? Is he sorry? Yes! Very sorry … that he got caught. As I always say: Never trust a man who wears a polo shirt.
Jared Fogle — Child porn. Sex with underage prostitutes. Leering at middle-schoolers. A sham charity organization. This guy is beyond the pale. He’s a grease bucket. He is slime of the Earth. Get fucked, Fogle. He deserves more than 5-12 years in prison. He deserves to buried under a Subway.